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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be glad that I am not this baby

158 replies

PercyPigPie · 08/02/2010 12:40

[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1249063/Headmistress-goes-school--7-hours-giving-birth.html here].

Bet she wouldn't be so chuffed if her staff started doing the same.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 08/02/2010 15:18

Hard to sit at desk and type reports with baby in sling, i would think.

(Not that I've ever used a sling )

VinegarTits · 08/02/2010 15:22

Speedy how are her dc not being nurtured and support by their parents? baby is obviously with her 24/7 and the other dc will be going to school as per usual and seeing her and baby when they get home, as she lives/works at the school

Are you saying that at least one parent has to be at home all the time for the dc?

Does that mean you think dc of lone parents who work FT are not nurtured and supported?

tethersend · 08/02/2010 15:27

"why cant women make their own personal choices without feeling the wrath of other women who choose differently?"

It's not about choice, vinegartits. I'm pretty sure not one national newspaper would be interested in writing an article about my inspirational choice to have my DD by caesarian, spend at least a week sitting on my fat arse, take 8 months maternity leave and then return to work part time.

It's about elevating one choice above another.

Having said that, if any national newspaper is interested in writing an article about my inspirational choices, do get in touch, I'd be happy to oblige.

SpeedyGonzalez · 08/02/2010 15:28

Do read my posts properly, VT. I said very clearly that it's a pity she didn't take a little longer on mat leave (I specifically said "even a couple of weeks"). Why are you extending this to "all the time"?

Bramshott · 08/02/2010 15:36

She will still be (or have been) on the baby high - it's amazing what you can get done in the first couple of days if you've had a straightforward birth. Both of my DDs have come early and I've had work to finish off once they've arrived and I've found both times that as long as you get it done before your hormones come crashing down as about Day 4, you will be fine.

As a wider point, I do think she's acting as a role model for some women, and makes a good point about women and new babies not being "shut away".

VinegarTits · 08/02/2010 15:36

'I'm saying that if her DH does work and she takes no more than 7 hours' maternity leave, then yes, it's a fair question to ask whether her children are getting the nurturing and support from their parents'

So you are implying that her dc are not nurtured and support because she choose not to take ML, How? please explain to me How? as i said before, baby is with her, other dc are at school, so how is it questionable that they not nutured and supported?

SpeedyGonzalez · 08/02/2010 15:56

Oh, good grief. VT, you clearly have an axe to grind. FFS, what is wrong with thinking it's a good thing to take a couple of weeks off work with one's newborn baby? (That's not a rhetorical question, by the way.)

I shall quote from my first post:

"It's a pity the article doesn't report their thoughts, and it doesn't say whether her DH works, but I do hope her children get the nurturing and family support they need from both parents."

  • In other words, I would like to know more about her whole family life. The article portrays her as driven. The current example of that is her taking 7 hours' maternity leave - an extreme choice made in favour of her work. We also know from the article that she took no mat leave with her other two children.

If, for example (note: "for example"), her husband is similarly driven, then it would be fair to assume that neither parent was available to the children in the way that the kids might need. As I've already said, we do not know this information but I would like to know.

When I said "I do hope" xyz for her kids, that does not mean "I bet they're not nurtured"; it actually means "I do hope that they are nurtured". Can you see the difference between these two interpretations? The first one was your interpretation. The second was what I actually wrote.

If you choose to see this as me "implying" specifics about her family life (rather than asking questions about it - questioning can be open-minded, you know), then that's because you're adding thoughts to my post that simply were not there.

I've had too many pointless debates like this on MN in the past. I shan't waste my time on arguing this point with you, it's clear that you're more interested in a verbal boxing match than an open-minded discussion.

VinegarTits · 08/02/2010 16:10

Oh FFS if your not going to answer the question then dont make ridiculous statements like you did, you implied that if both parents worked then it was questionable as to whether the dc were nutured and supported (your words dear, not mine)

how is questionable? you still havent answered me

ItsGrimUpNorth · 08/02/2010 16:16

"All of our situation are individual, we each do what suits us best"

Of course.

