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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be glad that I am not this baby

158 replies

PercyPigPie · 08/02/2010 12:40

[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1249063/Headmistress-goes-school--7-hours-giving-birth.html here].

Bet she wouldn't be so chuffed if her staff started doing the same.

OP posts:
LeninGrad · 08/02/2010 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

acebaby · 08/02/2010 14:30

I like this bit:

"breast-feeding her between meetings and letting her doze during the more arduous parts of her schedule"

how many babies would actually do that? Both of mine breastfed constantly for months, and DS1 never 'dozed' at all!

I don't think that very very new babies should be taken into work at all if it can be avoided. Also, even the easiest of births is hard on the body and women should be allowed to recover. Seven hours after giving birth, most women will still be experiencing after pains and heavy bleeding.

Of course, in some cases it can't be avoided - but I don't think that this is true here.

ToccataAndFudge · 08/02/2010 14:33

acebaby - DS2 dozed loads, and slept through early (such a shock to the system that was I thought he was dead when I woke up at 5am and realised he hadn't yet distured my sleep........he was "catching flies" in his moses basket quite happily )

StealthPolarBear · 08/02/2010 14:33

would be better if she felt she could bf in meetings

lisianthus · 08/02/2010 14:34

I just hope that she doesn't expect her teachers to display a similar "example" should they not want to do so.

StealthPolarBear · 08/02/2010 14:35

if she does that she will be in trouble, quite rightly too

VinegarTits · 08/02/2010 14:37

acebaby my ds2 did, i would have quite happily taken him to work with me in the early weeks as all he did was eat and sleep

each to their own, why cant women make their own personal choices without feeling the wrath of other women who choose differently?

ImSoNotTelling · 08/02/2010 14:38

toccata - it's only in hindsight though that people really know whether it would have worked IYSWIM.

If the baby is 7 hours old how can she possibly predict what sort it will be?

And if the baby does want to feed constantly/screams the place down etc what's she going to do then?

VinegarTits · 08/02/2010 14:44

imsonottelling i am assuming she was playing it by ear, as you do with newborns, and if the baby had started screaming the place down she would have taken it home, i am sure if she was having a stressful time she wouldnt be doing what she is doing, no?

baby seems contented, and mother seems relaxed and happy too

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/02/2010 14:47

I don't feel sorry for the baby. I am sure the baby is as happy as a sandboy, after all she is with her mother, and if her mother is in meetings at the time the baby will not know or care.

What a ridiculous OP title.

Tbh this woman is very lucky in that she lives on the job and is able to take her baby in. 99% of women would not be able to. So why the villification? I do not understand what she is doing wrong at all.

Women should be supported in whatever she wants to do, whether that is to go back to work 8 hours, 8 weeks, 8 months or 8 years after birth.

Something very loathsome about the way women slag off opposing choices.

acebaby · 08/02/2010 14:52

VinegarTits and toccata: I stand corrected. I guess that every baby is different and that some are chilled enough to take to work! I stand by what I said about the 7 hours old thing though - although I do wonder, after reading the article again, if she was really "returning to work" this early as opposed to showing off the baby. Many headmistresses at boarding schools live on site, so the boundary between home and work is bound to be blurred.

I actually did have to take my feisty DS1 into work, very briefly, when he was 3 weeks old to meet an imminent grant deadline. The only way I got through the meeting was to breastfeed throughout. My (male) boss didn't blink an eye!

ImSoNotTelling · 08/02/2010 14:54

Yes but having her used as an example of what women can do neglects the fact that for women in other jobs this would not be possible.

Most jobs you can't "play it by ear" and I am concerned with what happens if something changes and she wants a few days or even weeks off - as her maternity leave will have ceased etc.

What i am getting at is that in her position, living on site, and being the boss, she is presumably able to work how and when she likes and maybe there is something going on with her mat pay/normal pay etc. and she is giving herself the flexibility to stop if she needs to.

