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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a crush on my friends 16 year old neighbour!!!

97 replies

CradleSnatcher · 02/02/2010 08:42

He is just so lovely and makes my own DP seem like a useless sack of shite

He looks a lot older... does that make it better???

OP posts:
Mishy1234 · 02/02/2010 10:16

I think sometimes these feelings just happen and there's not anything you can do about that. However, you've said you wouldn't act on it and know he's still only a boy.

So, you've had these feelings and know it wouldn't be right to act on them. As others have said, step back and concentrate on your marriage instead.

MarineIguana · 02/02/2010 10:37

16 is the age of consent. I do think it would be weird and unequal for a significantly older woman to have a relationship with a boy that age (just as vice versa), and yes 16 is emotionally immature - but I don't think it's wrong to lust after a 16yo who looks like a grown man. It's what we're naturally inclined to do.

MissWooWoo · 02/02/2010 10:51

YANBU to have a crush

Rhubarb · 02/02/2010 10:56

When I worked at a French High School the lads there were always impeccably dressed and drop dead handsome. They really know how to look after themselves the French, some of them looked like James Dean!

But they were only 15-16. So my feelings were certainly not sexual ones towards them at all. I admired them for looking so gorgeous, much as I admired the girls for looking so pretty. But that's all.

It wouldn't feel right to me to lust after a boy.

I mean, they are still growing at that age and anyone who still has growing to do is a child imho.

Rhubarb · 02/02/2010 10:58

Bubblerock, when I was 17 I had a huge crush on a 32yo. Now when I look back I cannot believe how immature and childish I was and I just thank God he never took advantage of me, as I really wasn't emotionally ready for that, but I probably would have let him if he had tried it on.

That's what it is really, is taking advantage of someone who is emotionally too immature to know better. Whereas as the older one, you are supposed to know better.

Keep this crush in your head only.

Fimblehobbs · 02/02/2010 11:04

When I was 16 I went out with a 25 year old man for a few months. I may have seemed old and mature but I really really wasn't, and I wish I hadn't have done it. More than that I think back and wonder what sort of adult would want to go out with a child? I thought he was wonderful at the time, when he was just a sad loser.

juneybean · 02/02/2010 11:04

I wouldn't say 6 years is significantly older?

scaredoflove · 02/02/2010 11:09

I dated a 23 year old for a year when I was 16 and it was a lovely relationship but I'm thinking it is wrong the other way around. Why is that? I can't work out why I think it's wrong

pagwatch · 02/02/2010 14:48

electra...'The thing is that boys this age are often very mature of body but still boys in their heads.'
Errr, does that ever change?? They are 'very young' at 22, 'too young to take responsibility' at 27......and so it goes on!!!!

I think you are talking about immaturity and i am talking about young men still being boys

I shan't list DS1's boyish traits for fear of revealing his private life. But boys wanting to play with toys, kicking footballs on the street, getting the giggles, wanting a blanket to cuddle under on the sofa are the types of things I mean.
I don't mean being irresponsible or feckless.

DH was still pretty boyish when I met him ( he was just 18) so we didn't date - he was too young ( I was 24) But he propsed to me on his 20th birthday, we married when he was 21 and had a first child a few years later. He was not a boy then but probably was four years earlier.

It is the same as girls. I dated a guy of 23 when I was 15. I thought I was old enough but I was still a girl and shouldn't have really. I think my mum was pretty worried. two years later I probably was ready for the same age gap as those few years are important

Portofino · 02/02/2010 15:00

Um, thought I saw the boxroom troll out and about today. Just a thought......

thesunshinesbrightly · 02/02/2010 16:52

Yes like most on here, my reaction was and i was quite disgusted, but then i thought back to when i was younger.. just seem's different the other way round

maristella · 02/02/2010 17:22

juneybean, we wouldn't be saying that if she'd posted a mere 12 months ago!
op, 16 is a bit young!! don't mistake schoolboy manners for maturity.

ClaraJo · 02/02/2010 20:25

Hm. I know quite a few of my male contemporaries who slept with older women (ie in their mid-20s) when they were in their late teens (16+). They don't seem traumatised....

Everyone who is - did your 16-year-old male friends never share their thoughts with you?! You only have to hear my DDs' friends talk about MILF to know it's never far from their thoughts. They don't want a relationship, they just want to get laid.

Plus ca change...

More worrying to me is that the OP has a partner and is looking elsewhere.

juneybean · 02/02/2010 22:11

True lol but he is still the age of consent and she's only crushing on him, hardly about to make a move!

MissWooWoo · 02/02/2010 22:52

well ladies, I've had a bit of a crush on

carl from Shameless for years and he's only just turned 20 now!

hellymelly · 02/02/2010 23:05

there's only six years between you for goodness sake.I thought you were going to say you were my age .I am 8 years older than DH and I met him when he was younger than you-just-and he is 37 now,we still love each other.In fact when I was 23 I had a crush on this really sweet boy but when I found out he was 15 I sort of squashed my crush! and yet there was the same age gap as there is between DH and me.(should mention all the other objects of my crushes have been my age or older!)

LaurieFairyCake · 02/02/2010 23:15

I think the problem with 16 year old boys is that with their clothes on they look ok but just remember that when their nekkid they have no chest hair.

So not manly, just a boy. All gangly and with no enough hair.

Remember that discussion on here about Daniel Radcliffe when he did the play and was naked in it - there was lots of people doing at the pictures of his hairless, adolescent body. Some mumsnetters had a bit of a crush.

MissWooWoo · 02/02/2010 23:19

er, my dp doesn't have any chesthair, he's in his 40s and is very manly thank you

I don't like a hairy chest much

LaurieFairyCake · 02/02/2010 23:21

What, not even the odd nipple hair?

Just making the point that young boys have really little hair.

hewasmytwin · 02/02/2010 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissWooWoo · 02/02/2010 23:40

no! his nipples are smooth ... he's not from round these parts see

I say that a hairy chest is not common on men (only counting those over 21) ... I've had my fair share and the majority have been hairless

my dad has a very hairy chest

MissWooWoo · 02/02/2010 23:52

OMG! your post has just reminded me of something hewasmytwin

when I was (just) 20, I met a guy in a nightclub, he walked me back to a friends house (where I was staying) and we had a bit of drunken fumble (as you do) before saying goodnight. He rang me a few days later and all was going swimmingly well until he said he had something to confess .... here we go I thought, he's got a girlfriend! I wish.

"I'm not 18" he said "I'm only 15" and then confirmed it by saying something like "but you will still go out with me won't you?"

I can tell you I was and and but mostly

I swear to god he looked 18 if he looked a day but of course I very politely declined his offer of a date.

Mumcentreplus · 02/02/2010 23:53

Mad about the boy
I know it's stupid to be mad about the boy
I'm so ashamed of it but must admit the sleepless nights I've had
About the boy

On the silverscreen
He melts my foolish heart in every single scene
Although I'm quite aware that here and there are traces of the cad
About the boy...

Tortington · 02/02/2010 23:54

10 - 1 he has backne

Tortington · 02/02/2010 23:54

wanks in a sock