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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

family changing rooms and nakedness......

154 replies

allthreerolledintoone · 10/02/2010 10:37

i took dd and ds swimming the other day and spotted a family changing room which was good because ds is too young to go himself and i wouldnt want him to. Anyway obviously there were other families mummys and daddys etc in there and showers and changing cubicles etc. well after swimming i jumped into the showers with the kids and focusing on my business when i turned around and noticed the women next to me was innocently showering but completely naked. Anyway i came out of the shower to get my bits on the bench and the womens husband was also completely naked he's the oblivious to anyone else giving hiself a good old towel rub as if he were in his own bathroom at home.

Well i didnt know where to look or what to make of it tbh.Part of me thought well good on them for not being shy about their bodies but then i felt uncomfortable with another mans bits on show right next to me. Dd was mortified and so i quickly hushed them into the changing cubicles. I know its is hard to matain your modesty when getting changed but surely it can't be right to have it on display in a family area? what do you think?

OP posts:
posieparker · 10/02/2010 11:01

The seven year old thing goes both ways I think. I don't think it's law but an unwritten rule, that I flounce when I am with my seven year old there's no way he's going in a male toilet without DH!

cumbria81 · 10/02/2010 11:01

So what? I don't get the problem. It's a changing room, not a public park.

Original poster
allthreerolledintoone · 10/02/2010 11:01

they did have female and male changing rooms but as i was on my own i thought id use the the family changing area as so i could keep an eye on both kids.

OP posts:
Rubyrubyruby · 10/02/2010 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 10/02/2010 11:02

I would be surprised in the UK, but not offended.

Bodies are just bodies.

smokinaces · 10/02/2010 11:02

allthree, that was more directed at those saying there is a law against it and to report to reception.

I am one of those that when going to the gym pre kids would go naked in the showers. I have no problems getting changed in communal areas (in fact, does no one remember the days where cubicles didnt exist in shopping changing areas and swimming pools???)

I seriously dont understand why people are so aghast and frightened of the human naked body.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 10/02/2010 11:03

I am astonished by the number of people who think it is unacceptable. Possibly it is a cultural thing, but when I take my dd to the local pool, all the women shower naked afterwards. There isn't a lot of point trying to get clean through a swimming costume. My dd is still a little perturbed by the women and yells at the top of her voice 'mum, that lady hasn't got any fur on her fanny'. It seems to be a Swiss thing that you depilate. Totally.
I do think YABU

thedollshouse · 10/02/2010 11:05

Ds wouldn't bat an eyelid. I think I would have been taken aback but not offended. Dh being a prude would probably have been outraged. I would assume that you probably aren't supposed to be naked in a family changing room and I expect the family in question were trying to show how "liberal" they are.

WhoIsAsking · 10/02/2010 11:06

Naked = meh

Woman straddling the bench next to me whilst drying her vadge NEXT TO MY FACE = not so much.

Original poster
allthreerolledintoone · 10/02/2010 11:06

The thing even if i go into an all female changing rooms not many people are that liberal not like other countries. I mean did anyone ever use the showers at their secondary school? No one dared use them at my school after pe pretty minging really and yet dh said the boys always showered naked after pe strange....

OP posts:
bokki · 10/02/2010 11:07

i took my son into a family changing room when he was about 2, and was pretty disgusted to see a woman in there with a son who must have been 10 years old (utterly capable of dressing himself in private)
i spent my time in there trying to get dressed while being leered at by this 'child' i was so angry that she thought a boy of leering age should be in a group changing room but didnt really know what to do about it - i didnt feel i could go and have a word / go at her about it in front of this boy and didnt really want to say anything in front of my own son.

still makes me cross thinking about it

grrr!

Morloth · 10/02/2010 11:10

I find kids who are used to mixed changing rooms etc don't leer or feel uncomfortable they just don't notice or care. I know DS thinks it is perfectly normal to just shower off and get dressed without worrying about being naked in between.

