To wish that if someone chooses to do CC with their baby, would be nice if they considered the fact that they are mid terrace with thin walls?

[Squiglet]

Firstly I really dont get CC, not something that has ever felt right for us as a family. Also the baby next door has been left from a very young age (a few weeks old) to cry. He's now 5 months and she just leaves him to cry. In the daytime she leaves him crying often as well as night. She'd never ask for help or accept it and likes to be seen as coping and superwoman. He dp is a medical prof and works long hours and she has an older child too.

I can sypmathise that she might be struggling but it is so hard to hear this little babies crying ds1 9 often comments and says how upset he feels hearing it and that his little brother never cried like that.

And I do know for a fact she does cc because she told me so I'm not presuming.

Well then I apologise, unreservedly if I have mixed you up with another poster.

You are still seriously in danger of getting nose bleeds up there on your high horse.

Haven't read all the replies but my first thought is one of sympathy for the neighbour with the crying baby!

My DD1 was premature, had reflux and was very collicky, I'm pretty sure my neighbours must have thought I was just leaving her to cry, when the truth was I was glued to her at every second of the day and she STILL cried!(as did I most days!).

Babies cry- fact

Some babies cry a lot - fact

The poor woman sounds like she has enough on her plate without worrying about upsetting the neighbours!

WWC, if you're going to quote someone else could you please use quotation marks?

It's the courteous thing to do.

I was one of those babies who cried a lot.

My mother had other children to look after as well.

Sometimes, when it got too much, she would put me in my cot and go outside (we lived in a bungalow) in the back garden and have a beer and a cigarette.

I'm still here.

I haven't read all the replies, too many, but YABVU.

I live in a terraced house and I cringe at the thought of neighbours thinking just like you do. I'm quite lucky in that my DS (although he is older now) doesn't cry too much but we have done CC, although after about 15 minutes he would stop anyway. I also am aware that I have, very occasionally shouted, and our walls are very thin. Its attitudes like yours that make me so paranoid. What would you say if you went around? "Excuse me, I can hear your baby, can you please shut it up cause its disturbing me?" Don't be so ridiculous.

Lowlevel Aren't you getting confused with a certain 'monster'? I remember that thread well!

Buy some ear plugs

OP - I also had a crying, screaming, nothing would work baby. We live in a detatched house but you know what - if one of my neifghbours had come over and said 'Are you ok - is the baby ok - it's just that I hear them crying alot' - I would have thrown myself at your feet, burst into tears and poured my heart out to you. I was desperate - tried EVERYTHING, but because people are so judgemental about crying babaies, I didn't admit to anyone just how desperate I was. in the day time, I used to switch the hoover on to drown out the crying if it got really bad. i couldn't understand what i was doing wrong - none of my others had been anything like it and I was supposedly a confident, capable mum - too scared/embarassed to ask for help.

Can you approach it directly ?

"By expatinscotland Thu 28-Jan-10 09:26:55
Sometimes, when it got too much, she would put me in my cot and go outside (we lived in a bungalow) in the back garden and have a beer and a cigarette.

I'm still here".

Yes, but look at the effect it has had on you

You're not exactly setting the world on fire here, WWC.

But hey, you learned to use quotation mark.

There's hope for the universe after all.

WWC your posts are inflammatory, insensitive, and so far from helpful on any level. Congrats.

Yes Coldhands, it's so easy to get trolls posters mixed up isn't it?

Oh dear this really took off last night sorry if its really upset some of you who have crying babies. Of course my babies cried too but i was lucky enough to be able to console them quickly and what we did here worked for us.

I wouldnt ever say to the neighbour, was having a moan. Plain and simple and surely it's allowed?

Saw her and baby this morning, cant believe he;s already 6 months. Of course I didnt mention him crying and he was asleep in pushchair. Bless her though she did look tired. Was very cheery though.

I appreciate that many posters only look at the first few posts and dont bother to read all them so wont realise the rest of my posts werent quite so moany . Ah well, different folks different strokes.

Note to self, win bloody lottery and get detached house away from anywhere.

Also to the ear plugs suggestion, great idea but i want to be able to hear my own brood. Thanks tho x

Right off for a lovely nap x

But have to quickly PMSL at the fact that someone had to mention the word 'troll' because they have different and strong wiews to theirs. That is just rude.

I can't believe how judgemental some of you are being

You should all think yourselves lucky for having babies that didn't/don't cry non-stop!

A friend of mine had a ds who barely slept and cried all the time - even when feeding. She was in and out of Dr's surgeries, peadiatrician appointments, none of whom could find anything wrong.

For her sanity, she had to leave him crying sometimes, as anything she did made no difference whatsoever.
She was lucky that her neighbours (along the same terrace) would occasionally take him for walks so she could catch up with sleep. If she hadn't had that support, she would have gone out of her mind.
He grew out of it when he was 9 months old.

Rather than moaning about hearing her baby, it may be more helpful to be asking her if you can do anything to help, and offer her friendship and some support.

OP you'd hate living next to us.

