To "use up" a home start volunteer for myself...

[Bathsheba]

3 months ago I was really ill - I had bi-lateral (used to be called double) pneumonia, and swine flu, all whilst being 7 months pregnant. I was very ill but they wouldn't admit me to hopsital or give me anything other than standard gp care etc...

While I was ill I contacted my midwife and HV because I was in a position where my DH needed to go back to work (and go abroad for a number of days) but I couldn't look after my children - I was too ill. They looked into various options for me including Social Services Childminding but in the end my Dh was able to take 2 weeks dependants leave. However, at this point my Hv referred me to Home Start so that I would have some support if anything like that ever happened again.

I have since had my baby and I'm almost fully recovered from my c-section but my Dh is off back to work on Monday. I have 3 dds - 1 is ages 6 and at school full time, DD2 is 3 and goes to playgroup for 3 sessions a week and DD3 is 3 weeks old and is yummy.

The Home Start Co-ordinator phoned and said they now have a volunteer for me who can come and see me for a few hours a week and either give me a hand round the house, or look after the baby etc while I go and have a shower for example.

I feel really torn...I guess I'm a fairly typical middle class SAHM - my DH comes home every night (often at 6:30 - 7 but he is here every day apart from the odd business trip abroad) and my Mum is local. I also have a cleaner for a few hours once a week, which means the place isn't permanantly like a show home but it means that the bathrooms etc are regularly cleaned. I drive and have access to a car every day so we get out and about and I can take the girls to their activities. They have extra things like tennis lessons and ballet which, yes its sometimes a bit of a hassle to take them to, but at the end of the day these are optional things we have chosen for them to do and really I can't complain about them...

However the idea of someone coming round so I can have a LONG shower during the day, and maybe get a chance to tidy the bigger girls's room sounds fantastic - when my Mum is round I don't really do those types of things because she is here with me and we do things together....although I'm sure she'd watch the girls if I ask.

I had PND after DD1 was born, and PTSD after DD2 was born, so I can see why my HV is keen to surround me with support, but I feel a fraud taking a much needed volunteer away from possibly a single Mum or someone with little local family support, or a Mum without the opportunities I have.

The Home Start Co-ordinator is coming round to see me on Monday afternoon to discuss things and I'm really wondering if I should embrace the opportunity and say thank you, or if I should really explain that I feel a bit of a fraud and I understand her volunteers are like gold dust and someone more deserving really should have this volunteers time rather than me...

What's being middle class and having tennis lessons got to do with it some fool asks.

Quite a lot actually,primarily because it suggests that if you need 'support' you should reach into yuor pockets and pay for it. Reserves scarce resources for those who don't have the cash.

For this reason, as I flit between folding my White Company bedding and dusting my Oka accessories, while sippping a glass of Chablis, revelling in the view from my glorious country abode the thought that goes through my head re 'coping' is not

'Let's see if I can rip the piss out of a scarce resource to attend my aerobics class'

but

'I'll ring that nice girl up the road and ask if she can do a spot of babysitting for me for some good hard cash. Then I can fling myself around a sports hall for a bit and come home feeling better.'

when you are all finished fighting each other,take a deep breath because none of us were there when hv made her Ax.this nit picking of op and reading significance into
a cleaner b shower is off at a tangent and daft

mental illness does not distinguish rich or poor.

brooke shields
gail porter
nicole appleton
gwyneth paltrow

all prosperous,with nice houses,and cleaners.all had PND.prosperity isnt a buffer against pnd.rich or poor pnd can strike

Aerobics classes don't solve serious health problems - mental or physical - though...

I used to think you spoke with a certain air of gravitas Scottish.

So Moondog - in your professional life you limit your services to those who 'deserve' them do you?

PureAs has it, deste

regular exercise has been shown to be beneficial in reducing reported mental health symptoms.which is why gps can make referrals to pct for subsided exercise programmes

Absolutely.
I sit there with a clipboard and strike off anyone who dares drive up in anything more upmarket than a Mondeo.

Similalry, I quizz them on what paper they read and how often deep fried food is consumed.

Dotty P passes muster but a whiff off Per Una and you are out on yer arse.

moondog, get a grip. We have the message now that you have a lovely life. Well done. I share your view that the OP should perhaps leave the resources of HS for someone who can't afford help. I just don't get why you need to be such a bitch about saying it. You are deliberately misinterpreting what the OP was asking - she didn't 'whinge', she didn't feel entitled and moan about lack of support. She asked a fucking question. I would have thought such a together, wonderful example of motherhood and womanhood as yourself would be able to read what was actually being said, not what you feel like having a rant about.