ImSoNotTelling · 10/02/2010 11:12

Why say "in a country where boys aren't allowed in women's toilets past the age of seven" if there isn't a rule that boys aren't allowed in women's toilets past the age of 7

I take all this MN stuff in you know, it's lucky i asked for clarification.

Macdog · 10/02/2010 11:12

When I take dd to swimming class, the women all tend to get changed out in the communal area in the ladies changing room - mainly cos the cubicles are teeny and we can keep an eye on the children.
There are separate male/female changing rooms.

I was just a bit about the mixed nakedness in showers was all

smokinaces · 10/02/2010 11:12

allthree, men seem so much more relaxed than women for some reason. Nothing thought of it when they shower together after football/rugby etc. In fact, in mens toilets with urinals they pee in front of each other too.

Women however seem to be encouraged to do everything behind closed doors. I went to an all girls school and had communal changing rooms - but shower cubicles?!!

weegiemum · 10/02/2010 11:13

The changing at our local pool has those large family cubicles which all of us can get in together (me, dh, 10yo, 8yo, 6yo). Maybe they should be changing themselves now but it takes them about 4x longer on theit own and dd2 is disabled so needs help.

I hate waiting for them and then out comes some simpeing teenage girl on her own or a teen couple who have been clearly snogging and more in there, or whatever .....

What bit of "Family Cubicle" don't they understand?

Rhubarb · 10/02/2010 11:14

I'm a little disturbed that someone should think a 10yo child capable of 'leering'.

Staring at you he might have been, perhaps he's only seen his mum naked before or perhaps your flange was suitable different to make him stare. But 'leer' is not a word I would associate with a child.

NoahAndTheWhale · 10/02/2010 11:14

We had to have showers naked after PE. There was a Mean and Scary PE teacher who forced you to. And made you stay in for ages.

WhoIsAsking · 10/02/2010 11:15

Are you serious bokki?

posieparker · 10/02/2010 11:18

ISNT, It's an unwritten rule, therefore still not allowed....what's confusing about that?

hewasmytwin · 10/02/2010 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImSoNotTelling · 10/02/2010 11:24

But you do it, so it is allowed.

So why state "in a country where boys aren't allowed in women's toilets past the age of seven" when it turns out that its an "unwritten rule" that half the population has probably never heard of anyway, and even the people who have heard of it freely ignore it. Doesn't sound like much of a "rule" to me.

Still why make a factual statement like that if its not true.

Like me saying "well in the UK people are not allowed to be naked in swimming pool changing rooms if other people can see them" and when everyone says "gosh really that's interesting I never knew that" I respond "Oh well actually I just made it up".

LaurieFairyCake · 10/02/2010 11:32

Even though context is everything I don't think foster dd would understand why being flashed at outside is different to seeing a naked penis in a changing room.

I understand context and can rationalise it but she can't so I think seeing naked penises in changing rooms is inappropriate.

I wouldn't take her somewhere where this happened and that is my responsibility but I don't want it 'banned'.

OtterInaSkoda · 10/02/2010 11:34

I don't really think a 10yo is likely to be capable of leering, but I have been stared at by a lad who was too old to be in the women's changing room, imo. It did weird me out a little.

Perhaps we need to understand what family changing rooms are for. I always assumed they were primarily for families with children too old to change in the opposite sex changing rooms but too young to change on their own, iyswim. If that's the case then parading around starkers in front of other people's children defeats the object a little I feel.

The thing is, in normal circumstances I'd rather not have a strange man swing his knob around near me although it wouldn't bother me that much. However it does bother other people. Indeed, if it didn't bother anyone we wouldn't have single sex or family changing rooms, but we do. Therefore, I think in family changing rooms a bit of modesty is only polite.

shockers · 10/02/2010 11:45

DD (11) has sn and would definately stare as she doesn't have the social skills to think to look away. She would probably remark on it too