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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to "allow" DH's 15 yr old stepson to get arrested and spend a night in the cells?

501 replies

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 19:46

DH is not stepson's bio Dad, but lived with him between age 3 and 13, and has been in contact since and financially supporting his Mum and younger sister (also not DH's child).

Anyway, after a long saga of on-going hassles, and lots of soul-searching have in the last week really put my foot down, and inisted on a set of ground rules. I also have my DD (who lives with us f/t) and am about to have a baby (due 4/2) to think of. One of the new rules was that although DH is free to see his steps whenever he likes, and provide any financial support he sees fit - I didn't want them in our home near my kids (but I would review this in 6 mths).

So last night, DH is out for a work function. 10.30 pm, I notice stepson and another male I don't know walk up the path. They ring the bell - I ignore it. They are noisy and sound drunk/intoxicated... then tehy start shouting. I go down, answer the door on chain, say DH is not there, please go away.

Step son is hammered and screaming I'm a lying bitch as DH's car is in the drive (he took a taxi). Starts to boot the car, while his mates tries to talk him down. More screaming. I say, go now or I WILL call the police - manage to shut the door. I call the police,but whilst I am giving my address, they arrive. (2 other neighbours had called them).

I stay in doors, WPC comes into sit with me. 5 mins later, literally, they come into say the mate left and went home nicely, but stepson has been lifted. They ask if DH is the Dad - and I say no (and explain as above). Try to call DH, but get his voicemail - can't think what to say in a voice msg so say nothing about it. So go to bed, thinking this is not my problem.

Anyway, have found out today that police couldnt' contact DH's ex, so step son spent the night in the cells. DH is furious - he thinks I should have done more.

I think it's the mum's responsbility and although I think locking him up all night was OTT, I think I behaved reasonably.

AIBU?

OP posts:
justsue · 25/01/2010 22:52

hey I saw that sqaut

Vallhala · 25/01/2010 22:54

No problem WWC... I just thought I was losing the plot for a moment!

WashwithCare · 25/01/2010 22:56

We're in Edinburgh....

It's nice to know that everyone now thinks I am too educated to make mistakes, whilst previously my spelling was too poor, and my use of the apostrophe too eratic to make a RG degree plausible

Stepping back from it all, I think there are probably more individuals posters who believe I WAS reasonable, than those against. It is just that the ones who think I was unreasonable post again.. and again... and again...

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 25/01/2010 22:59

aye bring the conspiracy theories on,all your acolytes cant access their computers to post.but the mean gerls are all tap tapping.disproportionately skewing the post

babyicebean · 25/01/2010 23:02

WashWithCare if that is what was missing then I get what the arrangements are.

HOWEVER I have asked you on a couple of occasions to not shorten my name this includes - baby,babyice and also babes.Surely if you are as you say you are you will understand this is a reasonable request.I have reasons for this and I would like you to respect them.I do not think I have intentionally insulted you and unless I trawl back through this thread I do not think I have sworn at you either.

For the last time wiil you not shorten my name.

NeedaNewName · 25/01/2010 23:03

WWC for what its worth I'm on your side.

I've never seen any other threads before so maybe I'm missing something but if I were you I'd leave this thread well alone, you've obviously upset some posters here and they will never agree with you whatever you say.

There are however a couple of points. I think you should have left a message on your DH phone and alerted him to the situation sooner, though I can see why you didn't.

And although legally your DH might not be the children's father, morally he is, he raised them for most of their lives and they see him as their dad, this is something you will have to accept and find a way to live with.

However the step children shouldn't be able to get away with abusive and violent behaviour just becasue their family has split up. My parents divorced when I was younger but I never behaved like that.

Maybe when everyone has calmed down a bit you can explain to your DH why you though it inappropriate that his son was let in the house - not safe for you or your child. But you must also listen to him and find a solution to all this.

lucky1979 · 25/01/2010 23:03

Actually I reckon this thread is about 10% in favour, 10% against and 80% back patting about who's the cleverest wittiest most super-dooper troll spotter.

AnyFucker · 25/01/2010 23:03

WWC, forgive me for mentioning another thread, but do you know why your cleaner thread was pulled ?

Vallhala · 25/01/2010 23:08

Well, on the fence here as to whether the whole story is for real or not, totally with WWC if it is and in support of Babyicebean in her request. I often address others by initials such as WWC or abbreviations such as "Wash". Common courtesy dictates that I don't do it again if asked not to, and I certainly wouldn't add insult to injury by conjouring up further nicknames for the complainant.

Play nicely please!

justsue · 25/01/2010 23:10

Washwithcare: Why has your cleaning post been pulled of. Just out of bored curiosity really and the fact that I dont have to rush up in the morning to go to work Another post entirely

RedbinDippers · 25/01/2010 23:10

@babyiceypops
Why don't you start a new AIBU thread about name shortning?

babyicebean · 25/01/2010 23:11

Thank you Valhalla

I have no idea why the name thing has narked me

babyicebean · 25/01/2010 23:12

Right thats it I will go and post an AIBU so there

AnyFucker · 25/01/2010 23:12

it appears WashWithCare's other thread was pulled because it turned into a "slanging match"

Vallhala · 25/01/2010 23:12

Well, Red (may I call you Red?), you've certainly cleared up my indecision on one matter.

Or should I call you "Wash"?

babyicebean · 25/01/2010 23:13

babyiceypops?

Rindercella · 25/01/2010 23:14

RedbinDippers, you're such a wit

babyicebean · 25/01/2010 23:16

Redbindippers - are you serious or am I missing a joke?

If you are being serious what has it to do with you what I call myself and/or shortenings?

ThatVikRinA22 · 25/01/2010 23:17

agree with Lucky1979. (see, im thinking when once person agrees with another the bandwagon gets rolling....)

justsue · 25/01/2010 23:18

and it goes on (washwithcare/Redbindippers) or am I just a newbie that does not get it

babyicebean · 25/01/2010 23:19

what goes on with WashWithCare and Redbindippers?
Have I missed something vital?

scottishmummy · 25/01/2010 23:20

alternatively you cant polish a turd.this is shite.WashwithCare has been inconsistent/provocative in her posts - to elicit response.

DreamsInBinary · 25/01/2010 23:20

Me too, Vicar.

justsue · 25/01/2010 23:21

oops I thought she was the same person will stand corrected If I am wrong and will apoligise

babyicebean · 25/01/2010 23:21

Oh