Are we losing the art of thank you cards / letters

[sheeplikessleep]

I know I'm being pedantic, but am I the only one who thinks a printed, generic 'thank you for our presents' card isn't as personal as a little handwritten card or letter with reference to what the present was!

AIBU to think more effort should be put in?

YANBU in the slightest. Not sending a handwritten letter is is downright rude. A toddler can send a scrawly card; a 5-y-o can manage a straightforward picture and a 'thank you for the whatever, love whoever' ten times over. In due course, mine will have to do the 'newsy' thing too. If I don't get a proper thank you from other people's children, I don't give them presents again (and I tell my DCs that they won't get presents if they aren't prepared to go to the trouble of thanking the giver). Printed ones are not good enough.

(And I apply the same rules to myself!!)

I have just finished writing the "Thank You" notes for my baby's Xmas presents as it was her first Xmas and she was thoroughly spoilt by everyone.

I think it's MORE important to send Thank You notes to those people that have taken the time to send presents, if they cannot be there in person and do not see you/the child regularly. I think it's still as important to ensure that EVERYONE that gives a gift is thanked in some way or other, but a nice letter for those that live far away is a nice gesture.

(However on this occasion, as it's DD's first Xmas, I've written them to everyone that gave a gift!).

if i don't receive them then i usually send a 'thanks for inviting us" note instaed. it (very subtly) makes the point that i find it a bit rude to rec no acknowledgement after sending a gift

I have to say, other than for our wedding, we weren't big on thank you letters until DD came along.

I have this six-point list printed out in a box with stationery (grown-up and kids), stamps, etc. With a simple formula to follow, it's a pretty easy (albeit repetitive) job.

Incidentally, am I the only one whose older relatives (the ones for whom thank you letters are such a big deal) never seem to send us a thank you note? At what age does one become exempt?

I also was not brought up with thank you letters and I have mixed emotions on receiving them. Yes it is nice - though when the person has already thanked me in person it seems unnecessary. However, I then fear that they probably think I am very rude for not sending them lots of thank you letters for birthdays/dinner/coffee/every time we meet etc.

My compromise is that I have now started to send thank you letters after birthdays/Christmas, but only to those friends that send them to us, and so may be offended for not receiving one. Those that don't send us cards are excused (with a sign of relief..)

My dc sends thank you letters and I do like to receive them. However, I'm just as happy with a phone call or text (although it takes me a while to translate my niece's textspeak). This is mainly because I want to know that the parcel/cheque arrived.

The kids and I have always spent ages doing thank you cards for birthdays, Christmas etc. This year however, I have had it on my to do list since my son's birthday in November and haven't managed a single one. Time is the issue for me, not the thought!

"Why waste the trees when words will do just as well?"

You can send an email. And franky, unless you are hugely into saving the planet, don't take flights, don't do anything environmentally reprehensible whatsoever "saving the trees" is just an excuse people make to cover their laziness.

If you're so bothered about the environment that it offends your sensibilities to send a thankyou card then you should be telling people not to buy you a gift as they are generally unnecessary and use large amounts of natural resources in both manufacture and shipping.

Excellent points, Fibilou.

I'm still over the woman who tore up thank you letters in front of the children who wrote them. What a witch!

I was brought up to write thank you letters for birthday/christmas presents and staying with people. I used to hate writing and was terrible at doing them on time. I remember sometimes having relatives calling to say "I still haven't received a letter from you for x present, it's very rude etc" I am still racked with guilt about some letters I never wrote 15 - 20 years ago
I totally agree that its very rude not to send one but I'm still rather bad at it even though I really appreciate receiving one.
But now have DD am really trying to be more timely at writing. We try to do a hand/foot print plus a note from us as she's a bit too young to right them herself (17months!).
All our family write letters so it's very much noticed if one of us doesn't write. This year we received letters from our 6 year old nephews dictated by them but written by their parents. I thought it was lovely because they were written with "dictated by Charlie" at top and still with their own way of talking. Rather an efficient way of getting them out but still with the personal touch, I think.

Like PanicMode, I was brought up to believe that it was bad form not to. However, it bugs me that it matters so much to me - especially as it is very painful persuading three children to write thank you letters (one doesn't write yet and I enjoy the stage of him just doing a scribble at the end).

One friend in particular just gets her children to sign a copied letter and it does seem lazy.

I was always taught to write by hand, say one nice thing about the present you have been given and that was all that was needed, so I've tried to instil that in my children (with mixed results!).

