re sex education for young children. Or rather, for MY young child

[everyonesanamechanger]

Name changed. Am going to check if it's worked before posting more!

yup. the situation I am going to post about is so specific that if anyone who knows me (I mean from the school) saw this, they'd know it was me and read all my other posts and I don't want them to!

OK. so. my child has autism. I have, based on his level of understanding and his tendency to behave inappropriately with information of this nature (ask inappropriate questions of people etc), been reluctant to allow him to participate in the sex education class that his peers take part in.

So, this is something that I am under pressure from the school to remedy. They feel my child will be at a disadvantage now he is to go to senior school, if he remains so naive.

I see their point.

However, I watched the video - aimed at 7 - 9 year olds - that they want me to allow him to watch, and which his classmates saw in yr 4 or 5 (now y6)

And as far as I am concerned, parts of it were porn! And in no way suitable for my son!

I discuss with him biology, and relationships. What I DON'T think he needs to know is that the clitoris gets hard sometimes when you touch it and it feels nice (same with penis) I DON'T think he needs a cartoon of a woman straddling a man and bouncing up and down and as far as I am concerned, the information could and should be presented in a less graphic way.

And I know the rest of the class has seen it - I am surprised that it was thought suitable for 7-9yr olds, tbh, but that's not my problem. However, I don't care if the rest of them have been plonked in front of Debbie Does Dallas. I don't want him to watch it.

but it seems like legally, I might not have much choice? Is that true?

So. am I over protective? If I decided to sit him down in front of a cartoon of a man banging a woman, social services would be round before I'd pressed play!

What can I do?

oh,. and no, I'm not a lazy journo!

lavenderrrrr, red rug, the judge! cod, moldies, psycho's husband trying to poison her etc etc etc

I had sex education in a Catholic Primary School, maybe because it was a while ago and Catholic, it was not like this at all!!

I am no prude and I am not over protective with letting my children know the truth of things but I would be really disappointed if my children saw what you are describing and they are not autistic.

Perhaps if you research more respectable forms of sexual education videos and took one to school that you approved of, would they accept this??

Hmm, well I know the video you are talking about. Our school show it to Year 5 and 6 children and parents are invited to view it first. They are entitled to withdraw their child if they don't wish them to take part in the lesson. As far as I know very few if any parents do this, and I certianly wouldn't. The video is not in any way equivalent to Debbie Does Dallas. I can't believe that you are equating it to porn tbh. It is a clear, simple and factual explanation of sex at an age-appropriate level. I think you are being hysterical. However, FWIW you are legally within your rights not to have your son watch it, if that's what you decide.

Eggontoast - the video that the OP is talking about is widely used in schools all over the country,

I still remember the sex ed video we watched in the staff room when I was 10. It was nowhere near as graphic as what you are describing. "Straddling"? "Bouncing up and down"?? Blimey, I wouldn't want to watch that now!

If you are comfortable that what you have explained to him is sufficient, taking his autism into account, then no, I don't think YABU.

he is your child my love, you can stop him from watching it if you so want to.

tell the school to stuff it

TFlady

Well, I am not sure I would expect more than diagrams of what happens rather than an actual eduction of how to do it!! No wonder so many people are up in arms about the early age. I thought they were all mad (given what my sex ed was like) but now, I can really see the point of wanting to keep them innocent if the vids have developed into something that actually 'shows' the act!!

YANBU

Tell them there is no way, maybe speak to his EP (if he has one) and get them to back you on this. Or at a push, keep him off on the day.

I thought parents still retained the right to withdraw their children from sex education classes? You are in the UK, right?

If you don't think it is suitable for your child to see, that should be it, in my view.

I think the OP has not seen much porn.

