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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be glad that I am not this baby

158 replies

PercyPigPie · 08/02/2010 12:40

[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1249063/Headmistress-goes-school--7-hours-giving-birth.html here].

Bet she wouldn't be so chuffed if her staff started doing the same.

OP posts:
lovechoc · 08/02/2010 18:35

haha, a third way - taking baby to work with you. like that would happen working in a hospital aswell!

ridiculous way of thinking imo.

lovechoc · 08/02/2010 18:37

and it took me a month to really feel like 'normal' again after the birth of DS - let alone 7 hrs! that's a very unique position to be in, feeling fab right after you've just given birth. never ever did I feel like that, I'm afraid.

violethill · 08/02/2010 19:24

First thing, the story makes good copy - 'Pops baby out in the morning, Back at her desk by lunchtime'. It's also great publicity for her school, at a time when private schools need clever marketing. So let's take the story at face value. I bet she's not teaching a full on timetable, or even in her office all day - she's most likely attending a few meetings and popping into school lunch with her baby in her arms. Probably easier than the first day home with baby and toddlers for many other 3rd time mums.

Secondly, and this is the real crux: She seems a happy and successful woman. Her children are likely to be happy and successful in their lives too. To say 'I'm glad I'm not that baby' smacks of petty jealousy to me. I would bet a lot of money on that baby having very well informed, nurtuting, stable parents, a good education ahead of her, and probably a good career like her mother too. Is that what some posters have a problem with

AmandaCooper · 08/02/2010 19:44

It's a summary offence. The employer can be fined.

195.99.1.70/si/si1994/Uksi_19942479_en_1.htm

AmandaCooper · 08/02/2010 19:46

I have to say these stories about super women who go straight back to work after having a baby utterly demoralise me. I can't imagine how I'd even begin to cope.

violethill · 08/02/2010 19:58

I think we need to see this for what it is.

This isn't some poor downtrodden woman being hurried back to work by an uncaring employer.

Neither is it someone saying 'Look I'm superwoman, come on ladies, do what I do'.

She's a woman who has spotted a marvellous opportunity to get her school into the papers, during a time of recession. I stand by my point: I honestly think the reality is pottering around the office a bit, answering emails, attending a few meetings and showing her baby off to the pupils. Hardly strenuous hard work. Probably easier than bringing your third baby home from hospital and being stuck indoors with a newborn and two little children. She's clearly got masses of support around her.

And the fact is, like it or be secretly jealous of it, she's a happy successful woman, who is combining being a high flying professional with being a parent... hmmm... just like a lot of men! Her own children are likely to be very well adjusted and successful too - so I reckon there's a bit of the old going on here!

WinkyWinkola · 08/02/2010 20:34

I'm not jealous of it. I loved the fact I spent a week in bed with my ds2 after he was born. I felt especially glad because I've got two other kid who were cared for by my dh and mum. It was terrific.

Perhaps I need to open my eyes and realise there are women who don't want or need to wallow in bed after having had a baby. Personally, I don't understand giving up that opportunity for laziness at all but at the same time I don't think the baby suffers from a busy, energetic mother as long as it's with its mum or someone who is attentive to its well being.

But isn't she tired? Just a little bit?

violethill · 08/02/2010 20:56

I would imagine most of her 'working day' was taken up with that photo shoot - which I agree must be pretty tiring, getting glammed up for the photographer when you've just been through labour!

But I think you're right winky - it's horses for courses. I can't imagine anything worse than lying in bed for a week after giving birth. I spent 3 days in the MLU after dd1 which was FAB - meals cooked for me etc, but I definitely wanted to be up and doing once home. And with dc 2 and 3 - well, no chance to lie in bed even if I'd wanted to, I had two other little ones at home, who i wanted to spend time with too.

I think women react in very different ways after having a baby. Some are virtually still in their pyjamas 6 months later, some are back at work.

lovechoc · 08/02/2010 21:02

I am definately not jealous of this woman. Couldn't imagine being up and about 7 hrs after birth - I was barely able to walk and was an emotional wreck. It seems some of us just draw the short straw in life!

WidowWadman · 08/02/2010 21:08

What violethill said.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 08/02/2010 21:48

I wouldn't be remotely jealous of her. Am glad I had time to focus on me and my new baby and us as a family.

I think she's one of those annoying people who try to make a 'general' point out of a very unusual and fortunate position that only 0.1% of other women are ever going to be in. Not many people are so well after a birth that they would want to go to work, almost nobody is in her position of being able to take the baby with them.