I often don't receive thank yous from one set of nieces and nephews, and it's probably because they get so much stuff, they don't know who gave them what in their frenzy to open stuff. Which I find a bit distasteful and ungrateful anyway.

it is about upbringing. i was brought up to write to say thank you and think it is important when someone has made the effort to send something it is the least you can do, unless you have thanked on the phone or in person. I find it rude when people do not acknowledge something you have spent time buying, packing and sending and it is definately the exception- most of my friend's kids send some sort of thank you- even if it is just one line. you find the time to do the right thing i find. depends whether you think thanking people is an effort that is wrth making.

ditto!

vital to send a specific present related thankyou. if only to teach manners

What do you do if you can't persuade dc for love nor money to write thank you letters though? We spent 2 hours with 6yo ds1 last weekend trying to get him to do his writing homework, I did actually bribe him to do xmas cards for his teachers + TA. I just couldn't face getting him to write thank you cards for xmas and birthday presents (although I have only had one thank you card for birthday present he gave). I know grandparents are expecting/would like something but I've asked and got nowhere. He hates writing with a vengeance. Have got 3yo ds2 to do stamp-style card which I will write one, but this doesn't seem enough for a 6yo. So have done nothing and look v.rude

accessorizequeen- if he hates writing, could he type it on the computer? or take a digital photo of him with gift, print it up and encourage a short sentence? or maybe draw a thank you picture? I think you are right not to force the writing, but on the other hand, learning to write for a purpose can be beneficial.

I've not got to the end of the thread yet but I think YANBU at all. Thank yous should be more personal than 'thank you for your gift' so that the sender knows that it's appreciated, particularly when it's wedding and baby gifts in question.

When I was growing up, I wasn't made to write thank you notes but I did have to call every family friend to say thanks for their gifts.

I have a particular gripe with BiL/SiL who don't seem to have taught their children to say thank you for anything - but then they've not been taught about the word 'please' either. I've just sent some books to them via my MiL (they live in America) and I don't expect to even get a phonecall. We on the other hand are insistent that DD age 2.5 at the very least says thank you in person when she gets a gift. We've still not had a thank you for a baby present - baby born in July!! Have had to ask MiL who took the gift out whether they knew the present was from us or not.

It's all about simple manners and children in particular understanding that they are lucky to receive the presents they do - regardless of whether this makes me sound like a grumpy old woman!

singalong, thanks at least I don't feel so bad about him not writing thank you. I shall try and think of something that's not writing but personal from him that's not too, I really don't want to be thought of as rude, have obviously thanked people in person but want ds1 to be thankful for what he gets and say so. Feel I haven't brought him up right if he doesn't think writing thank yous is right thing to do. One day he might twig that writing is useful!

some of this has got to be time as someone else says, I am really struggling to get the basics done, getting children to do these things whether they can write or not is time consuming. I hope as children get older I can make time for it. Admire those on here who do it with such panache!

My DDs did thank you letters for all their gifts. They all sat down together at the kitchen table and had a long and apparently hilarious writing session while I was MNing studying. When I came to snoop check they had finished they had sealed every last letter so I have NO IDEA what they wrote in the blessed letters and can only cross my fingers and hope that it was vaguely polite/appropriate.

I have got a good one...

I had a card from a friend last year who had had a baby which said:
"Thank you for the stuff I got when I was born".
I have to admit, English is her second language (although she is more fluent in English than some English people), so I'm not sure if something was lost in translation, but even our other friend (English also second language, very fluent and from same country) saw the card and remarked that the wording was a little weird, even in their original language.

Still, I was pleased to get a card

I try to always do them, and am currently still working my way down the list for presents we received when DS was born 6 weeks ago.. I am handwriting them with acknowledgement for specific items though (and have made the cards myself), so hopefully people will understand why they're so late

I was brought up to write thank you letters for all birthday and Christmas presents, and still do. I handwrote all wedding letters the day after we got back from honeymoon, and everybody who gave my 2 DSs presents when they were born got a handwritten, individual letter too, and also for all birthday and Christmas presents.
I think it's not only polite to acknowledge when someone has spent money and time to give something, but these days it's so nice to get some post which isn't junk mail, bank statements or boring paperwork. I figure that as I love opening post which has a handwritten address on the front, then so will everybody else, and I've got no intention of changing my mind

don't get me started on this subject.....

It's my bug bear to not to get a thank-you. A generic one is better than nothing, I don't even get a text or a FB msg from my neices and nephews....really winds me up.

My kids do personalised letters.

Just how I was brought up I suppose (both parents teachers).

My family sends thank you notes or letters, hand written, or helped for the little ones. When they get loads at Christmas they lose sight of who sent what, so some letter writing remnds them of what they got from who.

I think life is very busy these days. So I think a generic one/txt message/fbmessage/email is really ok. But some sort of acknowledgement, def. I have a lot of friends with boys who say they can't possibly make them do thank you letters. I'm a bit about this as I think it reinforces gender stereotypes and is pants.

It may be 'unusual' to get or send thank you letters these days, but that doesn't mean it's ok. If someone's gone to the trouble to look for/make/buy and send or bring you a present, they jolly well deserve a proper thank you for it.

My two year old and I made thank you cards for all the christmas presents this year, and she enjoyed it. Obviously I had to write them for her, but there'll be no excuses on that front next year... =)