A healthy, balanced lifestyle over a long period of time is definitely good protection against all sorts of mental and physical health problems.

But if you have serious mental health issues, paying a teenager £10 to enable you to go to the gym is like giving aspirin to a cancer sufferer.

Excellent - glad you cleared that up.

£12 actually.

tethersend

bit narked my own long-winded, revealing post has gone unnoticed

Moondog - What's your damage?

RCP benefits of exercise and mental health well established and subject to rigorous peer reviews

Bonsoir - very well said!

exercise used as part of a therapeutic programme inc medication,and purposeful activity has demonstrably positive outcomes.exercise raises endorphins,raises energy levels,can be useful distraction

good mental health is a range of interventions appropriate for that person

Agree with givemesleep. Quite how asking whether she was deserving of a volunteer turned the OP into her being portrayed as some volunteer stealing piss taker I don't know.

FGS OP if you get offered a volunteer accept and don't worry about these whingebags.

no wonder the OP is long gone.....

I've just begun a course to become a Homestart volunteer. My motivation for wanting to become a volunteer was simply to be able to help out in any way I can. I don't feel qualified to judge, and actually I don't want to judge, how anyone I'm assigned to uses their time with me.

If I was placed with someone like the op, it wouldn't bother me if she wanted a long shower, it wouldn't bother me if she wanted to go and read a book, it wouldn't bother me if she wanted to dance naked round the house.

I'm there to help her to feel a bit better, I'm preventing (hopefully) another mum sliding down the slippery slope into depression, and shepherding her away from the misery that pnd brings. Also, of course, if I do the job properly, I'm helping to alleviate the burden this person may have placed on wider services such as gp, nhs and social services etc.

Those of you who have been so critical of the op have been unfair I feel as she obviously feels guilty about using this resource, which is why she was posting in the first place. And, I know that some of us will have done it all on our own - but how many of us would have chosen to do it that way? Why begrudge anyone help if there are people out there willing to give it.

Op, best of luck to you, and if you are offered a volunteer go for it.

Thesecondcoming - can I just ask why you became an hs volunteer?

moondog, you said you had lived in other countries where the was more family and community support - what about the governments of those countries, the justice system? how would you describe them?

i've noticed that countries with strong family support systems tend to have pretty corrupt and untrustworthy governments, usually centralized.

the british place a lot of importance on the individual, rather than the family unit, which i think partly explains why the uk govt, while not immune to corruption, is not as riddled as many other countries. it also explains why the op doesn't have a strong support system of her own in place. we simply do not have the same respect for the family and neighborhood, as other countries do, particularly s. europe.

as always it's swings and roundabouts - you can't have everything.

What is HS remit? Surely it's not to step in when someone is at crisis point? There should be other agencies involved then? It it's to support someone at risk then presumably the OP might fit the criteria.

If you need a friendly ear you're not going to get that paying for someone to babysit. That's a different thing surely?

shandy, forgive my question, but what does training to be a HS vol entail ?

have seriously considered it myself, but don't really have that much time to spare (maybe 2-3 hrs/week)

I had nasty depression a few years ago. I remember really wanting to get out of public spaces and just close a door and be on my own - I'd go to the ladies' and lock the door and feel an immense sense of relief. Surely that's no more strange/'unnecessary' than Bathsheba wanting her long shower and body lotion? I'm asking this because a lot of people seem to be judging her for mentioning this example, and I'm thinking, 'yes, so what - if it's what helps her to cope and not get PND again, who cares?'.

AnyFucker, I'm just at the beginning of a ten week course. The course lasts for 4 hours every Wednesday (in my case). Each week covers different subjects (can't remember what now and too lazy to go downstairs to find the paper but things like benefits etc)

Before getting onto the course you have to fill in an application form, then a co-ordinator comes to your home for an informal interview. I think you can specify how much time a week you want to actually volunteer for, could be as little as an hour, but you do have to be able to guarantee, as far as you can, that you will stay with an assigned family for the minimum period. I'm not sure what that minimum period is - perhaps 6 weeks, although if you just can't get on with your assigned family, or vice versa, you can change.