My ds2 is 16 months old. For the first year of his life he screamed for hours and I mean hours, at least 12-14 hours a day no matter what I did. Cuddles, sling, milk, rocking, patting, shushing, pushing in the buggy, taking him for a drive, you name it we tried it. He can still scream for up to 6 hours a day, completely inconsolably. Nothing I do stops him. I have put him in his cot where he is safe many a time and just left him to it so that a) I can calm down before I ended up strangling him and b) I can give my other children attention. It is that bad.

We're in a mid terrace and honestly, if any of my neighbours had complained to me about it in the early days I would have ripped their lungs out and battered them about the head with them.

It's utterly soul-destroying to have a baby like that. I'm on anti-depressants because of it. So although it's upsetting for you, think about what it might be like for that poor mum.

Squiglet, It sounds like a difficult situation all around.

Could you offer this lady the occasional break ? Especially if her husband works long hours having a couple of hours to herself even weekly might make a big difference to her mental health.

Do you think she might benefit from the loan of a sling ? Would she use one if it was offered ?

What about her local health visitor and sure start centre, these are the people who should be supporting the overstretched mother of two under school ages. Could you mention it to her over a cup of tea one day ? Maybe offer to contact these people for her (if she is depressed and unlikely to do it herself) to enable her to get the support she deserves to have, she sounds so overworked.

Don't the local children centres have creches, where you can get free sessions for babies and toddlers (not sure how).

I think it is nice to see a poster concerned about a neighbour, too many people are happy to look away.

Shame it has turned into a CC, CIO, Crying in general debate, when the bottom line there is a real mother out there needing proper support.

smokinaces if you come back i wanted to say that I totally understand and think that 2 hours solid with a 10 min break was pretty good going. Our DD1 screamed inconsolably as well and I remember that overwhelming urge to throw them out the window... DH and I took it in turns to be downstairs with her at night so the other could get some sleep. It is so hard.

WWCs comments are bizarre, of course after a couple of hours of jiggling feeding cuddling etc etc a 10 min break is fine. Especially when doing al that makes not a jot of difference anyway, and they are just the same when you put them down.

So to get this straight from your posts, Squiglet:

This woman has a 4 year old with cystic fibrosis, which is a very serious illness and can require a lot of parental input to keep children at optimum health levels.
She has a young baby who is not settling to sleep and whatever she is doing/not doing isn't working.
The 4 year old has dethronement issues so is behaving worse than normally. (It is any case sometimes more difficult to enforce boundaries with children who are not well/have a potentially life limiting condition.)
She has probable post natal depression and perhaps obsessive compulsive disorder, both of which can be extremely serious illnesses.
* She has a husband who is not around to help very much because he works long hours. There is no one else to offer support. She finds it hard to ask for/accept help.

She needs masses sympathy and support, surely, rather than the disapproval of her neighbours and internet strangers for failing to stop her baby crying! Though I too am someone who gets antsy when young babies cry and would not personally follow a controlled crying programme at 5 months, within that kind of mix of problems I think leaving a baby to cry could well be the right response sometimes- I'm thinking of when the 2 children's needs clash or when she desperately needs a break. There is only one of her and she has to respond first to whoever needs her most in the moment, I guess. As she has a young child with CF and also needs to look after her own mental health, I don't think it is a foregone conclusion that the baby is always the most vulnerable person in the house, even at 5 months old, sadly.

Would it be possible for you to forget your philosophical objections to her baby raising ideas and invite her for coffee, tell her how gorgeous her kids are, remind her that things get easier, show an interest, boost her confidence a bit? If not, perhaps you do at least need to recognise that she has a huge amount on her plate...

I am guessing that WashwithCare's babies are like mine. i.e. As long as they are in her arms and have unlimited access to the breast, they are quiet and content.

I understand that not all babies are like that,but it doesn't appear that WWC has encountered babies who cry whatever is done for them....yet

sometimes you have to leave a baby to cry, else you go loopy. I well remember leaving DC wailing in his crib and departing to the bottom end of the garden for a calming white wine and fag, its SO EASY to judge if you have only experienced angel babies. Mummies nedd a break to FFS and some babies are (love em) little devils.

Once me and DP tried controlled crying, massive disaster. ended up in the garden again (smoking again ) got very disapproving looks from neighbours..didn't try that again

I feel for you, as its bloody awful noise, and I also feel for your neighbour...this will hoperfully pass in time.... but I 100% understand your need for a rant

Pigletmania ;Although a 2yr old may be able to talk if they are upset they cry. They're still very young for god's sake! don't you ever feel like crying? show some compassion please.

gosh ppeatfruit thanks for making me feel like a crap mum. She is not upset just sometimes communicates by crying like a baby would, so i am trying to get her to talk to me instead and she going through the terrible twos so most requests end up with her crying and throwing herself on the floor have to tread on eggshells at the moment.

WWC have you ever heard of PND, or have walked in the shoes of someone who has. Somtimes it is better just to walk away for a little bit and to just take a breather and then when you have calmed down to go back. You must have perfect babies and be the perfect mum, there is no such thing you have to do the best you can and if that means leaving them for 10 than so be it. Does not mean that you dont care or dont love your child no way, make us feel like crap why dont you

I have done that on quite a few occasions, and at the moment thanks goodness apart from the 2 year old tantrums have a happy and healthy toddler who loves her mummy and daddy to bits