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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we losing the art of thank you cards / letters

187 replies

sheeplikessleep · 19/01/2010 11:18

I know I'm being pedantic, but am I the only one who thinks a printed, generic 'thank you for our presents' card isn't as personal as a little handwritten card or letter with reference to what the present was!

AIBU to think more effort should be put in?

OP posts:
aclare · 23/01/2010 10:25

Help! What are these acronyms you are all using??!! YANBU???
In any case, it is awful getting the kid to do thank you letters? The ones that can write get to do something in line with abilitym and the one that can't gets to scribble on the letter or card that I write. This is much faster. It then takes another 2 weeks to post the letters.....
I think we have only got one thankyou letter this year, from an oldie.
I realised that we stopped getting things from one family friend because I didn't do the thankyous after a child was born (and lots of other chaos going on), but we seem to have redeemed ourselves recently and I sent a letter this year, so we shall see what happens next Xmas!

tide · 23/01/2010 11:29

dear old-fashioned sticklers: what about the practice of giving hand written notes to your child's friend's parents when you see them in the playground the bvery next day? what's wrong with just saying thankyou, and something appreciative about the gift?

HeraldAngel · 23/01/2010 20:06

What's wrong is that the child needs to put some effort into it!

hf128219 · 23/01/2010 20:12

I've just remembered something. My cleaner turned 50 in November and I gave her a present. She got me the loveliest card and wrote a lovely note inside.

It really touched me

That's what thank you letters/cards/notes are for.

mummyingreen · 24/01/2010 21:04

Sheeplikessleep I can make you feel better that I DO expect a thank you for a gift. I write thank yous for dinner, stays at someone's house, gifts for birthday, Christmas, etc. All are handwritten and refer to the gift bought. I think we now expect gifts a bit too much for babies, weddings, etc so not to write, or worse, the generic thank you, is a bit ungrateful. I agree that this can be to do with upbringing and the 'circles' one moves in (some of my friends never send thank yous but I know them so well and know that they just don't send cards but do appreciate the present so they are forgiven!). My career taught me to write traditional notes so I got into the habit. If a friend of mine didn't send a thank you, I wouldn't think they were rude, but I couldn't not send one myself. I did like the idea of a half-filled out thank you for kids since this can be the most painful task ever. I get my 2 year old DD to scribble next to what I've written so people know it's really from her!

PfftTheMagicDragon · 24/01/2010 21:05

I'd be grateful for anything. We send them and then get nothing at all.

Mind you, if I started getting them, then I'd be complaining that they were typed or stickered, you can't please me!

Elasticwoman · 25/01/2010 10:15

My children have to send a personal message -either written or by email that has to mention 4 things: what the present was, something about the present, something about the giver (eg hope you are well)and some news or views from the recipient (writer). Trouble is, it is nearly the end of Jan and they are not all done yet.

tide · 25/01/2010 13:13

Herald angel: that's what I mean: the child saying thankyou to the person who gave it to them.

seems a bit superfluous to also get them to write a note and hand it over. Esp if what we're supposed to be teaching them is due gratitude, not just some archaic social code.

or.... perhaps it's unfair not to warn them that there are people out there who will mark them down if they don't respond in the correct fashion!!!

donkeyderby · 25/01/2010 13:45

I loath thank you letters and the whole middle class obsession with them. We had to do them as children, on pain of death, even if the person who gave you the present was in the same room when you opened it. We were the sort of family who were short on hugs and laughs but big on formality and protocol.

In my late teens, I was completely disorganised and never got round to thank you's. As a result of not sending a few owed to an old aunt, my Dad decided never to write to me again, (my mum who is an obsessive letter-writer used to put a gun at my dad's head and get him to slip in a note too every week).

I would much rather have the sort of relationship with my relatives where you can give them a quick bell or text to say thanks, rather than get out the Basildon bond and write some crap that you know has been extracted under duress.

I insist that my neices never send me a thank you letter and tell them I'll get cross if they do. We have a chat on Facebook or text if there's a thank you to be said, like friends do.

Unfortunately, I occasionally get a gun to my children's heads and get them to write thank you letters because I know how offended the old rellies get if they don't get thanked formally!

Housemum · 25/01/2010 16:17

I don't think it's just a middle class obsession - we were definitely working class or lower middle at best (rented house, nan a cleaner, mum a secretary) - but I had to get my thank you notes done ASAP.

sallyjaygorce · 25/01/2010 16:36

Agree with Housemum. Polite acknowledgement of generosity is not the preserve (or obsession) of the middle classes. My family are working class East Enders - with old school manners - that's where I get it from.

tide · 25/01/2010 20:22

at last! donkey derby you said it all so well and completely agree with you. thankyou.

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