to "allow" DH's 15 yr old stepson to get arrested and spend a night in the cells?

[WashwithCare]

DH is not stepson's bio Dad, but lived with him between age 3 and 13, and has been in contact since and financially supporting his Mum and younger sister (also not DH's child).

Anyway, after a long saga of on-going hassles, and lots of soul-searching have in the last week really put my foot down, and inisted on a set of ground rules. I also have my DD (who lives with us f/t) and am about to have a baby (due 4/2) to think of. One of the new rules was that although DH is free to see his steps whenever he likes, and provide any financial support he sees fit - I didn't want them in our home near my kids (but I would review this in 6 mths).

So last night, DH is out for a work function. 10.30 pm, I notice stepson and another male I don't know walk up the path. They ring the bell - I ignore it. They are noisy and sound drunk/intoxicated... then tehy start shouting. I go down, answer the door on chain, say DH is not there, please go away.

Step son is hammered and screaming I'm a lying bitch as DH's car is in the drive (he took a taxi). Starts to boot the car, while his mates tries to talk him down. More screaming. I say, go now or I WILL call the police - manage to shut the door. I call the police,but whilst I am giving my address, they arrive. (2 other neighbours had called them).

I stay in doors, WPC comes into sit with me. 5 mins later, literally, they come into say the mate left and went home nicely, but stepson has been lifted. They ask if DH is the Dad - and I say no (and explain as above). Try to call DH, but get his voicemail - can't think what to say in a voice msg so say nothing about it. So go to bed, thinking this is not my problem.

Anyway, have found out today that police couldnt' contact DH's ex, so step son spent the night in the cells. DH is furious - he thinks I should have done more.

I think it's the mum's responsbility and although I think locking him up all night was OTT, I think I behaved reasonably.

AIBU?

Rockbird - that's the problem with skimming

Whispers -'She makes it all up '
So no 15 year old step son, no drunken shouting, no night in the cells. Just a hairy bloke for Scunthorpe getting his kicks over the fact that people are naive enough to believe him.

The boys mother who is the only adult with parental responsibility is the only adult into whose care the police would have released the boy. The police should have contacted her and maybe did for all we know.
I wouldn't have let a drunk 15 year old who hates me into my house if I was alone with a small child, especially if he came with friend.
Here in Scotland you are legally an adult at 16 so he's not a wee boy.

I agree it's very odd no voice mail message was left on husband's phone telling him of police escapade.
It's still mainly something the mum should have been dealing with though and even if her husband got involved the police may not have let him get the lad released from the cells as he isn't the father and doesn't have pr.
This does make a big difference.

Okay, I vowed I would'nt join in here, but I just have to make one point.

WWC, you say that other people called the police, who then took the boy off your hands, right? So you did not, in fact, send the kid of saying 'sleep it off in the cells.'

In that case, aside from the dubious act of not informing the man who amy as well be this boy's father that the police had been involved (which he probably ought to have known, though, okay, he was calm the following morning. Whatever,) you didn't actually really have an active role in this situation. You, overall, did nothing.

So why are you now seeking approval for having opened the door and panicked a little? Other people did the legwork here, why stir it up for attention? TBH, you're coming across as attention-seeking more than anything else.

WashWithCare please explain in SIMPLE to understand terms who has care of your DD

In one thread you say you live apart and in another you say you have her full time in as much as you never have been away from her overnight.

How does this happen?

Does the ex have her during the day and you have her at night?
Or does she live with you?

Remember it needs to be simple for me as am having trouble understanding.

WWC you really are struggling with the facts maybe you need a script editor to help you make sure that your story stays the same , lots of little things e.g. at one point you said you too DD swimming yesterday then it was DH who took her swimming then you took DD swimming all at the same time? Sorry but you really need to write down all your "facts" so you can stick to your "story" a little more accurately either that or you need to get a life.

me too
" my relationship with DD's dad was not a serious one, but we have worked hard to co-parent. I say DD lives with me f/t, as she has never spent a night away from me, but she sees her Dad regularly."
how is this living apart from her, as you claim? Even if her dad has her from 8am to 7pm, if she spends each night with you I'd call that living with you.

