to want to go and see dd's teacher about this?

[emkana]

dd1 is in Year 4, nearly nine years old.

She works very hard, every day. On the class behaviour chart she is always on silver or gold ( equalling good or excellent behaviour).

Yet she has not yet been made "star of the week", when all the naughty and badly behaved children have had this award already.

She's getting really downhearted about it, and it makes me so sad to see it.

I know that this has been discussed before on here, and I know the arguments along the lines of "some of these children get nothing good ever in their life so an award like this means so much more to them"

But in fact it means a lot to my dd as well. And it just doesn't seem fair. So should I go in and see the teacher?

pixie, surely a totally different thing? If you don't win in a dance competition it is because your dancing wasn't good as somebody else's. Dd's work, effort and achievement are as good as everybody else's, and in fact better than some of those who've had the award already.

This happened to dd. Same children getting the 'best efforts awards' each week. After about a year with dd getting nothing I DID complain. Guess what - DD got an award the following week. It meant diddly squat. The damage had been done by then.

how do you know that all the children who get the star of the week award are naughty and badly behaved ? do you know all these children personally or are you getting your assessments from your 9 year old daughter? or even worse please dont tell me you listen to the mothers at the school gate brigade ! I would be very upset if my dc came out with the star of the week award to find out that other parents believed they only got it because they were naughty or badly behaved and needed an incentive.

DS got star of the week once for remebering to take his coat, jumper, clarinet and bookbag home every day for two weeks. I can imagine the comments. But - if you knew DS - you'd realise what an achievement that was

oh meant to add please dont go in to see your dd's teacher you have to let her run her class let her do her job i'm sure your dd will come home soon with this award and it will mean more to her that she has got it herself rather than mummy going in and asking for her to be the next recipient. I have 3 DC'S and they have all learned that good things come to those who wait, always to congratulate those who do well or win something and would be quite mortified if I went into school and told their teacher that I thought it was about time they got an award!

If I did go in I would do it without dd's knowledge.

but surely you cant go in and say that you think the award is always going to all the naughty badly behaved children? I think teacher may ask you on what basis you make that assumption?

I don't want to be harsh and, personally, I don't like this Star of the Week thing, I think it is divisive. My DD isn't at school yet as she is too little, but it sounds like a crock.

That said - whilst I am sorry your DD is upset and I sympathise with her but you do not know precisely how other kids are doing and you do not know the teacher's rationale. I don't see how this could come across as anything other than Helicopter Mother. Furthermore, much as we want to do everything for our children and desperately want them to be ok, there are some things it is not your place to meddle with, and I think this is one of them. I don't think it sets a good precedent, either for you or for your daughter.

Lol @ maryz

I like it for dd2, who goes to special school, and frankly is oblivious and doesn't give a shit- but it's a little proud mummy moment for me that she is getting somehing right. For dd1 though, it was a bit of a double-edged sword. Still, if they are bright enough to understand, at least you can talk it through with them.

Does anyone else think we tend to overthink these things sometimes? At 9years old (just) my daughter is starting to realise the 'star of the week' is nice to receive but not that big a deal, surely there are other ways to get praise and rewarded within the class? My daughters class have a lucky dip for hard workers and good work assembly. She works hard and behaves well in class as she enjoys it and understands it is the right way to behave generally, not just to receive an award.

Please don't go in to speak to the teacher about this.
You don't know what goes on in the clasroom

I might have considered discussing it with the teacher if my child had been 4 and really puzzled. But in Year 4- my goodness me! How long do you expect to keep hovering over them and knowing every single little thing that goes on in the classroom?

And who provides you with these evaluations of the other children? I well remember doing work experience in this age group and having constantly to manage little girls who were convinced that the other children (especially the boys) were naughty and they were good. Afraid I simply told them to mind their own business.

And for the record, both my children have been well behaved, and often had to wait for awards. But I have never encouraged any nosiness into other children's behaviour.

The teacher cannot win on this one. My sister went in to talk to the teacher as her son (who is one of teh naughty ones) hadnt got it yet and she was on tenderhooks each week just as you are. She thought it was unfair all teh good children got it and not him despite him being good on occasions.

Seeker definitely it is not the norm bit it does/did happen and as I say these were serious considerations in our choice to H.E.

One school I worked in the teacher had a random sheet with all childrens names on and each week the job was to watch that child for something 'special' she/he did so she/he would be our 'friday star'-bit of a bugger when the class pita has their week its hard to word a certificate for 'kicking gently' lol.

Nickschick, WTF is the point of a 'star of the week' if every child has a turn?

Why not general positivity and a WOW/write on the board/sticker of recognition to show mum/Dad for if someone does something fab (for them).

This one-person-has-to-be-star-of-the-week totally misses the point IMVH (teacher) O

Nickschick, by the end of infants my dcs at least had worked out that "kicking gently" might actually be as much of an achievement for one child as completing a whole project might be for them. Let's face it, if you are a naturally quiet child sitting quietly at carpet time and not interrupting the teacher is not exactly a huge achievement. My children don't need to be awarded for something that comes naturally to them.

Otoh I could have wished that my dd's attendance had sometimes received a little positive attention: admittedly it was the lowest in the class, but then the rest of the class weren't dragging themselves in in excruciating pain.

Life is unfair, surely your energy would be better spent teaching her to shake it off rather than trying to arrange the world to suit?

Star of the week always rotated at my kids' primary school and had very little relation to how well behaved you were. It's still early in the term. If she hasn't had it by Easter I'd have a word.

I didnt think up 'star of the week' I merely found reasons why that child should get it - it was my job ....as a nursery nurse not a star of the week reason finder .

Now I home ed we have a 'friday great' .....anybody can win it cos theres now only me and ds3 - ds2 went to secondary......by anybody,I really mean anybody ....president Obama won it it one week!!! -the dog has won it too.....so did the ice cream man ....ds thinks up the reasons.

Thank God my school has ditched some of this. Still do stickers and housepoints, but not the up-and-down behaviour charts with gold certificates and presentation ceremonies. Nightmare to administer fairly. I had one PFB mother in once, who complained how unfair it was for her DD that she hadn't been put up to gold the previous week, "as it was her birthday."