Former friend with chequered past about to marry Saudi muslim...

[BelleDameSansMerci]

...and I am genuinely concerned that she doesn't necessarily have the temperament for monogamy. AIBU to be so worried or should I just keep my beak out?

I should state that although I am not religious I do have a lot of respect for the Muslim faith and my concern is not that she has converted, etc, but that she will find it hard to live according to Muslim law in Saudi.

Background - we were close friends approx 9 years ago when she moved to Bahrain. She married English chap based out there. I went to wedding, etc. She was quickly unhappy and the marriage ended. She has since floated about from man to man and has now become engaged to a Saudi Muslim and is fully covered, etc.

She has always wanted a man who will provide for her financially so she doesn't have to work and is not great at taking responsibility for her actions. So, on the one hand this may be ideal for her but, on the other, I am very worried that her overly romantic streak and desire to be desired and adored by new men may prove disastrous if she is living in Saudi.

Great posts groundhogs. MOS, wrt to you joke about bacon sarnies, I didn't think you could get pork products at all in KSA. Can you?

This reminds me of the time my dh came and told me he went looking for the hotel bar which serves non-Muslims in an oasis town in a fairly strict Muslim country. He took a wrong turn, opened a door and found the local speakeasy which was full of local Muslim men drinking alcohol.

yes why not 4 husbands. there are a few cultures which practice polyandry and it works for them.

lol, jeez 4 husbands, from that place? oh just shoot me now, please?

thanks for the comments ladies, but tbh i wish in every fibre of my being that i could have lived my entire life without ever gaining such experience!

I'll leave all the bacon sarnies to you all, (don't eat it myself) but will definately chip in for the hp sauce!

GothAnneGeddes, In case you think your link was ignored I went and read it. It's a fairly transparent attempt to say that "disagreeing with anything I say is racist" and it's been tried many times before even on MN. Often by people who don't really understand racism in the first place.

For someone to say they don't like Arabs or black people because they are Arabs or black people is not just wrong, but very stupid.

Race has no direct effect on behavior and it's the behavior that matters when you decide if you like/approve of someone.

If you disagree with a culture/religion on the basis of how that culture/religion encourages people to act that makes sense since now it IS the behavior that you're objecting to.

If you tried to follow the logic of that article you could never disagree with anyone who was of a different race in any circumstances. That's just daft.

It may well be true that some people try and mask their racism, but that doesn't make objecting to say the foreign policy of Israel the same as hating jews. It just makes those particular people liars.

There's no more a good reason for 4 husbands as 4 wives and a fair country which allows 4 wives would allow 4 husbands. Plenty of women around the world have more than one man anyway. It's why men traditionally seek (but often fail) to control women, by subjecting them to FMG, by making them cover up, my not allowing them out without a male relative being with them, by not allowing daughters an education, by requiring father's permission to marry and then hand them like a chattel from father to husband for a bride price. yet even so women's biological imperative has the effect that they marry dull stable men but often breed on the side, secretly with exciting men. Up to 30% of babies born in marriage aren't their father's child.

Other cultures have women without one man they are tied to at all.

I certainly think the feminist movements in place like Egypt, Iran, Saudi need huge encouragement and money particularly from the West so girls there get the chances we have to live a free life and not be treated as chattels of men.

Onager - I do know what racism is thank you very much and I think you completely misread the link, but so be it.

This thread has descended into something most unpleasant, so I think I'm going to bow out now.

corrrrr - don't you just love the way that the muslims and those living in Saudi have been attacked as if they know nothing

Riven.............is that true about the PJ's in Tesco............you weren't wearing PJ's when we went for lunch were you???

and btw - if Riven isn't a 'muslim' then she has an interesting taste in clothes

foxy, sadly it was just wishful thinking, we can't get any pork products (or alcohol) in KSA. I think however some of the americans on a base out here can get it but not us 'normal' people.

Toccata you are right, it is great the way that people who actually live places like that or are muslim are made to feel they know nothing. The number of times people have said I'm wrong and I don't have to wear an abaya and veil in Saudi and I CAN buy alcohol and bacon in hotels. Problem is, some people go to say Dubai on holiday for 5 days and assume all muslim countries are the same.

Actually, thinking about it, I could probably live with 4 husbands if they were Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Pierce Brosnan and Seely Booth from Bones. Other than that, no thanks

I suppose the point is that whilst men can have 4 wives women can't.
Of course mulims know lots of things and plenty campaign and even die for women's rights. I believe they all have a moral duty to do so as well as all the other things civilised people don't believe in like the death penalty. Eastern culture used to be ahead of ours and it's sad it went backwards (as indeed did British after the Romans left, in the dark ages).

Ok so Im bit late to this discussion as Im a new member. But this message is directed to 'Riven' or whatever that name was again.

Look, your messages bout the "Wahabis" is a typical sufi message. But first of all let me educate you and tell you that the name "wahabi" is a joke. Its the nastiest joke in Islamic history. There'r NO wahabis. And if some men/women claim that they follow wahabism then I suggest you ask them directly of who the hell ordered them to follow that term/group etc? You probably gonna argue that wahabism was founded by Muhammad Ibn Abdul Wahab but let me ask you something. Did he order people to follow him? Did he already establish a group of his own called after his surname calling people to join that group? And what did exactly M.A Wahhab teach? You went on typing 'The founder dismissed a thousand years of Islamic thought'. Really? Have you read his book? Now tell me what exactly he "dismissed"? And let see if what you regard Islamic thought is really Islamic and based on what the Quran and Sunnah teaches.

Look I dont care whether you're a Muslim or not, but based on your info it doesnt seem that you know much. Alqaeda is follower of Sayyid Qutb hence they'r known as Qutbis. And the same goes for the taliban coz they believe in the forced conversion in Islam which is obviously wrong. Also most of these egyptian qutbis encourage violence.

I suggest you check the website 'thewahhabimyth.com' or Haneef James Oliver's book The Wahhabi Myth. It is very informative and for once you'll get an Islamic perspective of what they believe the wahhabi is.

Now I sure hope you will c this message

OP I think you are a lovely friend to be so concerned (not read thread will catch up with it in a bit)
I think as long as your friend knows and I mean really knows what she is getting in to and that you are here for her if it goes wrong.

Personally I would not chose this way of life as the thought of having to leave my children if the marriage did not work would kill me.

I hope your friend is very happy, who knows this could be the life she needs.

X

By Riven Tue 02-Feb-10 :

Wahabi's see every type of muslim apart from themsleves as wrong

I think you may be backing up Riven's claims there Huda, will check out the that website now............ and see what it says