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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to "allow" DH's 15 yr old stepson to get arrested and spend a night in the cells?

501 replies

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 19:46

DH is not stepson's bio Dad, but lived with him between age 3 and 13, and has been in contact since and financially supporting his Mum and younger sister (also not DH's child).

Anyway, after a long saga of on-going hassles, and lots of soul-searching have in the last week really put my foot down, and inisted on a set of ground rules. I also have my DD (who lives with us f/t) and am about to have a baby (due 4/2) to think of. One of the new rules was that although DH is free to see his steps whenever he likes, and provide any financial support he sees fit - I didn't want them in our home near my kids (but I would review this in 6 mths).

So last night, DH is out for a work function. 10.30 pm, I notice stepson and another male I don't know walk up the path. They ring the bell - I ignore it. They are noisy and sound drunk/intoxicated... then tehy start shouting. I go down, answer the door on chain, say DH is not there, please go away.

Step son is hammered and screaming I'm a lying bitch as DH's car is in the drive (he took a taxi). Starts to boot the car, while his mates tries to talk him down. More screaming. I say, go now or I WILL call the police - manage to shut the door. I call the police,but whilst I am giving my address, they arrive. (2 other neighbours had called them).

I stay in doors, WPC comes into sit with me. 5 mins later, literally, they come into say the mate left and went home nicely, but stepson has been lifted. They ask if DH is the Dad - and I say no (and explain as above). Try to call DH, but get his voicemail - can't think what to say in a voice msg so say nothing about it. So go to bed, thinking this is not my problem.

Anyway, have found out today that police couldnt' contact DH's ex, so step son spent the night in the cells. DH is furious - he thinks I should have done more.

I think it's the mum's responsbility and although I think locking him up all night was OTT, I think I behaved reasonably.

AIBU?

OP posts:
babyicebean · 24/01/2010 22:33

If I was your husband I would be absoultly spitting with you and I don't blame him for being narky.

You say this happend 10.30 last night.You leave a message on his phone with NO reference to the son.He finds out at 8 this morning.

so almost 9 or 10 hours where he could have been doing SOMETHING for this boy.How does the child feel when he is locked up till his mother comes at 11ish?How would you feel?He is probably scared witless.

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 22:34

ah, SM, finally, a voice of stern reason.

(tis MadameDefarge btw)

babyicebean · 24/01/2010 22:36

I am on the side of your husband in this one I am afraid WWC.

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 22:37

Georgiamam - the houses are marital assets which spouses can register interests in with land registry to prevent a sale or transfer of ownership - it's pretty standard stuff. His house is in his name and mine is in mine, however the laws views both houses as shared assets because we are married.

NorthernLurker - I was never in a relationship with DD's dad - it was a casual relationship

Nigel - I registered an interest because I felt the marriage was going tits up, to coin an expression, and I didn't want DH disposing of assets without discussion.

Babyice - I didn't say ring me back because I assumed that police would have taken DSS home, and besides I wanted to go to bed, so I didn't really want him to ring me, and have to recount it all... I am pg and have a small child who wakes at 6.30 every morning..

OP posts:
northernlurker · 24/01/2010 22:38

Yes baby of all the fictional characters wwc presents the husband is much the most attractive character. Bit of a sap, not sure I'd shag him (assuming one wasn't married of course) but he is (as she oft reminds us) terribly , terribly rich.

babyicebean · 24/01/2010 22:39

You may weel have assumed that but he has looked after these children and continues to do so - and he had to find out there had been a problem almost 9 hours after?

Don't like it?think of it from his point of view.

Please DO NOT shorten my screen name it means a lot to me

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 22:39

Add message | Report | Contact poster By northernlurker Sun 24-Jan-10 22:32:20
Gracious - how odd! redbindippers and wwc started posting at around the same time...

Oh dear - not another name changing conspiracy theory... I do keep telling you that I never change my name. Life is chaotic enough!

OP posts:
Janos · 24/01/2010 22:40

Yep, whoever said 'sociopathic fantasist' is probably about right. This is one deeply disturbed individual.

scottishmummy · 24/01/2010 22:40

wwc the good folk of spam valley must think your a right hairy

polis at yer door
screaming drunk neds on cars
rab mcglinchey getting lifted

you certainly have no class

Mermaidspam · 24/01/2010 22:41

@ northernlurker

Why on earth would you assume that the police had taken DSS home? Did you not think to ask? Or do you genuinely not care for these children at all?

babyicebean · 24/01/2010 22:41

If you were upset by what had happened would you not want your husband there?

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 22:41

Er, wwc, I really don't think you need to instruct GM in the finer points of marital law.

You couldn't be arsed to tell someone their 15 year old child had been taken off by the police because you are pregnant?

Logic?

Georgimama · 24/01/2010 22:41

Yes, I'm aware of that, I'm just surprised you are with your "it's my house" routine further up the thread.

"I didn't say ring me back because I assumed that police would have taken DSS home, and besides I wanted to go to bed, so I didn't really want him to ring me, and have to recount it all... I am pg and have a small child who wakes at 6.30 every morning.."

But you've got the energy to argue the toss with a bunch of strangers at nearly eleven?

Janos · 24/01/2010 22:42

I wonder which area of Embra all of this happened in? Imagine all the curtain twitching that went on.

babyicebean · 24/01/2010 22:42

Scottishmummy that last post sounds like a typical friday/saturday night round my way

Rindercella · 24/01/2010 22:42

PMSL @ SM

Actually, given how big WWC's house must be, I am highly surprised her neighbours were even aware of a disturbance there.

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 22:42

I do so love your sparky exclamation marks as if we were all just chatting about handbags...

justsue · 24/01/2010 22:42

WWC: I actually feel sorry for you being such a fantasist and truly believing your own postings but you have to remember there are other people out there that truly are going through this situation and god forbid you dont got through it for real

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 22:43

I think that what posters are conveniently ignoring is that when DH found out at 8 am, he did not rush round to see how DSS was, he took my DD swimming...

He didn't know at all until 11am because - here's the humdinger - the police only inform THE PARENTS.... he is not their Dad - that's the point.

So what do you think would have been achieved by phoning him and distrubing him at his networking dinner?

OP posts:
babyicebean · 24/01/2010 22:43

WWC I will happily swap ypu your 6.30 riser for my two 5.15 risers

babyicebean · 24/01/2010 22:44

He would not have wanted to come home to his upset, pregnant wife.

I think the bit where you said 'So go to bed, thinking this is not my problem.' sums it up.

Janos · 24/01/2010 22:45

I'm still wondering where all this happened.

And hang on..didn't WWC say she stayed in Glasgow at one point?

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 22:45

Oh No! You are destroying my faith in the uberStepFather! what a rotter.

And indeed, no adult wants to be disturbed at at, um, networking dinner, by something as a 15 year old having an emotional meltdown and being carted off by the police.

scottishmummy · 24/01/2010 22:45

how did rab mcglinchey get past the electric gate and moat of casa del ned?did he leg it o'er the fence?

babyicebean · 24/01/2010 22:46

Whose Rab McGlinchey?