re sex education for young children. Or rather, for MY young child

[everyonesanamechanger]

Name changed. Am going to check if it's worked before posting more!

It's a line drawing ffs, not a live action moview.

I don't know; one of the things that put me off the whole thing and made it awkward for me was that the sex ed video I saw as a child described sex via a complicated metaphor - a womb shaped swimming pool with people dressed as sperm swimming around in it. I learned the little I knew about sex before experiencing it from romance novels, and was under the firm impression that it was something you did NOT talk about - despite my mum being anthing but a prude. I nearly made a huge mistake trying to lose my virginity at 18 to see what I was missing out on, and all because I'd never actually seen sex, and the taboo surrounding porn made the idea of watching it too horrifying to contemplate. If that was my awkward fumblings as a normal person, I can only imagine how confusing it must be for an autistic child.

Obviously, I can't (and won't) say the OP is being unreasonable - there's autistic and there's autistic and I don't know her child. She does. I certainly think he needs to know what's what, but if he's going to misconstrue what to other people is a video showing what grown ups do as a video showing 'what people do', he might run into problems at school by not understanding the context.

I think, in those circumstances, it's perfectly reasonable for the OP to find an alternative method of explaining things to her son. He needs to know what's what, so that when he starts getting sexual urges he isn't ashamed of them (as I was - masturbation was another aspect decidedly not covered in my CofE sex ed...)and knows how to deal with them himself.

I take it OP wouldn't be in a rush to read Mummy Laid An Egg! then....

that's graphic!

I think the OP is NBU ... if she doesn't like the video then fine, she can find her own way of explaining sex to her child.

BUT I do think it's very helpful for a child, at about this age, to see some videos showing how sex actually happens in real life. And this one sounds pretty innocuous.

I got to a fairly late age before I realised that people actually moved during sex... whilst I'd read all the books, they only showed people staying still!

Basically I think the more you know the less room for embarrassment/misunderstanding/
teasing/whatever later.

I remember the swimming pool and the excited men swimming

What's this new video called? Can I view it online or do I have to give my credit card?

Nobody should be classifying this video as inappropriate without seeing it. The "I don't need to see it to know it's essentially equivalent to porn" line is frankly absurd, and Mary Whitehouse-esque. Not just about this, but about anything.

Having said that, OP, I do not think you are being unreasonable in your wariness regarding whether it is suitable for your individual DS. I hope you find a solution that's right for him. I'm sure that once you have had time to think it all through, you'll have a good idea of what you need to do to make sure he is well equipped for dealing with social interactions where sex is a topic (as it inevitably will be
).

I know this isn't exactly your question, but it might be worth you getting hold of the growing and learning resources by Jane Keeling. She is a school health advisor by profession and a mum of a child with severe ASD. She has written these resources as a result of this combination and I have found them to be really useful for the pupils with whom I work (who have severe learning difficulties). They are written for parents to use with their own children. I have to say, they are still quite graphic (naked bodies but no bouncing up and down etc..)and in my opinion this is probably important if your child doesn't understand at the level of his peers who can take hints etc.. If he is too bright for these resources (which are symbol-supported), the FPA do some good books too with cartoon stories in (although I find them a bit more graphic and a bit less accessible to my pupils.
I believe that the pupils with whom I work often need Sex and Relationships Education earlier than their peers, rather than later, as it takes longer to get these crucial concepts across and into their long term memory. My worst fear is that one of my pupils will get on a bus, do something inappropriate through lack of understanding and spend a night in the cells (and I will have failed them utterly). I do totally understand that for parents with a pupil who has SEN this whole area is a minefield that is very difficult to deal with, especially if your child is vulnerable. Good luck.

Is it this video?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOrfEDuyehY

Aw that's nice

I don't like how they don't have noses though

Also the feather part confused me - do couples normally chase each other first?

I am torn on this. I am very in favour of having sex ed in schools. Butbutbutbut...I can see that you still intend to teach your DS, you just feel that this particular resource is unsuitable for him. I can't comment on that, not knowing your son obviously, but I think for most kids in Year 4/5 (that's 9 or 10 I think?) this would be ok for them to see. I have to confess that like a PP it was quite a while before I realised there was movement during sex and I do think this resource would have been helpful to me at that age or a little older.

YANBU I think, as long as your son still receives appropriate sex ed from you.

I am probably just over-sensitive to kids seeing sex on telly too early because I saw porn way too early.

That video was cringeworthy in the extreme, IMO. And children of 9 years old have to sit through i because...?

... because their friends will be showing them porn on their mobile phones anyway?

The very one, Allidon!

TheFirstLady

I have now watched the sex ed vid - I think it is more tasteful than people described, although, I am still torn on whether I think it is a bit too much for year 5 pupils.

Just before high school at the end of year six, maybe I would feel more comfortable.

MP - yes chasing each other around the bedroom is a necessary part of sex, have you been doing it wrong all these years?

eggontoast - in our school they watch the video (that is just a short part of it and clearly the most controversial bit) in Y5 and again in Y6. Thing is, a lot of the info in the session is definitely needed by Y5's - several of the girls will have started their periods by Y6 for instance.

We show it in the summer term in year 4. Many girls start their periods in year 5 so it is needed. I have NEVER had any issues after showing it, but we start SRE from Year R so perhaps we are a more 'open' school

Like I said, it is very easy for me to be over sensitive. Now I have seen it, I suppose I would not really be that worried about my children viewing.

Some people show pornography to children to to lower a child's inhibitions and to communicate to a child that sexual activity is normal and okay. This is called grooming, and the perpetrators are usually sent to prison.

Yet other people do pretty much the same thing at the state's behest, and this is called Sex Education. Far from being sent to prison, they are paid to do so

Strange world. Still, at least the all-time low levels of teenage pregnancies and STIs show that it must be working.

Scarletlilybug you are not seriously suggesting that the video in question is in some way equivalent to pornography?
Words fail me.

TheFirstLady

I think you should understand that to some more sensitive people, it does look similar to porn.

Scarletlilybug: So what do you think children should be told? That sex is the great disgusting unmentionable they should never even think about?
Sexual activity is normal and OK between consenting adults.

eggontoast - being sensitive is one thing, comparing a sex education video with porn being shown as a paeodophile grooming tactic is quite another.

Here we go with the extremes..ffs

I agree Scarletlilybug, don't tell them about sex and they won't do it til they're married. Uh huh. Yup.

Obviously no sex education would drastically lower the level of teen pregnancies.......not