To wish that if someone chooses to do CC with their baby, would be nice if they considered the fact that they are mid terrace with thin walls?

[Squiglet]

Firstly I really dont get CC, not something that has ever felt right for us as a family. Also the baby next door has been left from a very young age (a few weeks old) to cry. He's now 5 months and she just leaves him to cry. In the daytime she leaves him crying often as well as night. She'd never ask for help or accept it and likes to be seen as coping and superwoman. He dp is a medical prof and works long hours and she has an older child too.

I can sypmathise that she might be struggling but it is so hard to hear this little babies crying ds1 9 often comments and says how upset he feels hearing it and that his little brother never cried like that.

And I do know for a fact she does cc because she told me so I'm not presuming.

It is NOT a newborn any longer! its 5 months so it clearly NOT working.

Also she has told me she is doing CC. I do chat to her and sometimes pop in the queston of how xx is doing. I am sensitive that babies cry, my ds2 is little more than a baby himself. Its not that he crys its that she deliberatly leaves him to cry himself to sleep (exhaustion) from a few weeks old. In the summer when he was very new she'd leave him crying in the house and go out to the garden. I do reckon there is a good chance of PND but she is very unlikely to talk about it and it is a sad situation.

Yes it is harsh that I think she should consider those around her when deciding to CC and I guess I knew that it would get a fairly strong reaction from both sides of the fence so to speak.

I guess I cant and wouldnt actually say to her, but just need to release the frustration and that I feel hearing his crying and knowing that she is leaving him on his own.

YABVU and judgey.

You have no idea what is going on with that baby. Our DS1 was another one who would cry and cry whether he was picked up or not. We used to spend hours pacing up and down his room with him, not knowing what the hell else to do - we fed, changed, calpol etc and he still cried. It is an awful feeling not being able to help your baby, and to have to feel guilty for what your neighbours are thinking about you too is just severely depressing.

Am I being thick, where does OP say she was told CC is being used.
Some babies cry,might be nice to have a chat and sympathise, but I wouldn;t complain/mention it is upsetting you, that's just harsh.

I've said before that I left DS2 to cry on his own when he was little but what I meant was that I HAD to leave him crying as I was on my own every evening with him and DS1 who needed me to bath him and get him to bed!
DS2 also had colic and even when I didnt leave him to cry, he would cry in my ear as I cuddled him at least 3 hours hours every night.

If the CC thing was said in a passing comment then stop attributing every cry the baby makes to it being left alone to cry! Bet 90% of the time it is being cuddled at the same time, but has wind/is waiting for bottle to be heated/is overtired etc etc etc
babies cry!

bubble, but The OP doesn't KNOW. as others have sid cc is not crying during day as OP describes.

and even if it was. someone objects to a child crying. what ?
so are we suggesting abuse or neglect here ?
if not, then we are assuming that the woman is either choosing to parent this way, has a child thet cries alot ?

what are we actually saying here ?
what is the real problem ?

Squiglet you dont know what goes on inside the house, like other people have said and form my experienced even when babies are picked up and held and cuddled they do not automatically stop it takes ages and ages. The poor lady might have PND and you interferring making it ten times worse and making her feel as if she is being judged as a mum which it feels like from your op.

If baby is exhausted some need a good wail before they go to sleep and get worse if you start tampering with them.

All babies are different and unless you have evidence to the contrary I think you need to assume that she has tried different things and is doing what she thinks best.

Hulababy, she said that he's ok to me and that she just leaves him to cry and eventually he falls to sleep exhausted most likely. It isnt easy for her though, her dp hours increased just after their ds2 was born and she has a ds1 of 4/5 with CF so is trying to care for both of them. But she leaves the baby ALOT. I have written a thread a while back about this lady. I really dont think she is coping and her older child is having big issues about having a little brother too. When her DP is home she doesnt leave the baby as much at all and I really dont think he knows how hard i think she's been finding it. She has told me she is OCD over housework and it is to the extent she dusts the fences in her garden and the house is completely immaculate at all times that you wouldnt believe they had any children.

That isnt me being judgey there btw, am trying to say I know she has issues, but this leaving to cry cant be helping anyone.

Controlled crying, even if you believe in it, is not suitable for children under 6 months. Nobody even read the OP before jumping on her, ranting anout being presumptuous and not knowing and about their children cried a lot. OP said neighbout told her about the cc, so no guesswork. Baby has apperently been left to cry since tiny. if thats true its no fair on anyone, including the neighbours.

