To "use up" a home start volunteer for myself...

[Bathsheba]

3 months ago I was really ill - I had bi-lateral (used to be called double) pneumonia, and swine flu, all whilst being 7 months pregnant. I was very ill but they wouldn't admit me to hopsital or give me anything other than standard gp care etc...

While I was ill I contacted my midwife and HV because I was in a position where my DH needed to go back to work (and go abroad for a number of days) but I couldn't look after my children - I was too ill. They looked into various options for me including Social Services Childminding but in the end my Dh was able to take 2 weeks dependants leave. However, at this point my Hv referred me to Home Start so that I would have some support if anything like that ever happened again.

I have since had my baby and I'm almost fully recovered from my c-section but my Dh is off back to work on Monday. I have 3 dds - 1 is ages 6 and at school full time, DD2 is 3 and goes to playgroup for 3 sessions a week and DD3 is 3 weeks old and is yummy.

The Home Start Co-ordinator phoned and said they now have a volunteer for me who can come and see me for a few hours a week and either give me a hand round the house, or look after the baby etc while I go and have a shower for example.

I feel really torn...I guess I'm a fairly typical middle class SAHM - my DH comes home every night (often at 6:30 - 7 but he is here every day apart from the odd business trip abroad) and my Mum is local. I also have a cleaner for a few hours once a week, which means the place isn't permanantly like a show home but it means that the bathrooms etc are regularly cleaned. I drive and have access to a car every day so we get out and about and I can take the girls to their activities. They have extra things like tennis lessons and ballet which, yes its sometimes a bit of a hassle to take them to, but at the end of the day these are optional things we have chosen for them to do and really I can't complain about them...

However the idea of someone coming round so I can have a LONG shower during the day, and maybe get a chance to tidy the bigger girls's room sounds fantastic - when my Mum is round I don't really do those types of things because she is here with me and we do things together....although I'm sure she'd watch the girls if I ask.

I had PND after DD1 was born, and PTSD after DD2 was born, so I can see why my HV is keen to surround me with support, but I feel a fraud taking a much needed volunteer away from possibly a single Mum or someone with little local family support, or a Mum without the opportunities I have.

The Home Start Co-ordinator is coming round to see me on Monday afternoon to discuss things and I'm really wondering if I should embrace the opportunity and say thank you, or if I should really explain that I feel a bit of a fraud and I understand her volunteers are like gold dust and someone more deserving really should have this volunteers time rather than me...

The showerwas exactly what a lot of our volunteers would ahve done TBH,and needwas based on whether the recipient felt they needed it. There was absolutely no class /income judgements made at all- but there was also a severe shirtage of volunteers.

Interesting posts bout socialservices /at risk kids- we did actually have some SS funding and I had at risk children on my books,SS would assess and refer them back for 'watching'. A complete inability to do anything to help those vulnerable children was one of the reasons I never returned after mat leave (and they went under just afterwards anyway). It was a bit ofadeal with the devil I guess- if they fund you, you will come.

Our remit was really wherever we were needed- not really crisis, unless they'd been assessed and passed to us by SSD (I can only think of two times that happened, both very short term). Basically if we ahd a referralwe assessed if there was space on our list and if a suitable amtch came along we made it- we put suitability of match over waiitng time but of course there would be people in your mind as urgent.

Cases could be anything- really, often the people you'dleast imagine, experiencing isolation, or peoplerehouased through the DV scheme,where Mum had PND- we ahd a good record with aprents with LD as well.

I honestly don't think there was a typical HS family but the child I went on mat leave for is now 6.5 so of course things change all the time.

As we've moved away, there have certainly been times over the last few years that i've wished there was a scheme covering our village which I imagine is a pretty good recommendation really. It's a great model, something i'd like to adapt for the post/ during DX asd world in a more specialised format if I ever get any cash (so highly unlikely then LOL) but its a victim of its own modelaswell, certainly we found that the quietnessand confidentiality that we held dear (not turning up at the door in a HS sweater or whatever) meant we weren't seen in the community IYSWIM, in turn making funding hard to come by so when the lottery grants ran out.... it took a while but what with never having enough volunteers to meet other funders requirements etc,the end was somewhat inevitable.

thanks shandy

4 hours training for 10 weeks ?

that is pretty indepth !

and lends gravity to the fact that HS is not some 2-bit babysitting service

if OP was deemed to be qualifying for HS support, then I am sure we should trust that it was judged to be appropriate

and those who have judged it innappropriate on this thread don't know their arse from their elbow

I agree with Cloudbase.

And if someone loaded with cash accepts help fomr HS, maybe they will donate money or thier time in the future by one day becoming a volunteer themselves.

I have seen a lot of well meaning initiatives such as Sure Start at close hand.My informal conclusion is that most readily accessed by those who need them the least-as is the case with a great deal of things like this.

Outcomes are also very disappointing.

Your welcome AnyFucker

sure start different though because publically funded with a clear aim of social mobility (even if called something else).

This voluntary and with the aim of supporting parents of young families. In which case you need some engagement from the person receiving the support (as you with fir example portage).

apologies iPod - but I don't think home start and sure start should be compared. Sure start has clear socio-economic aims, home start doesn't.