Sorry, let me get this straight - you left a voicemail saying "I am not in labour and I am going to bed" but you didn't mention what had happened? I am astounded. You appear to be an intelligent, articulate individual and yet you couldn't find the word to describe what had happened. Why not? I think you are spinning this event for all it is worth and so yes I do think you are being unreasonable. The words manipulative and schemeing also come to mind.

Sassybeast fair point

I don't know where all the confusion regarding DD comes from... I have said quite clearly that DD lives with me, has never spent a night away. While I am work she has a nanny. For those who have been stalking me across other threads, I think the phrase you picked out was it is hard to trust someone else with your children - but I never said DD lived with her Dad....

Like wise about Church etc.. if you go back and actually read what I wrote, I said I told DH about incident in the morning around 8 am when we got up. His reaction was to do nothing, and he took DD to her 8.45 swimming lesson - he got back quarter to 10. And about half an hour later DD and I left for mornign service - DH didn't go. While we were out - we were not back till after noon, his ex contacted him.

Whilst I don't mind answering relevant factual questions - you all seem so desperate to pick a factual hole.. it's an internet board.. I can't show you my passport - you just have to go on trust, or not beleive it - totally up to you...

It does seem to mount up to to the fact that you resent me for who I say am and what I say I have done - so if you don't beleive what I'm saying, it does rather make one wonder why you are all so cross?

WWC you said..and I quote:

"Hope it gets better - I live apart from my DD and get on well with her dad"

duh!

all the blithering on in the world won't change the fact that you've slipped up. Silly troll.

Thanks 2rebecca you post, Mon 25-Jan-10 11:03:04 is spot on.

I didn't call because it never occured to me that DSS would be in a cell. I really did think they would take him home. So recounting the whole drama by voicemail just seemed to add unnecessary drama to it all.

DH has calmed down and apologised for blaming me. I think he gets exasperated because he feels so powerless.

What people seem to forget is that when things start to get out of hand, the obvious next step is actually for them to get worse. So drunken arrest is now overshadowed by DSS being to all extents and purposes expelled from school, 5 months before sitting his exams.

People will now no doubt say I am delighted that he is totally screwing his life up, but in all honestly I would prefer a well-mannered lad who popped round for coffee any day.

BTW, what truly horrible remarks someone made speculating on how my birth might be traumatic... nice...

Tap Tap, Curly Whirly, Cuckoo...BOING

wwc. why oh why do you post so many OPs? Quite odd really.

Frankly if you are real, or for real, I think anyone in their right mind would have phoned their DH the minute they could. You're either a liar or very stupid, or both.

Is WWC really a troll then? I was about to post about how self-centred and vindictive she seems. If she's a troll, then I'd add 'moronic' to that list.

Either a troll or has some weird issues regarding how mush she posts about her life. At best I'm guessing she hasn't any friends.

wwc - I didn't speculate about a traumatic birth - I speculated about how you would report the birth. Sorry if my mentioning it has spoilt your story arc..... When it comes down to trust or believe you - I have no trouble, it's disbelief every time.

2rebecca - but do you actually know any 16 yo's who you'd classify as 'adults'? I can't think of a nineteen year old who'd fit that bill, let alone 16 (which is why I shuddered at the thought of Iris Robinson banging a feral 19-yo manboy ).

I always think nobody's really adult until they're 25 - and certainly, with boys, their brains don't fully mature until their early 20s (but then we don't need scientists to tell us that do we now ?).

I am enjoying it, it is kind of like the nescafe ads from years ago. Each little instalment moves the story on a step.

Do you think she plots these threads out in advance, then? Storyboards and all, then releases a leeetle information here...a leeeeeetle more there...until she's got us in her evil web?

I always think trollling could only be worthwhile if you got paid for it, otherwise you're just a woefully inadequate pillock with nothing worthwhile to fill your time.

er, how can he be on the verge of getting expelled from a school his mother has already withdrawn him from?

nul points for narrative cohesion. Must try harder.

Nigel, good good.

WWC sure has a vivid imagination.

Imagine, the time spent making the story up, then sustaining it, trying to make sure you don't get caught out.

The energy it must take...mind boggling.

AND she does it over more than one thread.