But are there really women out there for whom childbirth is not a very tiring experience? Are there really women who don't experience big hormonal flux after three or four days of having had a baby?

They must indeed be super women and far superior to the usual breed of mare.

This woman hasn't really gone back to work. She's pootling about the school where she lives. It's a non story.

SpeedyGonzalez · 08/02/2010 16:28

VT, I've ignored your question because it's completely irrelevant. It's irrelevant because you are assuming, wrongly, what you think I am implying. I have explained your error. You are not accepting my explanation. There is nothing I can say that will make you look at my posts with an open-mind, as you're too hung up on your own fallacious assumptions. So until you decide to open your mind I suggest you give it a rest.

pooexplosionsareimproving · 08/02/2010 16:29

When you say an extreme choice in favour of her work, I'm wondering if theres a subliminal message that actually reads in favour of herself? Is it perhaps part of the problem that she is putting her own needs/wants/desires above her child/children/husband/family?
Because as mothers, we aren't supposed to be selfish, we are meant to subsume ourselves to the needs of others around us, and a woman who doesn't is seen as freakish and unnatural.

Just wondering.

shockers · 08/02/2010 16:36

All very well if you have the energy and supportive employers that will let you combine work wirh BF/childcare but most mums don't have that luxury. I agree with sassybeast that it's not necessarily an helpful message to send out to girls that this may be the expectation.

shockers · 08/02/2010 16:37

However, it's her choice if it works for her.

SpeedyGonzalez · 08/02/2010 16:37

pooexplosions - errr, no.

Given that this time last year lots of folks were up in arms about Rachida Dati taking 5 days off after a c-section (IIRC people's arguments were both about her need to recover from the op AND her relationship with her baby), I think 7 hours is definitely at the more 'extreme' end of shortened mat leave!

Also...none of you knows anything about my work/ home situation, so any subliminal messages are all imagined!

hocuspontas · 08/02/2010 16:46

If she is only popping in and out then it's a complete non-story. I wonder who contacted the DM? Imagine a family who live above their shop and the mother wanders down 7 hours after giving birth, baby in sling, and proceeds to serve a few customers. You'd think someone was having a laugh if a national newspaper thought that warranted a story.

StealthPolarBear · 08/02/2010 16:50

or a woman who lives on a farm mucking out the ...errr..chickens a few hours after birth.
[not a country girl]

SpeedyGonzalez · 08/02/2010 16:57

Rofl at CityGirl Stealth! Glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks shoes should go 'click, click' when you walk, not 'squelch, squelch'!

On that note, I wonder what people's responses would be if the article had been about women in, say, Tanzania, who go back to work on a farm within hours of giving birth. I doubt there'd be anyone saying 'if they feel fantastic then why not?'.

Of course, now that I've said it, everyone will be saying that...

StealthPolarBear · 08/02/2010 16:58

oh I'm not a city girl either, live in a village, wear scruffy clothes...

SpeedyGonzalez · 08/02/2010 17:13

Oh! Well, in that case I really shouldn't be talking to you...

AmesBS7 · 08/02/2010 17:15

I expect that she is not an employee - ie she owns or part-owns the school.
The rules on maternity leave only apply to employees or 'workers'.

VinegarTits · 08/02/2010 18:00

Speedy you were implying, but you cannot answer my question because you have nothing to back up your stupid statement, fair enough if you can back it up with evidence, but you cant, so i will drop it

tethersend · 08/02/2010 18:21

Hmm. I wish one of you would drop it, TBH.

That, or get a room

SpeedyGonzalez · 08/02/2010 18:26

Rofl at both of you!

VinegarTits · 08/02/2010 18:29

tethers how very dare you

have booked us room 512

tethersend · 08/02/2010 18:32