re sex education for young children. Or rather, for MY young child

[everyonesanamechanger]

Name changed. Am going to check if it's worked before posting more!

He won't be bullied at sec school for not having seen a specific video.

He might be bullied for not understanding about sex at ALL.

TBH you know him best. I would furnish him with the facts at a level you know he can cope with and understand. There must be books and or videos out there that are more suitable for him, or perhaps even tailored for ASD kids.

If you're saying you don't think he should have ANY sex ed whatsoever, I'd say you're being unrealistic and unreasonable.

However, if you're saying you're willing to educate him to a level compatible with his cognitive and social understanding then I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

namechanger

You need to decide if its better to expose him now or let him be exposed at high scool. i would arm him with info, in a way that you find acceptable so he is not totally in dark, knows where things are and what there for, but without the 'porn'.

Yes, he might be bullied for it.

But he might also be bullied because his hair isn't the right colour / his shoes aren't "cool" / he has a silly pencil case / he doesn't have this phone or that bag...

you all make very good points (for and against.) I thank you. Sometimes you need someone 'outside' to help you to think in a balanced way, you know?

YANBU - I know several parents who have withdrew their children from a lesson with this particular film shown. Their dcs took part in all the other lessons so had all teh right info but they felt that the film went too far for that age (their reasons were mostly to do with religion). Their children are all happy normal secondary school kids who don't get bullied - they have the right information at the right time.
You are the parent - you know you're child best - if you don't think he can handle the video then don't let him watch it. simples.

I do agree with custy that it's up to us as parents to educate our children about stuff like sex. When they're this young I just don't think a school setting is appropriate - it's very impersonal compared with being in your home with your parent(s).

namechanger, thank you for highlighting this; I'll be prepared when it's my kids' turn. Though by then they'll know most of it anyway, without the graphic bits!

what is also important is not just the facts and functions of sexual parts/feelings but the emotional element of sexuality and love..

I think YABU a bit. Shielding your child from the information that sex is enjoyable and fun will make him more likely to behave a little inappropriately than less - if you pass on the attitude that it's horrid and shameful and unnecessary for him to know about it, you risk making him miserable.

'm very open with my DDs but careful not to overwhelm them with information thats not appropriate..at the end of the day its my responsibilty not the schools imo.

why is not allowing your child something you find inappropriate saying that sex is no enjoyable or fun?..its fantastic actually (if done correctly )..but its also important to be put into context ...its not exactly a sport is it?....where was horrid or shameful mentioned?..

I don't want to do that.

arrgggghhh. Why can't they just stay babies

Does he need to know about sexuality? Or am I just trying to keep him a baby? Am I trying to shield him from things he doesn't need to know and might use in a way that would set him further apart from his peers or am I trying to stop him growing up? Is it wrong to show a child of his age such things and call them 'sex parts' - why not call them genitals? Is he ever even going to be able to be in a relationship anyway?

I am so confused.

I'm not expecting answers to the above btw. I just have so many conflicting thoughts. And now I read all of the very good points and posts on this thread I, oh I dunno. I was just shocked when I saw the video. Much of the information was good, but the presentation was, imo, totally inappropriate. But then maybe it's me that's wrong in feeling that way.

My husband is no help at all, he doesn't think our son needs to know anything at all. I know he does, but not like this.

and have I said aarrrgggggghhhh?

In yr 7 my son has just been watching a number of videos on puberty, sex childbirth etc and has a test next week. They have focussed on the biological side (fallopian tubes, sperm meets egg - how twins come about etc etc) but also a lot about the emotional side - puberty etc. Obviously we have been having a chat and a giggle about it and my son found some of the cartoon images v funny (as boys do!) I think he would have been embarrassed and handled the whole situation v differently if it wasn't a subject that he knew about and felt comfortable talking about. If my son knew I hadn't wanted him to see a certain film - I think he would have thought it was embarrassing - and therefore would have been too embarrassed to talk to me. As it is we have some v interesting meal time chats as a family!!
I don't really see a cartoon character "straddling" and "jiggling" as porn really - it is quite factual is it not? It sounds as though it is trying to portray it as fun and loving rather than mechanical which is surely not a bad thing?
It is a topic that will have to be broached at some point with your son. The change from the safety of a primary school is a big shock (to both parents and children!) and I think I would do my best to give him as much sex education as possible now. If doing it yourself suits you better than the school film that is fine - but sending him off to secondary school without a good idea of the basics seems a little unfair.

SGB, as mcp says, you're reading a lot into the OP's posts that simply isn't there. You're also ignoring the bits where she mentioned the influence of his autism.

I may be wrong but have the OP's last post is only musings...didn't she say somewhere earlier that she'd rather do the sex ed in a way she thinks is appropriate? I certainly would, and plan to start before DS is 5. I'd also be unhappy about DS being shown that vid at age 7 and would rather have him withdrawn and tell him about the fun and emotional sex stuff in our own way.

In any case, don't kids get embarassed when teachers talk about stuff like this? Surely they'd feel embarassed, but less so, if it were done at home.

He will probably learn more from other children than he will a sex ed video to be honest.

Your kid, your call.

Am I the only one on this thread apart from the OP who has actually seen the video in question. Because, believe me, it is very much not porn. There is a jokey cartoon of a woman bouncing up and down on a man. No cartoon genitalia are visible. It really isn't salacious in any way.

Thefirstlady

Maybe the more prudish amongst us feel what the OP and you are describing is like letting children watch porn?

I think the OP should maybe do a little research and get some support around the issue of SN people's sexualities. Because there is an unfortunate attitude that people with SN shouldn't have sexual feelings or sexual knowledge: this is unhealthy and unfair on the child with SN. Having autism doesn't mean he's going to remain sexless. He;s already interested by the sound of it.

eggontoast - you'd have to be very prudish to think of this as porn. Honestly.

Well, I'd just rather explain with diagrams how the sperm gets to the egg and talk about the relationship/love side rather than show it graphically with moving images.

That's me. Others are a lot more liberal. I think the poster wants to help her child understand without literally 'showing' him as she feels it is inappropriate.

SGB - I dont think the poster wants to avoid her child knowing/feeling - I think she wants him to know in a way that is suitable to him, not be literally show and told all the gory/juicy details.

What's unsuitable about children of 10 or 11 being told that sex is enjoyable?

told, nothing. Seeing the bumping and grinding, a little too much