to want to go and see dd's teacher about this?

[emkana]

dd1 is in Year 4, nearly nine years old.

She works very hard, every day. On the class behaviour chart she is always on silver or gold ( equalling good or excellent behaviour).

Yet she has not yet been made "star of the week", when all the naughty and badly behaved children have had this award already.

She's getting really downhearted about it, and it makes me so sad to see it.

I know that this has been discussed before on here, and I know the arguments along the lines of "some of these children get nothing good ever in their life so an award like this means so much more to them"

But in fact it means a lot to my dd as well. And it just doesn't seem fair. So should I go in and see the teacher?

I don't know. I feel sure (hope) there must be some way of talking about work to a child that avoids them later subconsciously always looking for a 'praise from someone else' hit.

I was that un-self-motivated university student, you see. I know it doesn't happen to everyone but for some it's a trap.

what do you suggest as a remedy for people who like to be praised?

Well, the star/gold level/sticker/certificate culture was a formalised method for giving praise and motivating children. But, as many have pointed out here, there are numerous flaws in the system.
But really, if a teacher has a good relationship with the class, just chatting and connecting with those kids, making eye contact, showing real interest in them and their lives, telling them one to one during lessons how proud you are of them and their efforts with a piece of work... all that stuff ought really to count for more than an arbitrary award that is given weekly because "that's how it's done." There's a danger there of that Friday morning convo in the staffroom towards the end of the year of "what the hell can I give so-and-so a certificate for? They haven't had one yet."

I'm like that too airbrushed which is why I asked.

isn't it an intrinsic part of some people's personality though, rather than being something learnt? (unless taken to extremes, obviously.)

I think singling out one child is bad practice and leads to exactly the sort of behaviour some MNs have described. IMO whole class awards/rewards are better.
At DS's old school, the teacher kept a jar of marbles. A marble went into the jar when the whole class were good, and came out if the whole class were naughty. Working quietly, settling down quickly = a marble (or several if the teacher was generous). Chatty, taking too long to settle = marble(s) taken out.
Near the end of each term, the marbles in the jar were counted and the teacher made some calculation of how much extra free time the class could have that day. I think the record was about an hour, and they got to watch a video or something instead of a lesson. One term they only got 5 minutes - not sure why .

It was brilliant and really seemed to built esprit de corp. There were no child of week awards.

The other thing the school promoted was being deliberately nice to another child. All names went in a hat, and then you chose a name at random and had to spend the week being especially kind to the child you picked - but without actually telling them they were the target.

The kids also got something called merit marks - but this could be for anything from being extra helpful or polite to telling the class a funny joke. If you got 20 merit marks you got a badge from the HT at assembly. There were stars/remarks in the kids' exercise books to reward academic effort. It was a really well-thought-out system.

I think it is personality to some extent, but a child can probably also just get used to always being praised a lot, so some of it is in the hands of the parents and teachers to change if they want to.

I wonder if challenging children (perhaps more when older) about why they're pleased with their own work might help... helping them to notice reasons to be directly proud of what they've done, so they can also find those reasons for themselves when studying without the option of feedback from a teacher.

we do star of the week and yes I ensure every child gets one at some point..so yes it might be for a child who carried my guitar case (if I had one) if that was the only thing I could think of...

For what it worth I don't think you are being unreasonable...however the teacher will have you down as a pushy parent ...

howeer this comes from the person who wrote about a child going on a trip in her report when she didn't go...ahhh whoops!!!!!!!!

airbrushedsteel yes that is a really good point the second one. I am going to bear that in mind with my DDs and hopefully they won't be so "praise driven" as me! It has been on my mind a bit lately and you have really helped.

(i also came a cropper at university )

dd has still not been made star of the week... but several pupils have been it twice now.

Dd1 is great about it, it's just me who's still a bit

Em - I'd be hacked off too. Perhaps you could mention it in passing when you get the chance, rather than making too big a deal of it, and say it from the point of view that DD is a bit puzzled and perhaps they could give you an idea of how they 'judge' it as it would help you explain to DD why she hasn't had the award.

As for the thing the teacher should have passed to the head - I'd def. chase that up.

FWIW We had a system of Merit and Courtesy badges when I was in Primary school. I did quite well on the merit front but had to bend over backwards for weeks to get the 1 or 2 courtesy badges I was awarded, and I can still remember that now - nearly 30 years later!

Hope you manage to sort it out anyway.

At 9yrs old issues like this are important to children and they can feel the injustice of it, even at secondary school KS3 (11 & 12 yr olds) are excited about collecting merits. Hwr, I would be keen to down-play the importance of 'star of the week' with dd so she isn't disappointed and maybe explain what might be the teacher's rationale so she's knows it isn't because she doesn't try (that's what she's getting all those stars for) but it's to encourage children who can find things hard.

