Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask party guests to not smoke or wear stillettos in the house

158 replies

Irishchic · 25/01/2010 11:43

I got a party invite today. On the invite it said it would be appreciated if guests did not smoke in the house or wear stilettos (this couple have recently renovated house and fair enough have spent a fortune on lovely oak floors throughout..)

I think this is ok to put on an invite. Another friend of mine is livid and thinks it's really rude...

Is my friend BU?

OP posts:
sayanything · 25/01/2010 12:31

If your friends do have a no-stilleto policy, I'd much rather be told in advance than at the door. I felt like a complete muppet turning up at the house of DH's colleagues, being asked to take off my shoes and being given a lovely set of fluffy slippers, which set off my LBD wonderfully.

sayanything · 25/01/2010 12:32

Set?? pair obviously.

Skegness · 25/01/2010 12:33

I think it's OTT to actually write it on the invitation. Comes across as quite controlling. Don't think it's at all unreasonable not to allow smoking in the house- don't know anyone who does allow it any more, including those who smoke themselves. But, in consequence, think most smokers just assume they'll need to go outside these days anyway, so no need to spell it out. I (unreasonably!) tend to feel cross that someone would even think they even had to mention it because they should KNOW I wouldn't do such a terrible thing! The shoe thing would also annoy me as I'm on the short side and like wearing a bit of heel on a night out. It would restrict my outfit choice- grrr. I suppose it's natural that they want to protect their newly laid floor but a mean little part of me would think just bloody choose- do you want a completely pristene house or a good party because there's bound to be someone who accidentally knocks over a nice ornament, spills red wine or dents the floor at a party, unless it's extremely sedate and nobody moves at all, surely. But, if they were lovely people otherwise, I'd just roll my eyes and forget about it, I guess.

ilovesprouts · 25/01/2010 12:39

smoking yanbu shoes

PlanetEarth · 25/01/2010 12:42

We have a few dents in our floor where someone where stilettos at a party - when I look at them I don't worry about the floor, just remember the fun party! Might feel differently if they were all over the house though .

hatwoman · 25/01/2010 12:42

i think that if they want to be welcoming hosts and preserve their floors, they should go to ikea and buy some cheap rugs. the cost would be minimal, comapred with what they've already spent.

Lovesdogsandcats · 25/01/2010 12:45

i think its fine to put it on the invite as gives people who disagree chance to turn down.

As for the stiletto bit - 2 little dents in my newly laid kitchen floor would say they are correct to ban them!!

GetOrfMoiLand · 25/01/2010 12:48

It's not just stilettos anyway - i have loads of strange chevron dents all over the house from stamping around in high heel wedge boots.

I wear slippers now.

SerenityNowAKABleh · 25/01/2010 12:51

I once wore stilletos to party at friend's parents' house, and the bit were I was standing ended up pockmarked. I was VERY embarassed, but friend blamed it on another girl at the party who she didn't like (this girl got off with a guy friend really fancied, so somewhat justified).

for my DB's wedding they had the -heels have to be larger than postage stamp malarky, because it was a listed building with fancy floors. They just handed out these cover things that you can put on heels, and everyone was happy.

SerenityNowAKABleh · 25/01/2010 12:52

Things like these

GetOrfMoiLand · 25/01/2010 12:54

Lol at those heels.

Me + high heels + heel covers + alcohol = amusing stumbling and potential face first pitch pole into the coffee table.

pigletmania · 25/01/2010 12:54

Your friend is totally BU about the smoking, why should other people have to breath in their toxic fumes, its up to the houseowner and their wishes have to be respected, same goes with the stilleto thing though it did not have to be in the invite, as guests came the hosts could politely ask everybody to take off their shoes.

southeastastra · 25/01/2010 12:54

the flooring must be quite cheapy to dent so easily? doesn't sound very hardy

HerbalHolly · 25/01/2010 12:55

Absolutely fair enough on the shoe front.

I've just sent out my wedding invites and they included the following paragraph:

'If the weather is fair we shall celebrating in the garden, if it rains we shall be inside, so please allow for either when choosing what to wear. On a similar note: ladies please no stiletto heels as many of the floors inside are not suitable for these.'

My parents are opening their home up to receive our guests for the reception. Their home is a beautiful Victorian villa and I'll be damned if anyone is walking their stilettos over the 150 year old wooden floors. Anyone who is 'livid' about the no stilettos condition can stay the hell away . I personally would much rather receive advance warning as I've been to unannounced no shoes parties and had to slink about in a LBD complimented by my mismatched socks.

It hadn't occured to me to say anything about smoking, I doubt whether anyone would in a non smoking home.

bruxeur · 25/01/2010 12:56

or these?

GetOrfMoiLand · 25/01/2010 12:58

SEA - god knows what modern oak flooring is like, but my house has got the original floorboards and with high heels plus my 12 stone frame they may as well be made of balsa wood!

It doesn't really matter though in the scheme of things does it? Poeple can wear flat shoes for a night.

clam · 25/01/2010 13:00

Seems like a load of people are saying not unreasonable re: smoking, but unreasonable re: the stilettoes.

But surely the stiletto damage is far more lasting to a newly-renovated floor? With smoking, you just whack open the windows over the next couple of days. Assuming no one has started a fire. Stiletto pockmarks you're stuck with for life.

I'd prefer to know in advance. Not that I can wear high heels. And I don't smoke either, but it wouldn't offend me if I did.

oldenglishspangles · 25/01/2010 13:00

Am with the no stillettos - They cause too much damage. Not sure what the issue is they cause permanent damage. Suprised she had to write no smoking tho as most smokes I know would never light up without asking. We dont allow smoking in the house but they are free to use the garden.

We also have a no shoe policy in our our - its a cultural thing but to be honest I would want that anyway.

pigletmania · 25/01/2010 13:03

Clam the effects of secondhand smoke is longer lasting imo. Fair enough smoke but do it outside away from people who dont smoke. Yes people do have to be reminded not to smoke inside as its not obvious to everyone.

oldenglishspangles · 25/01/2010 13:04

Should be not sure what the issue is objecting to that

oldenglishspangles · 25/01/2010 13:05

That was inreference to my last post not piglets.

tethersend · 25/01/2010 13:07

Sounds like a raging party.

Have fun.

bruxeur · 25/01/2010 13:11

Because smoking and wearing a specific type of shoe is just so freakin' AWESOME?

Rock on!

tethersend · 25/01/2010 13:12

Bet you have some nights to remember, bruxeur

bruxeur · 25/01/2010 13:13

Only if I've charged my meerschaum and donned my mukluks! W00T!!!1!