You're welcome even.

yes and no re:Surestart Moondog. One of the centres near me was fabulous - put on a potted Hanen course - You Make the Difference, and had a friendly toddler group (play and learn ethos) run by a lovely but firm retired primary teacher. Really made a difference to me and DS in the lonely SN pre-school years. And this centre attracted a range of people - I would say mostly local poor and immigrant families rather than yummy mummies and the middle-class needy. Some of the Centre staff (not all admittedly) were fabulous, which probably was a big help in getting a good mix of people in.

What a horrible thread.

OP, I really hope you haven't got this far reading it, if you have then I hope you get all the help you need amd haven't been upset by the unnecessary nastiness posted here.

Our outcomes were pretty good- but hard to quantify.

That trianing specified is what we used to do so still the same then. We'd also train on specifics as well- indeed, it was the ASDsession I organised that made me pick up ds1's AS. Weused to holdseminars on things like ASD,ADHD, whatever and parents and volunteers would be invited.

We'dusually ahve two staff at the training and we'd be looking for things like judgemental natures, and lots on who we could match the volunteer would.We'd hope topick up on anything significant and offer training around it. But you know, there's usually someone you can match someone to-it really was (andno doubt is) a mixed bag.

Moondog I don'tagree about the coping thing. I saw someone today with a really severe autistic child and I thought what kind of shit am I that I struggle with my two- but I knew the asnswer: she was there with her Mum and friends and I was there alone as pernormal (DH being busy somuch these days tryng to feed us). I could sit about feeling terrible that my coping skills re less and my netwrok far away, or I could just acknowledge that I do sometimes need helpand access it where I can, which would seem so much more useful and proactive- and a damned site mroe likely to keep us all floating.

There are 168 hours in each week. The OP will gain support for 2 of them.

thesecondcoming - I don't quite know why you would be if you were asked to provide childcare - that is exactly what my homestart volunteer does. She arrives at an agreed time. I make her a cuppa, have a chat, then my time is my own. I can stay with them, or go out, take the computer upstairs, do some paperwork, tidy the kitchen, whatever.

I do intervene when DD1 is being a challenge, but the HSV is very keen that I don't, because it is time for me to chill. I wouldn't dream of asking her to clean (nor is it her remit), but it frees me to do so knowing that DD1 is supervised.

It is attitudes like those of posters on this thread that made me reluctant to accept the help offered. I would be truly devestated if Rosie saw me as a poor unfortunate, or a woman who feels 'entitled'.

I hope that Rosie sees me as I am: A mother of three young children, one with SNs, who is trying to put out a fire with a water pistol. I see her as arriving with a few buckets of water

surestart has a target specific demographic
home start doesn't
they are non comparable

Actually,MrsT, my job title was:

'Home Start Sure Start co-ordinator'

So tehre is interaction sometimes,though not always.

My 'area' was the sure start one and I was part of that team, also helping with Sure Start family groups etc. It had positives and negatives.

And of course themost confusing job title ever

Oh, and can we stop saying that the HV assessed the OP? They don't, they simply fill in a form telling HS about the potential client. It is HS who decide who they take on.

Yes but surely your sure start hat had socio economic 'targets' or aims whereas your home start one didn't.

For example I tried to go on a sure start signing course when ds3 was small (for obvious reasons - he was high risk for a commnication disorder) but wasn't allowed to as I live in the wrong area. I would imagine that had I tried to access home start that economic assessment wouldn't have played a part in the decision.

Is that not more to do with funding boundaries, MrsT?

suspect they were being v. jobsworth re: the signing course MrsT. Living in the centre I was technically out of catchment for virtually all the centres - but as long as I didn't want to use the nursery or get free safety equipment, the centres were happy to get more punters in. And HVs also had the power to refer a certain % of out of area parents to the centres anyway.

Well,my only clientele base was the SS one, so obviously I had exactly the same socio economic base as them- and my workwas counted into their stats.

But the other 2 workers didn't have that at all,I was very much an anomaly caused in part I think that the Sure Start Manager held my job before me.

Normally, there are no socio-economic factors at all. You have your geographical area and anyone within that is welcome. Indeed, taht was the case with me except that the area was specifically ther because of huge need.

Even within that though there werepockets of relative affluence and we had famillies from that and they were welcome. In fact,someone whose DPwashigh flying and always away would have been very welcome as part of our isolation caseload-why someone felt isolated was none of our business tbh.

Same council. Same city. The centre I was trying to access is about 3 miles away. But I don't live in the immediate area near the centre (which is classed as deprived) so couldn't access it. That's presumably what scottishmummy means about target demographics.

But with the access- yes if you'd lived in thewrong area you wouldn't have it; tyhere's a HS 3 miles from us I can't utilise as weare not in catchment, and I do remember panics when someone moved out of catchment and a very complex process to enable the volunteer to stay involving an EGM.

Socio-economic factors were nothing to do with it though,there just needed to be a boundar somewhere I think.

my point though was that home start doesn't have that selection criterion so shouldn't be compared.

It is true they shouldn't be compar4ed as they arevery different entites.I swear I spent many man hours explaining the differences though.

agh x posted - home start doesn't have that socio economic factor to what it does. It may have geographical ones but not financial ones.