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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask party guests to not smoke or wear stillettos in the house

158 replies

Irishchic · 25/01/2010 11:43

I got a party invite today. On the invite it said it would be appreciated if guests did not smoke in the house or wear stilettos (this couple have recently renovated house and fair enough have spent a fortune on lovely oak floors throughout..)

I think this is ok to put on an invite. Another friend of mine is livid and thinks it's really rude...

Is my friend BU?

OP posts:
tethersend · 25/01/2010 13:59

Throwing a party isn't compulsory.

Southwind · 25/01/2010 14:12

Yes please oldenglishspangles

oldenglishspangles · 25/01/2010 14:15

southwind

tethersend · 25/01/2010 14:18

Just to clarify, is popcorn throwing allowed at this party?

Heathcliffscathy · 25/01/2010 14:21

smoking: fair enough, although tbh I wouldn't expect anyone to smoke in anyone's house, but rather to go outside, unless the hosts were smokers that smoked indoors themselves. i wouldn't have though this needed requesting unless you have v rude friends!

stilletoes...what a pile of wank, party? no high heels? wtf?

Southwind · 25/01/2010 14:21

It did state either way on the invite

oldenglishspangles · 25/01/2010 14:22

Popcorn - most definitely. then we are going to pretend we are at the polo and stomp it into the floor to fill in the stilletto holes

Southwind · 25/01/2010 14:23

It didn't state either way on the invite

cant get used to feeding AND typing

ppeatfruit · 25/01/2010 14:32

we 've got friends in slovenia and when you go in their houses or flats there is a pile of slippers by the door for all. you may have issues about wearing other poeple's slippers but when you think about some people's anxiety about bacteria the 'wearing indoor shoes'idea is a really good one.
i know the not wearing stilettos is for a different reason but it certainly is not unreasonable.

SerenityNowAKABleh · 25/01/2010 14:48

Well, good parties don't let shoes last very long anyway; it's tough dancing on the furniture in stilletoes. Takes some practice.

It just does sound so prescriptive - why are they throwing the party anyway? To show off said new floors?

HuwEdwards · 25/01/2010 14:58

You are invited to our party.

No stilletoes
No smoking
No popcorn
No enjoying yerself

etc.

etc.

No thanks (and I don't smoke).

MissWooWoo · 25/01/2010 15:06

I think it's fine

Irishchic · 25/01/2010 17:03

Am just back to this thread and interested to see all the varying replies.

Just to clarify, the invite was by text to everyone.

I know this couple and they are neither show-offs or kill joys.

They work damn hard, spent a lot on renovating a victorian house. Someone dropped in one day wearing stillettos and the damage caused by one person in one afternoon to the floors was unbelievable.

So i didnt think it unreasonable that they should ask people no stilettos. It was clear that ordinary heels were allowed, just not the really pointy stiletto ones.

They would never, and have never, asked anyone to remove their shoes at the door as would be too embarrassed. But that's why they wanted to give people advance warning.

To those who say they should have picked another floor, or should not bother throwing parties, I think that's a bit ridiculous. If you have an old house, are they seriously saying the floors should be lifted and replaced with something really hard, like marble or granite or something, just to spare the annoyance of a few people who might come to the party they might throw only once every couple of years anyway??

Arent folk entitled to have a nice home and entertain in that home without worrying about damage? Red wine spillage no problem, broked ornament, no biggie. Pock marked and ruined old oak floor...bye bye a shedload of money!

OP posts:
Irishchic · 25/01/2010 17:05

broken ornament that should be!

OP posts:
mattellie · 25/01/2010 17:07

I don?t particularly have an issue with ?no stilettos? on a newly renovated floor.

But as an aside, can?t stand being asked to remove shoes at the front door ? is your floor really more important than your guests? comfort? If so, perhaps you should reconsider inviting anyone over?

SpringHeeledJack · 25/01/2010 17:20

tell them to invite bruxeur

s/he's a hoot and will bring any backsliders up to scratch- and probably hoover up afterwards

MrsMattie · 25/01/2010 17:24

I wouldn't have a problem with this.

Our oak floors in our hall were ruined by a friend wearing stilettos. I scan people's feet as they come in the door now. I don't ask people to remove their shoes as standard, but stulettos - yep. To be honest, my floor is pretty important to me, yeh

No smoking is a non issue. Plenty of people don't allow smoking in their homes.

Irishchic · 25/01/2010 17:26

Mattellie - I would agree. Am not too fond of being asked to remove shoes at door either, though obviously if my shoes are really mucky or wet, i would just remove anyway at the door rather than tramping muck through house.

I have been round this couples' house loads of times and never asked to remove shoes, they just don't do that.

But after that one experience of stilettos,they made this a stipulation on their texted invite.

Which I thought was fair enough.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 25/01/2010 17:27

'Is your floor more important than your guests comfort?'

Why yes, it is.

usualsuspect · 25/01/2010 17:30

Why have a party if you are afraid of people ruining your precious floor?

Irishchic · 25/01/2010 17:37

Usual Suspect - Hmm, think about that..maybe it is actually possible to have a party and not have your floor ruined, and maybe that is not an unreasonable aspiration.

Or do you think people who are having a party should just accept that their floor will be irreparably damaged by the end of the night?

Blimey. Glad you're not a mate of mine

OP posts:
mazzystartled · 25/01/2010 17:47

The no smoking bit is fine
The no stillettos bit is anal
I agree with those posters that say if you want parties you have to put up with a bit of floor indentation
Though most people are favouring platform courts these days anyhoo so the point may be moot

minxofmancunia · 25/01/2010 17:48

fair enough to include the stilleto's thing on the invitation,they do trash wooden floors.

I like wearing high heels when i go out so would be glad of the info and wear wedges.

smoking shouldn't really need to ask, I've not seen anyone light up indoors for yeras. The smokers I know smoke outside their own homes.

Don't mind removing shoes at the door for normal visits but don't garee you should expcet it if your having a party. Went to a partu once and was asked to remove boots, huge pile of shoes by front door. Lots of guests inside looking pissed off. We just left immediately.

Aside from wooden floors and stilletos (due to cost of replacing them) I think if you're having a party you can't be too precious about your house.

tethersend · 25/01/2010 17:52

A good party will ruin a floor, oak or otherwise.

Hulababy · 25/01/2010 17:57

I think the invite sounds fine and would be happy to comply.

There are other heels to proper stilettos.

No way would I allow anyone to smoke inside my house. They would be expected to go outside and have the doors shut before lighting up.