It's just self/school publicity and nothing to do with 99% of other mother's experiences.

lovechoc · 08/02/2010 22:00

what CirrhosisByTheSea said

BrahmsThirdRacket · 08/02/2010 22:20

I agree with violethill. I think good for her. She obviously had a very easy birth, and has reached a place in her career where she can determine her own life choices. I think that is a good message to give to girls - don't try to make yourself fit in with big systems. Work hard and get yourself to a place where you have genuine choice. I think there is currently a backlash against women 'having it all', whatever that means, and it's good to see someone doing something different. I would be happy to have her teach my daughter (if I had one). She hasn't made any revolutionary statements about how women should do what she does. She has acknowledged she was very lucky with her birth, baby etc.

Yes she is in a very unusual position. But I think that if she wants to do it, then great. I very much doubt she did this whole thing as a publicity stunt. Just because someone had an usually easy time of it doesn't make them a weirdo or a show-off (thinking of the Gisele thread of a few days ago). It's nice to hear that sometimes everything goes just peachy.

I also agree with what she said about bringing babies and small children into the 'real world' more. So few girls (and boys) are brought up around babies that they don't know what to do with them, and new mums can be too overprecious as a result.

tethersend · 08/02/2010 22:23

What tethersend said

stitch · 08/02/2010 22:23

In England it's illegal to work for two weeks after giving birth

juneybean · 08/02/2010 22:24

I think we've established that

VinegarTits · 08/02/2010 22:49

what VT said

and violethill

(said i wouldnt come back to this thread )

BrandyAlexander · 08/02/2010 22:56

I think it very sad that women feel the need to be so judgmental of each other. She is clearly an accomplished woman who has worked to get to a position where she does have choices. I actually pity the women who cant see that and just see "negativity" in the story.

As to expectations of her employees, there is every chance that she recognises that every woman has a different experience of childbirth and different views on what they want to do as a mother. While I cant profess to know how she operates, I can only give my experience. I had my baby the week after one of the women who works for me had her daughter. I returned to work after 4 months, she returned after 10 months. In between another woman had her baby and is taking a year off. Do I think anything more or less of myself or the women? No, because I think we all have to do what makes us happy and works for us. I am in the position of being a "role model", but that didnt mean that I was going to stay at home for 6/9/12 months because otherwise I would be sending a poor message. I actually think I send a better message to people by making it clear to my employees that we all have choices and to do whatever makes each of us happy.

scottishmummy · 08/02/2010 23:03

clearly she is a driven woman,misplaced zeal to return so quickly imo.however,obviously her role and job are as defining for her as motherhood is too

differentnameforthis · 09/02/2010 00:09

"I think SAHM's will feel threatened by this article"

Why? No feeling threatened here! She can do what the hell she likes, as long as (and this I feel is more important that her right to have it all) the baby poses no distraction.

Can she really say her mind is 100% where it needs to be, with a newborn to look after? Afterall, we all know that it isn't just a breastfeed now & then that babies demand.

Is she really able to gibe her school, staff & pupils 100%? If so, great! But I wouldn't be happy if my dds teacher came to school with a baby in tow. That teacher has made a commitment to my daughter & the rest of her pupils...a commitment that can't, imo, be fulfilled 100% while looking after a baby.

Hell...I couldn't commit to my dd1 100% with my newborn in tow...how can 1 woman do it with an entire school?

gonaenodaethat · 09/02/2010 00:27

Sorry to miss the point, but £9,300 a term?! A TERM?! Fuck!

EcoMouse · 09/02/2010 01:28

This really isn't a big deal! If she felt able to and wanted to, fine.

I work from home and was back at it, single handed, after a post (4th)birth shower and cuppa but then, I'm a single mum and didn't have the opportunity or inclination to think anything of it!

I don't find the article 'threatening', I find it laughable.

EcoMouse · 09/02/2010 01:41

Forgot to say, YANBU

I wouldn't want to be this baby. At least at home I could limit stimulation, noise and bright lights while DC4 became accustomed to their new outside world.

mathanxiety · 09/02/2010 02:47

As a SAHM, I got right back in the swing of my work immediately after giving birth every time, cos if I hadn't, nobody would have eaten, nobody would have had clean clothes, nobody would have got homework done or even got off to school. exH was completely useless and figured he was being a fabulous H by going straight back to work and maybe doing a big grocery shop to tide us over for a week...

probono · 09/02/2010 03:15

lol mathanxiety

good point well made

quite bloody right