If you think it's inappropriate for your child, or not suitable for his level of understanding/comprehension, then he doesn't have to watch it. If he doesn't watch it then perhaps you should talk him through the facts of life and cover all the facts that the video explains but in a manner you deem appropriate.

why research a vid you find acceptable and take it to school?

if you found a vid you thouht acceptable - show it at home and tell the school to stuff it

WE ARE THE PARENTS HERE

this is out job.

if your child has autism and is naive - then you know him best to couch this topic and tell him things that you think he should know.

my son's ASD unit only includes DS 14 in the sex ed lessons that they feel are necessary for his well being. So he did the check your balls one but didn't do the woman giving birth one.He knows the mechanics of sex, he knows about masturbation and more importantly when and where is appropriate and also how to communicate should he believe he has been approached inappropriately but he hasn't been involved in more in depth discussions which are most likely way above his comprehension and about as far removed from his likely future as you'd get.
I think you need to discuss with school what you feel ds needs to know for his own well being at this time, that's not to say that at a later date you won't be happy to increase the information ds has.

That's my opinion of it, TFL. I call the cartoon intercourse porn because that's how I see it! certain sections of it were far too graphic. I can just see my son going up to someone and asking them if they have a hard clitoris!

I am happy for him to have information on biology, but not presented like that. What young child needs to know things in that way?

Anyway, I do appreciate that I could be seen as hysterical, it's important to know how people are likely to see me if I raise this and how I should put it to get my feelings across without coming over like a loon.

And I would not repeat my facetious reference to debbie does dallas when I talk to the school!

I'm all for introducing info about sex bit by bit while your children are young. Haven't seen the vid but if what you say is true it sounds an inappropriate level of information for that age - I wonder if any teachers on MN have seen it and what they think? Regardless of the 'bouncing' bit, I agree that the info about the clit and penis hardening, etc, should be left till they're a little bit older.

custardo - I only suggested that as it seemed that the school were pushing it. Thought it would get them off the OP's back.

You dont have to allow your son to attend the classes..

When my autistic DS1 was 9 (year 4)I was pregnant with DS3. As one of his obsessions is animals/wildlife he was very curious about how the baby got there. I told him the facts in a fair amount of detail as he asked for details and he promptly went to school and told all his class mates. I believe some of the parents were a bit surprised but the teachers were very relaxed as DS did not have a smutty bone in his body and relayed the facts in a totally non salacious "isn't this so interesting" kind of way. They thought it was excellent preparation for the sex education in years 5 and 6.

Personally I think any information my son could be given to help him understand what his peers are going on about and to distinguish the facts from adolescent smuttiness was essential to avoid him asking inappropriate questions. He is now 18, and would love to have a girlfriend, but no luck so far!

The main problem - in the eyes of the school - is they tell me that he is likely to be bullied in secondary if he doesn't watch these videos / have this information. he is already very different, I don't want to make things worse. But I said to them wouldn't that be dealt with under your anti-bullying policy? I don't want to give him no information, but I don't see how it benefits him to see that video.

However, I am really going to have trouble with the school if I don't make out a very good case. Simply saying no, I don't want him to, isn't going to be enough. They really think he has to watch it or he will be disadvantaged.

So what they are saying is, the kids at secondary school are going to want to talk to him graphically about sex and if he doesn't know how to draw it / thrust about / where the clit is, he's going to be bullied and it'll be my fault.

I think I may actually be a bit hysterical. I just care so much about him and I want to protect him from information he doesn't need to have without being made to feel I am throwing him into the lions den.

you're his mum you can tell them you don't want him to see it (and explain why).

but there's every chance some other child will come up to him in the playground talking about hard clitorises (clitori???). My eldest came home from school yesterday wanting to know if the uretha could open up like the vagina. eye boggling. he's 8.
I don't mind, mind you, just pointing out sex info comes at then from all directions
but yes, you know him best and what to try and shield him from if you can

ok. when I say bouncing, straddling - the cartoon sex started with a man and a woman chasing each other, naked, round a bedroom. he was tickling her with a feather. So far, so fun. Then he was lying on his back and she was on top of him, moving up and down. Then he was on top of her, and his buttocks were moving in and out between her legs.

I think that is porn! ok, it's not group sex, anal or as if you see much, but it's too much, imo, for the age!

Its not the information..its how its expressed ie toon porn..if your not happy then dont let him watch it..

yes mumcentre -that's exactly it, that's what i can say to them.