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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to "allow" DH's 15 yr old stepson to get arrested and spend a night in the cells?

501 replies

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 19:46

DH is not stepson's bio Dad, but lived with him between age 3 and 13, and has been in contact since and financially supporting his Mum and younger sister (also not DH's child).

Anyway, after a long saga of on-going hassles, and lots of soul-searching have in the last week really put my foot down, and inisted on a set of ground rules. I also have my DD (who lives with us f/t) and am about to have a baby (due 4/2) to think of. One of the new rules was that although DH is free to see his steps whenever he likes, and provide any financial support he sees fit - I didn't want them in our home near my kids (but I would review this in 6 mths).

So last night, DH is out for a work function. 10.30 pm, I notice stepson and another male I don't know walk up the path. They ring the bell - I ignore it. They are noisy and sound drunk/intoxicated... then tehy start shouting. I go down, answer the door on chain, say DH is not there, please go away.

Step son is hammered and screaming I'm a lying bitch as DH's car is in the drive (he took a taxi). Starts to boot the car, while his mates tries to talk him down. More screaming. I say, go now or I WILL call the police - manage to shut the door. I call the police,but whilst I am giving my address, they arrive. (2 other neighbours had called them).

I stay in doors, WPC comes into sit with me. 5 mins later, literally, they come into say the mate left and went home nicely, but stepson has been lifted. They ask if DH is the Dad - and I say no (and explain as above). Try to call DH, but get his voicemail - can't think what to say in a voice msg so say nothing about it. So go to bed, thinking this is not my problem.

Anyway, have found out today that police couldnt' contact DH's ex, so step son spent the night in the cells. DH is furious - he thinks I should have done more.

I think it's the mum's responsbility and although I think locking him up all night was OTT, I think I behaved reasonably.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:00

No she wouldn't Bof, she would have pretended that she didn't care about all our silly emotional attachment to onscreen persona, and would have been very gruff about it.

But we luv u SM!

Are we having a judgey, flouncy moment think you? or is it someone else?

northernlurker · 24/01/2010 23:01

But Nigel - she worked hard for that carpet you know!

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 23:01

Nigel
And while I agree who wants to deal with that stuff, sometimes you just have to. Its about being an adult. Pregnancy is no excuse for abandoning another child to the police and not informing at least one interested parent of the situation as soon as possible.

I didn't abandon the child. I simply decided the situation was more than I could handle, and I called the police so that they could deal with it.

It was up to the police to inform a parent, which they did, not me!

OP posts:
NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:02

Oh please, what is with all the heavily pregnant get out of giving a shit card about?

BitOfFun · 24/01/2010 23:02

Oh I know, Nigel- that was the beauty of my plan

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:03

You got him swept up like a piece of litter by the bin men.

And then went to bed.

Nice.

scottishmummy · 24/01/2010 23:04

pg doesn't exonerate behaviour,even mythomania

northernlurker · 24/01/2010 23:04

Don't forget op - you din't call the police - you started too but it took so long to give out your enormous name and address that your neighbour was able to call them and get them there before you had the chance to finish!

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 23:04

Meanwhile dittany back in the real world...

No one is stopping the children see DH - they have his mobile phone number... they can call him and suggest they meet in TFI Fridays FFS

OP posts:
Janos · 24/01/2010 23:04

Still highly impressed with the police call out times over here.

RGPargy · 24/01/2010 23:04

Haven't read the entire thread, but totally agree with what Vallhala said at the beginning. YANBU. You did exactly what was necessary.

SherriHewsonsNipple · 24/01/2010 23:04

is the op anna?

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:05

shall we do it anyway, Bof?

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:06

Am also loving all these brand new posters jumping to wwc's defence - you go girl!

northernlurker · 24/01/2010 23:08

I don't think so sherri - she hasn't criticised the stepchildren -sorry - the children who are not related to her or her dh at all - for being fat yet!

RGPargy · 24/01/2010 23:08

Brand new poster????

scottishmummy · 24/01/2010 23:08

how will Loretto's react to pupil getting lifted?didn't your on site security or moat deter dss and rab mcglinchey

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:08

at northernlurker! You can be the keeper of narrative cohesion...(but you might have to share with GeorgiaMama)

WashwithCare · 24/01/2010 23:08

No - you are right - police were very impressive, and very good when they arrived.

They also took the time to go speak to the 2 neighbours who explained it was an on-going problem, and have encouraged us all to phoen if necessary.

The police do often get a bit of a bad press, but tbh, they couldn't have been better.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 24/01/2010 23:08

Nigel- you do it, go on, I double dare you

dittany · 24/01/2010 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SherriHewsonsNipple · 24/01/2010 23:09

it wasnt les flics then

DreamsInBinary · 24/01/2010 23:10

Perhaps Brand New Poster was aimed at me, RGPargy.

I cannot see the point of abusing the OP. If you think she/he's a troll - wtf are you doing on here, other than polishing your troll-hunting credentials?

NigelTheWonderBoy · 24/01/2010 23:10

I take that back, RG...but do read the thread, its worth it.

babyicebean · 24/01/2010 23:10

Bored now