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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to "allow" DH's 15 yr old stepson to get arrested and spend a night in the cells?

501 replies

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 19:46

DH is not stepson's bio Dad, but lived with him between age 3 and 13, and has been in contact since and financially supporting his Mum and younger sister (also not DH's child).

Anyway, after a long saga of on-going hassles, and lots of soul-searching have in the last week really put my foot down, and inisted on a set of ground rules. I also have my DD (who lives with us f/t) and am about to have a baby (due 4/2) to think of. One of the new rules was that although DH is free to see his steps whenever he likes, and provide any financial support he sees fit - I didn't want them in our home near my kids (but I would review this in 6 mths).

So last night, DH is out for a work function. 10.30 pm, I notice stepson and another male I don't know walk up the path. They ring the bell - I ignore it. They are noisy and sound drunk/intoxicated... then tehy start shouting. I go down, answer the door on chain, say DH is not there, please go away.

Step son is hammered and screaming I'm a lying bitch as DH's car is in the drive (he took a taxi). Starts to boot the car, while his mates tries to talk him down. More screaming. I say, go now or I WILL call the police - manage to shut the door. I call the police,but whilst I am giving my address, they arrive. (2 other neighbours had called them).

I stay in doors, WPC comes into sit with me. 5 mins later, literally, they come into say the mate left and went home nicely, but stepson has been lifted. They ask if DH is the Dad - and I say no (and explain as above). Try to call DH, but get his voicemail - can't think what to say in a voice msg so say nothing about it. So go to bed, thinking this is not my problem.

Anyway, have found out today that police couldnt' contact DH's ex, so step son spent the night in the cells. DH is furious - he thinks I should have done more.

I think it's the mum's responsbility and although I think locking him up all night was OTT, I think I behaved reasonably.

AIBU?

OP posts:
differentID · 24/01/2010 23:11

I would have thought the OP was at the door having abuse shouted at her by a drunk 15 year old, thus making it rather difficult to call the police as well.

DreamsInBinary · 24/01/2010 23:12

Sorry, that last post came out more agressively than I had intended.

Am still puzzled as to why people would fuel a troll, though.

scottishmummy · 24/01/2010 23:12

dreams this is funny.in a poke the numpty way

babyicebean · 24/01/2010 23:12

IF DH was furious and thinks you should have done more surely this meant ringing him to tell him the police had had to be called to sort out a domestic problem.Surely if it was serious enought to get the police out it was serious enough to ring you husband?

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:14

Done, Bof, I await my slapping with girlish enthusiasm....think Claudine or Gwendolyn....

scottishmummy · 24/01/2010 23:14

steady on serious enough to interrupt blue lagoon chips?

nah,he as tucking into his lardy chips and gabbing about the fitba - too busy to be disturbed by that fracas

cory · 24/01/2010 23:15

WashwithCare Sun 24-Jan-10 22:53:16

"Why anyone thinks I should have phoned DH and spoiled his work dinner, when I thought the police had already done what he woudl done anyway is beyond me."

Well, if anything ever happens to one of your children, let's hope noone spoils your work dinner. That would be such a shame, wouldn't it?

Janos · 24/01/2010 23:15

I expect that WWC was pushing the buttons on her phone when she called the polis, and that she expected a strong reaction from them when she did it.

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:15

but she had the chain on, DI, so was really quite safe!

differentID · 24/01/2010 23:16

chains aren't always as strong as you think.

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:17

I'm all admiration for a pg woman posting at pat eleven on a Sunday night with a 3 year old to get up for at 6.30....

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:18

Maybe not, but solidly handmade front doors are, in big old expensive houses....

northernlurker · 24/01/2010 23:18

Well apparently this chain - and this pregnant woman was quite strong enough.

Janos · 24/01/2010 23:20

Still. Polis in 7 minutes, in Edinburgh, on a Saturday night.

Wow.

lucky1979 · 24/01/2010 23:21

Am I included in the suspicious new posters? I've been feeding for the last 3 hours (damn cluster feeding/growth spurt/greedy baby) DH is watching the football, and this thread is currently the most interesting thing on AIBU. Don't care if it's real, I look on it as being the equivilant of the moral maze, as far as I know 90% of AIBU could be made up, at least WWC posts regular updates!

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 23:22

It's a learning process baby...

We have all learnt.

DSS has learnt that if he turns up on my door drunk and abusive, I will call the police and they will not indugle his silly behaviour...
and the consequences may be SCARY

I have learnt that is much more effiecnt to call the police, but also to inform DH that DSC has been arrested (again)...

Hopefully because DSC has learnt, we will not need to do it again... we shall see...

Had a long chat with my mom this afternoon... she says:

Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.

Wise words..

DH has come home and apologised for being an arse.

I think things will probably work themselves out. All good... but better than before anyway...

OP posts:
northernlurker · 24/01/2010 23:22

Yup Janos - those police were right on the button - considering they were responding to a complaint about shouting . Remember the neighbours could see bugger all as the houses are too far apart.

scottishmummy · 24/01/2010 23:23

would have thought all polis were in hooters show bar.examining crimes and nipples in a built up area

northernlurker · 24/01/2010 23:24

He's apologised for being an arse?

You are making it up and there's none more conclusive a proof than that little fabrication!

Janos · 24/01/2010 23:24

Oh well, if it was for shouting...

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:24

C'mon, everyone, whatever her faults, you have to admit that wwc is Queen of AIBU by stealth!

Post 293 on a thread to reveal he has been arrested before?

A record, surely!

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 23:24

By NigelTheWonderBoy Sun 24-Jan-10 23:17:25
I'm all admiration for a pg woman posting at pat eleven on a Sunday night with a 3 year old to get up for at 6.30....

Thanks - but the nanny arrives at 8am on Mondays...so I can have a long lie

OP posts:
northernlurker · 24/01/2010 23:25

I guess I won't be getting an answer to the Church tradition question. Maybe that bit of her spreadsheet is broken?

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 23:26

Lucky - good job on the cluster feeding - it is no fun at all, is it? I will be with you shortly no doubt!

And yes, it is all real - ffs, I couldnt' make it up if I tried!

OP posts:
NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:26

And all admiration for WWC mother, with her deeply insightful take on life...

dont wink at me, girl, you are a disgrace.

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