to "allow" DH's 15 yr old stepson to get arrested and spend a night in the cells?

[WashwithCare]

DH is not stepson's bio Dad, but lived with him between age 3 and 13, and has been in contact since and financially supporting his Mum and younger sister (also not DH's child).

Anyway, after a long saga of on-going hassles, and lots of soul-searching have in the last week really put my foot down, and inisted on a set of ground rules. I also have my DD (who lives with us f/t) and am about to have a baby (due 4/2) to think of. One of the new rules was that although DH is free to see his steps whenever he likes, and provide any financial support he sees fit - I didn't want them in our home near my kids (but I would review this in 6 mths).

So last night, DH is out for a work function. 10.30 pm, I notice stepson and another male I don't know walk up the path. They ring the bell - I ignore it. They are noisy and sound drunk/intoxicated... then tehy start shouting. I go down, answer the door on chain, say DH is not there, please go away.

Step son is hammered and screaming I'm a lying bitch as DH's car is in the drive (he took a taxi). Starts to boot the car, while his mates tries to talk him down. More screaming. I say, go now or I WILL call the police - manage to shut the door. I call the police,but whilst I am giving my address, they arrive. (2 other neighbours had called them).

I stay in doors, WPC comes into sit with me. 5 mins later, literally, they come into say the mate left and went home nicely, but stepson has been lifted. They ask if DH is the Dad - and I say no (and explain as above). Try to call DH, but get his voicemail - can't think what to say in a voice msg so say nothing about it. So go to bed, thinking this is not my problem.

Anyway, have found out today that police couldnt' contact DH's ex, so step son spent the night in the cells. DH is furious - he thinks I should have done more.

I think it's the mum's responsbility and although I think locking him up all night was OTT, I think I behaved reasonably.

AIBU?

Nigel - DH found out this morning when ex-gf called screaming at him... apparently the police eventually got her in at 11 am - she was a bit fuzzy about how long she had been in... or where she had been. I suppose it is possible she got home in the wee hour,s but it took them a while to try again this morning????

Then they made her go down the station (which alledgedly has traumatised her).... poor thing...

They have released him without charge, but given him a stern talking to.

That's all I know really...

Surely WWC the same applies to that house as to yours - he brought it to the marriage and you brought yours? Why one rule for you but another for him?

Please tell me more about your career as a lawyer - you seem to know nothing about family law, nothing about estate planning, nothing about criminal law and nothing about litigation.

What kind of lawyer are you?

Thanks for making the house thing clear NigelTheWonderBoy

I think you did absolutely the right thing. The fact that this drunken yob was locked was his own fault not yours. Your ground rules also sound OK to me.

Still not answering pertinent questions.

Quelle Surprise.

For the last time, when did you deign to tell your DH about the fracas last night, and when and how did you discover he had spend the night in the cells?

By Georgimama Sun 24-Jan-10 22:01:45
If you are a lawyer you should know perfectly well that he could be a litigation friend for this child whether he is his biological parent or not.

DH is a commerical contract sol, so really wouldn't be must use! However, you've missed the point - he has no right to instruct anyone on behalf of DS - he has no legal status with regard to the child.

Can someone bring me up to speed please? Whats all this about the mother taking the SDC out of school?

xpost.

wwc, namechanging to bring in support is rather obvious.

So you aren't a lawyer, your husband is.

And as I said already, you don't have to have legal status with regard to a child to act as a litigation friend. CPR Part 21 love, read it. But we wouldn't want little things like facts to get in the way.

By NigelTheWonderBoy Sun 24-Jan-10 22:04:35
And did you really go around your neighbours urging them to call the police on you stepchildren?

No - after a number of nasty scenes in the street, a delegation of my neighbours knocked on my door.

They were sorry because always gone on so well, because I am pg, and because they know it is stressing me out BUT they were fed up of being distrubed in the middle of the night, early in the morning etc.

I said, I agreed it was awful, and I was sorry. I said I felt at a loss as to how to stop it, and I reassured them, that if they felt the situation warranted it, they should not feel any misguided loyalty to me, but should call the police.

I think you did absolutely the right thing. The fact that this drunken yob was locked was his own fault not yours. Your ground rules also sound OK to me. by REDBINDIPPERS ALIAS WASHWITH CARE

No duty sergeant in their right mind would refuse information to the stepfather of a child in detention, if the stepfather actually had known what was going on.

Not everybody is ruled by the letter of the law, especially not the police. They use their discretion. If they have a 15 year old in custody and can't find their mother, and their stepfather calls, they would at least be told the bare facts. If only because the stepfather was the alleged victim of the 15 year olds criminal damage!

Real Life, that's what it is called.

As far as I can work out -
Stepson and mate turn up at the house drunk
Make lots of noise and are intimidating
Police are called
Police want to know if Husband is the father
Mate wanders off like a good boy
Police cant contact mother so place child in cells over night
WWC leave a 'I'm not in labour' text
Husband finds out child was in cells and goes ballistic

By NigelTheWonderBoy Sun 24-Jan-10 22:09:14
And you decided to pursue this little bit of shit stirring the weekend you banned the children from the house, the same week the children were removed from their school at the whim of their mother (who may or may not have MH issues)

Marvellous sense of timing, deary. Very sensitive.

Nigel - I'm not setting the agenda. I am simply responding to it. Any family lawyer would advise the course of action I took - I am simpmly protecting my interests, and that of my children. What mother wouldn't?

I don't usually do this sort of thing, but you deserve it:

By WashwithCare Sun 10-Jan-10 23:13:52
I should perhaps own up that I am a lawyer.

Here's a tip - the secret to being a good liar is being able to remember your lies.

Any mother would not do what you did.

Only grasping, avaricious, selfish bitches would.

Did I miss anything out?

But have you actually got any children that seems to be the question from loads of posts.

Georgimama Sun 24-Jan-10 22:12:14
Surely WWC the same applies to that house as to yours - he brought it to the marriage and you brought yours? Why one rule for you but another for him?

Please tell me more about your career as a lawyer - you seem to know nothing about family law, nothing about estate planning, nothing about criminal law and nothing about litigation.

What kind of lawyer are you?

Same applies to my house too Georgimama obviously - he is welcome to register an interest on it... but then I am unlikely to give it away to a barmy ex?

A commerical sol advocate - my family law is ok - it interests me. We shoudl perhaps chat about it one day when we have more time.

your right GM, got to get the narrative straight, or it all falls apart.

They're not your interests though, are they? Anymore than your house is your husband's interest. They are assets you each brought to the union.

Whilst we're asking questions...you and dh have been married two years? And your dd is three - so when did you split up from dd's father? You did jolly well imo to pull yourself together, meet and marry a new man all whilst working full time and employing useless nanny number 1 in her first year of life