What would concern me is the lack of feedback on the project and seemingly overlooking her certificate for 50 stars, since that is something dd has personally worked hard on/for and is probably excited about getting, although maybe they'll do this as an end of term thing?

Would give it to the start of next term to enquire about the project (in case the teacher is marking a backlog over the hols) and I would put a note in her reading book along the lines of: dd is thrilled to get to 50 stars and is very excited about getting her certificate! Thank you for all your hard work with her this term.

Way back when I was in primary school we had "yellow" certificates (2 or 3 per class a week) and "green" certificates (1 per class). When I was in year 6, the teacher made a massive favourite of one pupil, who ALWAYS got a yellow and very often got a green and hated me - I never got either, despite doing very well and always trying my hardest etc. Got very upset one week and my mother explained to me about the teacher having favourites (was indisputed among the parents). She then went in to complain to the head of year, I got the green the next week and refused to take it because I knew what she'd done and sat in my seat cringing. TBH learnt more from experience - about external rewards less value than own sense of worth (ok in a ten year old sort of way) than I'd ever done from the "official" system.

Sorry... roundabout post - what I'm trying (and failing) to say, is that if your daughter finds out you've gone in she may be mortified, and maybe a "teachable opportunity" in other ways (forgive me if that sounds patronising).

The whole entire point of Star of the Week is that it is entirely at the teacher's discretion. So the child who never in their school life gets a 10/10 in their school books or a house point or whatever, can still get a Star of the Week. They can get it for being helpful, helping the new kid settle in, being a peace-maker in the class.... for many reasons. It's not just a runners-up prize for the thick kids

So I mentioned it to the teacher at parents' evening and she was a bit incredulous that dd1 cared whether she has been named star of the week or not. But if you devise a system like htat, isn't it meant to mean something to the children?

That seems terrible that the teacher was incredulous that your DD cared about it.
Does she know anything about children at all?

My dd is the same, works hard, behaves well, yet never gets pupil of the week, and is often gutted about it, as it is a real motivation to her. A boy in her class has had the award 4 times since September, for things like "he left his shoes tidily". I can accept that this boy maybe needs a little more encouragement than others, but the others are all realising that to get an award, you have to be naughty most of the time, then do something slightly good.

The system is flawed IMO, and rather than encouraging good, helpful behaviour, does the opposite with the majority of the class, who know how the system works, and it singles out the less well behaved children who are constantly rewarded for what is , to most pupils, everyday politeness and good behaviour.

I think you were fine to mention it. This system is terrible in so many ways, and teachers can unwittingly make mistakes and miss people out. I have two anecdotes where maybe many posters would say I was being a bit PFB but want to make the OP feel better.

First, with DS1, who was at a school where as you got older there was a special award for contribution to the life of the school - anyone in the senior years could win them for things like music, sport, etc. He spent his senior years playing in the orchestra and other groups, playing for the first team in all his sports, and never received a single award. I took the attitude of not interfering and then one day he came home really dejected that a whole load of boys in the year below had been given the awards he had so far failed to obtain. He could sometimes be a bit naughty so I thought maybe his behaviour was preventing him from getting an award, despite his contribution. So I did raise a question 'is there something he is doing wrong that prevents him being recognised' and it turned out there was no structured system for awarding these, and no records, so for example one department head who had been on maternity leave assumed he already had his award, and he and a whole crowd of boys in his year had not been recognised. Within a few weeks he had a plethora of awards and you know what, I know that if I hadnt written that letter he probably would not have got (all of) them, but I don't feel guilty because a) he had earnt them and really needed the boost (that's another thread) and b) my intervention led to the school realising that they weren't managing this system, which meant so much to the boys, at all well and they put in a proper record keeping system and it was then much fairer and more consistent for all.

On the other hand my DS in year 2 got very excited one week earlier this term and when asked why said 'I'm the only boy who hasnt been Golden Boy so I know this week it will be me!'. And he was right. So when it's buggins turn it is relatively meaningless, but if the school uses the system they have to realise it matters to the kids and therefore have to manage it well.

I'm a teacher and if "naughty" children have done something that's even the tiniest bit worth of praise then they get star of the week as it's beneficial for them to receive a reward for doing well. Children like your dd qualify to get it every week, so teachers know they'll get it at some point. Unfair, maybe. But your daughter is lucky to be bright, hard working and sensible with loving parents. You wouldn't want her to have some of the problems that naughty kids have. I feel the same when "problem" children are picked to go on special trips etc. But my dd doesn't see drunken, drug-fuelled violence, swearing, domestic chaos and police intervention on a weekly basis like those kids. She's got the better deal.