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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to go and see dd's teacher about this?

119 replies

emkana · 08/02/2010 22:51

dd1 is in Year 4, nearly nine years old.

She works very hard, every day. On the class behaviour chart she is always on silver or gold ( equalling good or excellent behaviour).

Yet she has not yet been made "star of the week", when all the naughty and badly behaved children have had this award already.

She's getting really downhearted about it, and it makes me so sad to see it.

I know that this has been discussed before on here, and I know the arguments along the lines of "some of these children get nothing good ever in their life so an award like this means so much more to them"

But in fact it means a lot to my dd as well. And it just doesn't seem fair. So should I go in and see the teacher?

OP posts:
Alambil · 08/02/2010 22:55

That really gets my wick too - the good kids never getting the rewards

Yes, go and see her

PardonMyClench · 08/02/2010 23:02

Do you think your DD may benefit from not getting this thing that she does want? It is not a bad thing to experience some 'unfairness' . She is not too young to understand that things don't always go your way. I would feel that I would being a bit precious to go in to the teacher for this .

Could you not explain that the 'star of the week' may be being used as an incentive to less well behaved children to keep up the good work ? You could provide reward at home for her silver and gold stars.

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 08/02/2010 23:05

see its hard one, but then why shouldnt she. She has worked hard and been good, and yes maybe it comes easier for her but still deserves a pat on the back.

RustyBear · 08/02/2010 23:13

It's not quite halfway through the school year yet, so there's still hope...

Pozzled · 08/02/2010 23:13

Remember that we are only about halfway through the year, so only about 18 children have had star of the week. Some of these 18 may be the 'badly behaved' ones, but a lot will also be hard working and well behaved ones like your DD. Same with the ones that haven't had it yet.

You could mention something to the teacher BUT if the teacher then gives her star of the week a week or two later, it becomes a bit meaningless.

Original poster
emkana · 08/02/2010 23:17

There are only 26 in her class, so she is one of the last to get it. But pozzled you have a point if I go in and then she gets it it won't be that great either.

While I'm here, when would you ask about the results of a project they had to hand in? One month has passed and there has been no feedback whatsoever. Again slightly annoying considering dd worked on it solidly for two months.

OP posts:
seeker · 08/02/2010 23:17

"all the naughty and badly behaved children have had this award already."

How do you know?

Original poster
emkana · 08/02/2010 23:18

because dd comes out every Friday and the first thing she tells me is who got it this week.

OP posts:
seeker · 08/02/2010 23:20

And you keep a tally chart?

PardonMyClench · 08/02/2010 23:20

It sounds much more reasonable to ask about the project than make an issue about the star .

Original poster
emkana · 08/02/2010 23:22

erm... I know all the 26 children in her class and it's not that hard to keep track, esp considering dd talks about it quite often.

OP posts:
cat64 · 08/02/2010 23:25

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TheFallenMadonna · 08/02/2010 23:28

I think rather than going to talk to the teacher, you should talk to your DD and get her to put this in perspective. MY DC are well-behaved. They get their turn at star of the week, and it is a turn thing I'm sure, at some point and we do the celebratory dance, but they have never once complained about not getting it. TBH, I think you need to put it in perspective too really.

Original poster
emkana · 08/02/2010 23:31

Just to clarify, dd doesn't complain at all. She comes out and tells me who got it this week, and shrugs in a sad way. At other times she might say "maybe this week it will be my turn, I was on gold two days in a row" or some such.

And all I say to her is "I'm sure your time will come, just keep up the good work"

I spare my real feelings about it for MN. And my real feeling is, unfortunately, that it's bloody unfair.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 08/02/2010 23:33

Really? I cannot get upset about this at all. Thank the lord I have well-behaved children (at the moment anyway...) and that makes my life much easier. And theirs.I don;t think my DC ever tell me who won star of the week though unless it is them or their best friend.

nickschick · 08/02/2010 23:34

This is a common thing .

It happened with ds1 although ds2 frequently got his golden child award ...it might sound a bit PFBy but I hatched a plan I told dh and my friend what I intended to do and it worked both ds were in the golden book .....wanna know what I did?.....I happened to come across a pile of expensive sparkly pencils which I donated to school as golden book prizes - yet another reason why I home ed ds3- it stinks!!!!

PixieOnaLeaf · 08/02/2010 23:35

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nickschick · 08/02/2010 23:35

It does get you cross when the same children win it week after week for daft things .....one boy got it for carrying the teachers guitar case .

BitOfFun · 08/02/2010 23:37

I totally understand how frustrating and upsetting this can be, as an embarassed veteran of sobbing to dd1'S deputy head when she didn't make the netball team

In my defence, we were going through a shitty time at home and I just felt she could have done with the boost.

I agree that you should take her aside and explain a bit about how this works, and give her treats at home to show how proud you are of her.

Original poster
emkana · 08/02/2010 23:38

TheFallenMadonna, dd is just the kind of child who is really keen on getting stickers/stamps/certificates/awards. dd2 on the other hand is not bothered at all. It's just different types, isn't it? But I find it sad that she tries her very very best all the time and it's not recognized. Another example: They get a stamp for a good piece of work, 50 stamps gets you a headteacher's award. Dd has 50 stamps and has told her teacher, but the teacher has done nothing about passing on the stamp sheet to the office to get the HT award.

OP posts:
WrigsAndJiggs · 08/02/2010 23:41

26 children in a class - one of them has to be the last to get a star!

I can see the reason for awarding it to the naughtier children before your dd. Her teacher could pick out your dd for any week of the year. Sometimes it is a little more difficult to award, so if there is an opportunity to 'catch' a particular child doing something good , I can see it would be jumped on and a special star awarded.
TBH I don't think you can complain until all 26 children have had it, and it starts going around again.

seeker · 08/02/2010 23:41

It ia ABSOLUTELY not the norm in most schools for th prizes to be awarded tot he child whose parent donates sparkly pencils, or who carries the teacher's guitar case. It is very wrong to suggest that this is what happens in all schools.

WrigsAndJiggs · 08/02/2010 23:42

Should have read ..
Sometimes it is a little more difficult to award it to particular children, so if there is an opportunity to 'catch' a particular child doing something good , I can see it would be jumped on and a special star awarded.

TheFallenMadonna · 08/02/2010 23:45

I've always assumed it works as Wrigsandjiggs says.

PixieOnaLeaf · 08/02/2010 23:46

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