To wish that if someone chooses to do CC with their baby, would be nice if they considered the fact that they are mid terrace with thin walls?

[Squiglet]

Firstly I really dont get CC, not something that has ever felt right for us as a family. Also the baby next door has been left from a very young age (a few weeks old) to cry. He's now 5 months and she just leaves him to cry. In the daytime she leaves him crying often as well as night. She'd never ask for help or accept it and likes to be seen as coping and superwoman. He dp is a medical prof and works long hours and she has an older child too.

I can sypmathise that she might be struggling but it is so hard to hear this little babies crying ds1 9 often comments and says how upset he feels hearing it and that his little brother never cried like that.

And I do know for a fact she does cc because she told me so I'm not presuming.

squiglet if you are so concerned that the baby is being left to cry so much, why, instea do fmoaning on here about it, don't you suggest to yuor neighbour that you understand how tiring having a young baby can be and offer to mind the baby, or both your neighbours children for a while so she can have a break? FAR more constructive.

Despite the fact she has said she is using controlled crying, or leaving the baby to cry, that doesn't mean that all of the times you hear the baby crying she has left him, You are not in the house, she could be holding him. Also, you said she leaves him to cry less when her husband is home. Maybe that is because her husband helps with the baby of her older daughter?

Does her daughter have CF as another poster has suggested? If so, I would assume the girl has medical needs that must be attended to, and I would suppose that even if the baby is crying, whichever child's needs were the greatest would need to be attended to first? She is only one person after all and can't do everything at once.

well i guess it most definately isnt ok to have a moan on here. Sheesh. I didnt realise what an insensitive evil cow of a neighbour i must be. Of couse all I do with my time is judge her parenting . Actually just felt it was something that i could have a bit of a moan and obviously know i would be unreasonable to say something, hence the internet forum. Yes she has lots of stuff going on and yes she does have a good support network and no I am not likely to say anything or even imply her kids and her are anything but lovely. Just wanted a moan but mumsnet is so clearly not the place that i'll save it and bend my dp's ear instead (lucky man )

Sheesh, well so long folks till I can be arsed to go on here again and risk upsetting the perfect etiquette of parenthood. (might be tomorrow might be months away but i know i cant guarentee forever - sorry folks ) xx

WWC only has one DC, doesn't she?

When you've only had a PFB it's a bit much to criticise those strugging to cope with two or more children and doing whatever they can to get through the day.

When you've had another kid, WWC, come back and remind us how wonderful your parenting is.

Some of the posts have made me cry.
Mucktub, my heart goes out to you and others. Ds2 was bad, but not as bad as some of your porr others. Ds2 cried inconsolably alot from 1-13 weeks. Up all night, asleep for 15-20 minutes, then hours of screaming.Terrible it was. Sleep deprived, struggling. And then I was reported to ss by my GP when I asked for help.
I have great sympathy for those with crying ones.

Squiglet, why post in AIBU if you don't want debate? If you just wanted to vent than Chat may have been more comfortable for this. CC/CIO is a sensitive subject that always polarises opinion here.

I can't understand why sympathy for the mother of a crying baby precludes also having sympathy for a neighbour who also has to listent the the screaming? At least the mother also gets all the nice bits, the neighbour just has the noise to put up with!
I've had 3 babies, and one was a terrible screamer (still is sometimes), he cried non stop for weeks on end and it was awful. But I don't feel like some who cry "but I have a baby" like its some kind of pass from common decency, so I spoke to my neighbours on both sides and told them there was little i could do about the noise and I was sorry if they were disturbed. They said they weren't at all but they may have been being polite.
Because thats what normal people do, is be polite and respectful to their neighbours.

You don't even know that they were practising cc. My neighbours baby cried constantly, she still cries a lot and she is over 2. I would be very surprised if they do practise cc as the mother told me she is still bfing her and the two don't normally go hand in hand do they?

The neighbour on the other side said to me "Oh your baby cries an awful lot doesn't he?" Ds hardly cried at all but it was obviously enough to annoy her.

Babies cry its what they do. You have to accept it, you can't criticise someones parenting methods because they have a baby who cries.

I'm actually with the OP on this. Yes, I'm sure some babies cry a lot but "most" babies don't cry incessantly. Crying is a sign of distress and I would be worried about a baby that cried all the time.

For me, if the mother in question is pacing the floor nightly holding an inconsolable baby then I have every sympathy. But if she is just turning a deaf ear to some poor baby left to its own devices screaming in a cot, then - surely - that is something to be worried about.

And I thought controlled crying was not appropriate for a 5 month old baby. And another thing, isn't controlled crying where you return to shush/pat the baby at intervals. Just leaving a baby to scream for hours on end is fucking neglect in my book.

I would say something to this woman. Even if you lose her friendship over it. I'm truly with you on this OP, I hate listening to babies cry.

she does know dollshouse, neighbour told her so.
Also don't agree with "babies cry, its what they do" Most babies don't cry for hours on end day and night. Sure, a few do, but they are the exception rather than the rule.

"I would be very surprised if they do practise cc as the mother told me she is still bfing her and the two don't normally go hand in hand do they?"

Again, I don;t think you can make any such assumption. Lots of people mix and match parenting ideas to see what works for them.

I don't like this idea that BF = attachment parenting + cosleeping etc. IME those things do not necessarily go hand in hand at all. We should all stop pigeonholing each other and give some leeway that people on the whole do the best they can And that is normally good enough.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, its too long. My neighbours baby did cry for hours on end, I'm sure she was trying to soothe her as whenever I have seen her out and about with the baby she always comes across as a caring mother.