That said, theres nothing the OP can do about it. That doesn't in itself mean that the neighbours have zero responsibility here. If a baby cries and there is nothing you can do about it thats one thing, but not even trying to do anything about it is another matter.

And before anyone leaps on me, I've had 3 babies, none of them that quiet or easy to console, and live in a terraced house. And I don't believe I have a right to piss off my neighbours with my parenting methods, unless its unavoidable.

How long are we talking here?

Well, of she is leaving him to cry til he falls asleep she is NOT doing CC. That's for sure.

She does sound like she is struggling.

Judgy

Regardless of whether the neighbour is using CC or not, and REGARDLESS of when it is/is not suitable, it is the neighbour's baby, not the OP's and so 'if someone chooses to do CC with their baby' they most certainly do not have to consider anyone else.

So, YABU. Her baby, her choice of how to parent it.

She may think she's doing CC, but really she's not if she "leaves him to cry and eventually he falls asleep".

Please stop confusing a method of Controlled Crying with just leaving a baby to cry it out.

And fwiw, i wouldnt and havent complained to her. But surely it's allowed to have a moan on here about it? or not

YANBU

Poor you. It's not CC though - that is regime focuses and involves going back in. I think this is called Crying it Out - CIO

It's a truly nasty idea.

My BF could have written your OP about her neighbours. They also do CIO. It is so bad that the other neighbours (also a terrace) had to move their DD's bedroom, as the baby would repeatedly wake their DD in the middle of the night.

We had coffee there one day with her, and she described in detail how 8 mth old baby had to learn not to get up before 7am.. so if he wakes and cries at 5am, they leave him to cry for up to 2 hours if he doesn't go back to sleep. She said she felt a bit guilty after 2 hour cyring stint in the night to find next morning he had vomitted on himself However, she still thought he had to learn.

Bad, bad Mummy

I am always reading on these threads that we all parent in our own way and our right to parent as we choose should be respected. This applies in all areas so surely if this is how she chooses to parent no matter what you may think about it you have to respect her right to follow that path.

Agree with Jock

Controlled crying is NOT Leaving To Cry

Poor little thing

Tbh I havent timed how long, but it can be for around 2 hours (judged by ds2 nap time).

I guess i did post this in the AIBU thread I know i probably am but still feel for baby and it is sad to hear him.

I really know very little about CC as followed a different path. It was neighbour who used the term.

"leaving to cry" isn't CC.........

mind you I'm glad we never lived next to you - we did do CC (NOT "leaving to cry") at 6 months old............but he screamed for the first 4 months, constantly, if he wasn't on the breast he was screaming, it was absolute hell, nothing calmed him down, I would sit for hours in my arms with him screaming.

Pooexplosions - when we did CC with DS1 his crying was actually more bearable than when he screamed for those first 4 months.

I think you're perfectly entitled to moan here tbh. CC is obviously a sensitive issue with some people though - justifying it to themselves perhaps?

fwiw there are plenty of ways to get a child to sleep without leaving them to cry for any length of time - regardless of their age. I was a very colicky child and my parents had to take turns sitting up with me during the night because I would only sleep if I was being held upright. Turns out I had allergies which were gving me painful cramps but how awful for me if my parents had thought I was just being manipulative and demanding and decided to leave me to cry.

I can't wait til this trend passes...

Washwithcare - ds2's not sleeping in his own room, partly as his room is right next to the baby's and before that their ds1 who also screamed alot. Also he's got a cushy number where his bed is next to ours.. but he snuggles in with me lovely.

My neighbours the other side (so I am between the 2 of them) has also mentioned the crying as well but i promise (brownies honour) not to have gossiped with her. Wouldnt anyway as they have huge issues, domestic violence He's gone for now thankfully but looks like she's having him back. Anyway, tangent and all that.

I can understand it being hard to listen to, but you can't really know what is going on inside your neighbours house - or head!

Last night DS screamed, literally screamed for an hour and a half - nothing would comfort him. He was being held, or at the very least soothed for the entire time.

Fortunately for us, we live in a detached house so didn't have the anxiety of nosy neighbours on top of the worry we already had for DS .
Anyone walking past would have thought we were murdering him the noise he was making.