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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally unreasonablly angry/frustrated at people who say "But I have no choice" or "I have no other option"

158 replies

SnapDragons · 05/02/2010 22:12

There is always another choice

You may not like any of the other options/choices but that doesn't mean they do not exist

Your 'non-choices' may be so far outside your experience you cannot deal with them - but that doesn't make them any less a valid choice

OP posts:
FlamingoBingo · 05/02/2010 22:13

yanbu

kinnies · 05/02/2010 22:15

Sometimes there is no other option.

I think it depends on the situation.

herbietea · 05/02/2010 22:15

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MollieO · 05/02/2010 22:17

We need an [OP is speaking bollocks] emoticon. I reckon I could make good use of it on this thread.

TheCrackFox · 05/02/2010 22:17

We really need some specific scenarios to help us judge move this debate forward.

heQet · 05/02/2010 22:18

It's true. There is always a choice. I say it so often I bore myself but shitty choice 1 v shitty choice 2 is still a choice. Nobody is in a situation where there is no choice. The consequences of certain choices may be so severe that you wouldn't consider them, but they do exist.

Name me 1 situation where there is no choice and I'll name the choice you're not seeing! If I can't, I'll strip naked in the co-op window and do the funky chicken with a rose up my arse.

epithet · 05/02/2010 22:19

YABU - what is really bloody annoying is people saying 'I have two choices'.

herbietea · 05/02/2010 22:19

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Goblinchild · 05/02/2010 22:21

I do want to punch people who say 'Oh, I don't know how you cope, I couldn't possibly' when referring to my DS.
Not as nauseating as 'God gives special children to special people' which deserves the disembowelment of the speaker, but still quite irritating.
And the alternative choice would be what exactly OP?

Original poster
SnapDragons · 05/02/2010 22:22

That's what I mean heQet & people use it to justify just about anything

I wasn't really talking specifics - just that it annoys me

OP posts:
2shoes · 05/02/2010 22:23

yabu
there is sometimes no choice

Original poster
SnapDragons · 05/02/2010 22:23

Punching them?

Disembowelment seems a reasonable reaction to me (don't see what the problem is there tbh)

OP posts:
heQet · 05/02/2010 22:23

I know. To say you have 'no' choice is never true. You have options that for whatever reason you personally would not consider, but that's, again, your choice. Options exist in every situation.

2shoes · 05/02/2010 22:24

oh I should have read goblinchids post first, as she said it better,

Goblinchild · 05/02/2010 22:26

Oh, I get it now..I cope with my son, or I pop up to Manchester and chuck him out somewhere along the M62 and drive back south pretty sharpish.
Well, since you put it that way, of course I always have a choice.

heQet · 05/02/2010 22:27

well, I have 2 children with autism. It's very hard sometimes. I cope, it's ok. But what is my choice? I could say I have no choice. They're my children, I love them, I have no choice but to deal with it.

But that would not be true. (it's true that I love them )

I can keep going
I can have them fostered / adopted.

They are choices. Now I would never consider the latter, but that doesn't mean the option itself does not exist, simply that I am not prepared to opt for that choice. So I have made a choice. By refusing to consider one option, I have chosen the other.

herbietea · 05/02/2010 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

heQet · 05/02/2010 22:28

goblinchild, that's it.

gaelicsheep · 05/02/2010 22:29

It is a turn of phrase that is often used as shorthand for "no other feasible/realistic option". OP is being needlessly pedantic.

Let's go to the crux of the issue here, as it bet it's one of the examples in the OP's mind. A woman can't produce enough breastmilk for a medical reason. According to the OP she has three equally valid choices. Feed her baby by an alternative method (ie formula). Try to source breastmilk from a milk bank or find a wet nurse, fail, and then feed her baby formula. Or leave things as they are and let her baby starve to death. Oh yes, it's quite simple when you look at it like that.

heQet · 05/02/2010 22:29

go without a paper.
ask someone to get it for you
have it delivered
read it online

get microwave meals
order in
have a sandwich

have dh make you a flaskful before he lives
drink water

Choices don't always mean you get what you want

Drooper · 05/02/2010 22:31

Absolutely agree with OP and heQet.

Of course we all have choices. Sometimes the choice is nearly unthinkable, but it is there.

heQet · 05/02/2010 22:32

I think it is important to feel that you have made the choices. You can either feel trapped in a situation, that you have "no choice" or you can be positive and know that you have made the choices that are right for you / the situation and take the power and control. You are where you have to be. You are in charge, not a victim. You see? I did what I had to do v I had no choice.

Mumcentreplus · 05/02/2010 22:32

...some options are not viable..so they are non-options..like when I returned to work..I didn't want to..but one option was losing the house..is it really an option if its the roof over your head?..

Original poster
SnapDragons · 05/02/2010 22:33

Oh god no - I never even think about feeding babies

More about defending lifestyles/choices made when there are (perfectly obviously) no options......when there are

OP posts:
2shoes · 05/02/2010 22:33

heQet i disagree, of course you have no choice,
any right to a choice was take away when your dc was born with a disabilty(same as mine) after that there is no choice.