I wouldn't automatically assume that a crying baby meant a neglected baby. My friend has a really chilled baby and she can't believe the difference between him and his older brother as his older brother cried all day. I was very lucky with ds because he hardly cried at all, other mums have already warned me that I might not be so lucky when the next one arrives.

Quite right sonottelling - I Bf my twins for 13m but used cc from 6mths to get them to self-settle and at 8m to stop night feeds

You are right. A silly assumption for me to have made. I'm just going on experience of friends and family.

yabu, dd now 3 cried from 2pm to 10pm every day from 3 weeks to 3 months old, and after that only a bit less, f**king hell it was horrendous. She stopped when we weaned her at 4.5 months (awaits flaming for early weaning). I carried her, rocked her, sang to her, put her in a sling, you name it I did it. she never stopped crying, nothing worked. One thing she wasn't was neglected though far bloody from it.

I used to have loads of sanctimonious judgey attitudes and opinions about cc and the like. Out the window now I've got 2 dcs, oh how I've eaten my words! Ds is 18 weeks, I've left him to "shout" himself to sleep from a few weeks old, only a few mins and if it escalates to proper crying I soothe him. If he wakes up and starts squwaking i give him a few mins to settle himself before rushing in like i did with dd. I was determined to have a baby who self settled when he was born rather than the 45+ mins of "shush pat" et al it used to take with dd.

And once he's fully weaned if he's up in the night through habit for milk I'll be reducing his feeds and doing cc.

I absolutely 100% adore him but refuse to be enslaved and chained to him or the house so that may involve some sleep training.

If my neighbours put a copy of the "no cry sleep solution" through the door when i was going through crying hell with dd I'd have told them where to stick it!

sorry piglet It was just that bit about reminding her she can talk; it takes some of them time to remember that especially when they are tired,hungry or whatever and she is only little. Allowances could be made couldn't they?

yes ppeatfruit but she is one month shy of 3 and i do get down that she does not talk as much as other children her age, somebody says hello to her and she just hides behind me or says nothing. DD will be starting full time nursery school at 3 so i am hoping that being around other girls and boys will help her, she does talk when she wants but is very stubbon. Not yes PT either so hoping that seeing other little ones on the toilet will help her in nusery she is my only at the moment.

or use it as loo paper imxofmancunia . Colic and teething is a right downer, hours of rocking, patting and cuddling and you are still back to sqaure one. I have no guilt about putting dd down safely crying still after hours of rocking etc and going for a cup of tea or outside for a bit, no guilt at all. You have to do the best you can in that situation and who is anyone to judge.

Unless you have been though it you dont know how it feels to have a baby screaming hours on end day and night, first colic than at 6 months teething right throught to 20 months, add that PND as well, so you end up with screaming baby in your arms and tears down your face . At that moment the first thing is to take care of your baby, worry about your neighbours goes out the window. Yes in hindsight when your dc is through that you think gosh poor neighbours

WWC - have a word with yourself will you?

Have a think about whether having a slightly needy PFB is the same as having a child with CF, a baby who cries a lot and a H who's never there. All this smugness will come back to bite you on the backside one day IMO!

OP, fair enough to have a moan, and I dont' think posters such as WWC have done you any favours, but definitely best to offer to help rather than judge.

FWIW, I often worry that social services are going to turn up at the door, after the neighbours have had to listen to yet another epic tantrum from DD (3.5!).

Oh and WWC has another dc due soon so see how well she copes with a lively toddler and a newborn bet all that smugness will go out the window and she has to deal with the other ishoos that she has posted about on her in her life.

I have two who hardly cried at all.

Then we had DS.

He's 15 months and he still cries a whole, whole lot. Often.

He cries at night, too. Not every night, but most nights, between 1-3AM. Not straight through.

He's very loud, too.

At present, thankfully, we have no neighbour on one side and one who comes and goes downstairs.

The downstairs next-door neighbour also has a cryer. She's a little older than DS, but I can quite often hear her crying.

I'd never assume they're just leaving her. I'd just think she is a cryer.

Some are, just like some people talk more than others.

My neighbours have mentioned being disturbed by my DD every night.
The walls are paper thin.

I feel terrible that they are disturbed by my DD.

However, it is not my DD crying which disturbs my neighbours. It is her incessant headbanging/bouncing/chanting. She does this almost every night to get to sleep, and during the day when she is tired.

My DD has been able to get herself to sleep for a long time now, without me in the room. I say Night Night, and she might bounce, or chant or headbang.

I don't like to disturb my neighbours and it doesn't usually last for more than 15 minutes, but I feel awful about disturbing my neighbours.

What should I do?

minx, I think it's pretty awful that you feel your child is 'enslaving you' by crying for you. children cry for a reason. I also think it's cruel to refuse a child a feed/drink in the middle of the night because you think they are 'in the habit' of waking. Do you never wake up thirsty in the middle of the night?

allother I would explain to your neighbours if you feel you can. They might be disturber by the sounds not knowing what it is and imagining all sorts, whereas if they know it might be fine.

bubbleymoney, at what age though? Is it cruel to refuse a 1 yr old, 2 yr, 5yr? Should I open an all night diner and make them whatever they want? If they are in the habit of waking and have no need for sustenance, whats wrong with saying no?

Didnt last long off here butr throught i'd update. After seeing neighbour today outside she popped in with her dc for a coffee and kids to play. It was lovely..

(Then i had a right go at her about her screaming brood and shoved her out the door....) - Joking!!

I didnt mention anything about hearing anything or even hinted. She did however tell me she was tired only 3 hours sleep (poor thing) as she decided to refuse him bm the whole night and only give him sugared water to try and stop night feeding and get him to feed in the day. Her older child seems alot happier as well, so hopefully the whole dethronement issue is settling down now.

Anyway, perhaps i should have stuffed this thread into chat as a poster suggested.