(Dear IPOATthe Fourth, that a happy ending is altogether unlikely?

[Hullygully]

Or not?

Oh! Yes! That is fine! I have longevity! Hurrah!

Oi, Lakshmi, a word to the wise - this lot are trouble, do keep a close eye on them, won't you?

It is lovely that people wander through striving to make some sense of this.
But it is not to be fathomed. It is slippery and beguiling and defies understanding.
It is, in short, as confusing as an arsey gallic Malificent weaving complicated tales of educational debacles. And as pointless. That is its charm.

You, my fruity Pagwaaatch, are slippery, beguiling and defy understanding. That is why I warm your spoons.

Well, now we are here, what are we to do? Will there be a ball in our honour? Shall we hunt tigers? I am not really of a frame of mind to meditate just now.

Paggy feeling fruity

Hunt?!? Dear Lord NO woman!

Lest we forget your insatiable thirst for torture and death.

No, this is a peaceful place of pleasure.

(can you tell I'm a veggie in RL )

probable result of Umami on tiger hunt

Tried to link to pic of duelling banjos and computer exploded with YOU HAVE VIRUSES. YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. Etc. All very traumatic (especially for dh who had to sort it long distance).

Aaaaggghhhhhhhh

I think I need slippery sherbert and a splendid ball.

My top tip when you get those pop ups is to turn the computer off immediately, do not click on it or anything, because that activates the virus download.

When you have rebooted, it will all be gone.

Interesting to see that the Fragrant one has asked for the thread to go...quelle surprise.

Ah, but surely the White Man hunting tigers is the done thing? Obviously we ladies would merely stay in our howdahs, admiring the general display of manliness. Worry not dear Gibbon, I doubt that any of the men with whom we travel have it in them to catch a tiger.

My top tip: get a Mac. Viruses trouble them not.
(DH has brainwashed me).

Phew! I fear I could not cope with the bloodshed of such beautiful creatures.

oohhh I do so fancy a swim.

I have a Mac too! I lurrve my little macbook.

Good news everyone! The Maharajah of Amritsar has invited us to a little soiree this evening to admire his splendid golden temple! Shall we accept?

(Ah yes, beautiful, beautiful Macs. So smoooooooth.)

Mimi indulges in some Macbook porn

Oh. So that's where I have been going wrong. I thought the appropriate response was to run round the house screaming and pulling hair out and then phone dh and tell him it's All His Fault (unspecified) and expect him to sort it out. I find that works for most of life's little difficulties.

at open lid! Hardcore!

Oh my!

Also, many of those pop ups it to scare you into purchasing their ant virus software.

This always makes me smile:-

FROM: [email protected]
TO: Trojan Army Listserv
RE: WARNING!! BEWARE GREEKS BEARING GIFTS!
Hey Hector,
Cassandra forwarded this to me--it looks legit. Please distribute to Priam, Manisha, and your 99 siblings.
Thanks,
Laocoon

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
IF YOU RECEIVE A GIFT IN THE SHAPE OF A LARGE WOODEN HORSE DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT!!!! It is EXTREMELY DESTRUCTIVE and will overwrite your ENTIRE CITY!
The 'gift' is disguised as a large wooden horse about two stories tall. It tends to show up outside the city gates and appears to be abandoned. DO NOT let it through the gates! It contains hardware that is incompatible with Trojan programming, including a crowd of heavily armed Greek warriors that will destroy your army, sack your town, and kill your women and children. If you have already received such a gift, DO NOT OPEN IT! Take it back out of the city unopened and set fire to it by the beach.
FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!
Poseidon

FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
RE: Greeks bearing gifts
Laocoon,
I hate to break to you, but this is one of the oldest hoaxes there is. I've seen variants on this warning come through on other listservs, one involving some kind of fruit that was supposed to kill the people who ate it and one having to do with something called the 'Midas Touch.' Here are a few tipoffs that this is a hoax:

1. This 'Forward this message to everyone you know' crap. If it were really meant as a warning about the Greek army, why tell anyone to post it to the Phonecians, Sumerians, and Cretans?
2. Use of exclamation points. Always a giveaway.
3. It's signed 'from Poseidon.' Granted he's had his problems with Odysseus but he's one of their guys, isn't he? Besides, the lack of a real header with a detailed address makes me suspicious.
4. Technically speaking, there is no way for a horse to overwrite your entire city. A horse is just an animal, after all. Next time you get a message like this, just delete it. I appreciate your concern, but once you've been around the block a couple times you'll realize how annoying this kind of stuff is. Bye now, Hector.

FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
RE: Undeliverable mail
The following message had permanent fatal errors. Please check the email address (or check to see that your intended recipient has not been swallowed up by a large sea serpent).

I have a computer that a Computer Man told me to get. It isn't white or shiny.

I am computer man and I insist you get a Macbook. Come, join the cult. We are smoooooooth and white and shiny, and just a little woo!