For most women this would not be the case - her situation is utterly exceptional.

VinegarTits · 08/02/2010 14:54

'So why the villification' because she is making us lesser mortals feel inadequate Getorf

i totally agree that women should be supported in what ever their choices are (unless they are leaving baby to fend for themselves of course) dont villify someone because you personally wouldnt choose to do the same, if you feel inadequate by someone else choice, thats your problem not theirs

thesteelfairy · 08/02/2010 14:56

I am wincing at the thought of dragging myself into work, tattered bits and all, only hours after giving birth.

Giselle Bundchen and her painless birth last week, this stalwart headmistress this week. It feels like Daily Mail Agenda pushing to me, as in "hey girlies stop whining about giving birth, look how real women do it".

Obviously positive birth stories are a good thing but personally I would have preferred to have been a bit more prepared realistically for what might happen when I gave birth rather than the standard "yes it hurts a bit but afterwards it's all worth it and you have your lovely little baby, and actually look what might happen if you really try, a practically pain free extremely positive experience". I know this must be true for some but for the majority its just not the case and it is wrong that we are not prepared properly for this immense experience.

ImSoNotTelling · 08/02/2010 14:59

I do wonder how her colleagues feel about it as well - Im trying to imagine doing my jobs with people toting babies around. There were anough when the office atmosphere was interrupted by the sound of children /babies when people brought them in for 5 mins in my jobs.

I would be a bit myself at trying to hold a meeting with a few babies dotted around the place, I find it hard enough (impossible TBH) to work at home with a baby around, except for when the the baby is asleep.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/02/2010 14:59

Look, everyone, we are using as our reference point an article from the Daily Mail.

Therein lies much of the problem.

ImSoNotTelling · 08/02/2010 15:01

Just mulling over the practicalities really, for her it obviously works and that's fine, I just think that hers is a very individual situation which allows her to do this.

WinkyWinkola · 08/02/2010 15:03

Yeah, what a super woman. Ludicrous.

Believe me, however straightforward the birth, she'll have felt absolutely wretched after 'going back to work' so soon. Her hormones will have been powering her on.

Bank a week of absolute rest and most women after a straightforward delivery will be feeling fantastic.

IMO, having a baby is kind of a big deal and to carry on just as as before is just setting every woman up for disappointment and other issues.

RockbirdandHerSpork · 08/02/2010 15:03

Coldtits. I apologise for posting so rashly and not formulating my sentences properly, for not thinking carefully about what I was saying. I am sorry you had such a hard time making out what I meant although I'm sure you could have worked it out, but preferred to be arsey instead.

VinegarTits · 08/02/2010 15:07

All of our situation are individual, we each do what suits us best

ImSoNotTelling · 08/02/2010 15:09

Where is xenia BTW

SpeedyGonzalez · 08/02/2010 15:12

Vinegartits, I'm saying that if her DH does work and she takes no more than 7 hours' maternity leave, then yes, it's a fair question to ask whether her children are getting the nurturing and support from their parents.

happymatleave · 08/02/2010 15:12

VinegarTits what I meant was that she is a role model for young girls and I don't think the message she is sending out to them is a good one. They may well aspire to be like her and feel inadequate when they are unable to achieve the same, which is more than likely. Not that we as a society should feel inadequate because we make different lifestyle choices to others.

I think it's great that she is showing them the baby, breastfeeding it around them etc. But they should be aware that it is not normal or easy for the majority of women to be back at work 7 hours after giving birth.

ImSoNotTelling · 08/02/2010 15:15

And that it's also not normal for most women to even be able to take a baby to work in the first place...

Blu · 08/02/2010 15:16

The brastfed baby is being held and cuddled while the Mum pops into the school which is on the same site.

This is nonsense DM froth - though do sympathise with her wanting to pose a bit of a challenge to that other head who said you can't have it all.

I took DS to meetings when he was tiny, I addessed an AGM with him in my arms, no-one suffered at all.

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