Are we losing the art of thank you cards / letters

[sheeplikessleep]

I know I'm being pedantic, but am I the only one who thinks a printed, generic 'thank you for our presents' card isn't as personal as a little handwritten card or letter with reference to what the present was!

AIBU to think more effort should be put in?

I'm worried now...

At what age does everyone expect dc to be able to write formal letters?

I have just sent out 14 sort of generic "thank you" cards in as much as dd did write in the name of each person, she signed each letter personally and added one appreciative line specific to that present.

At age 6, is she expected to write 14 complete letters by herself? (She only started learning to write in September - we live abroad)

I enclosed a hand-written letter from myself in each envelope as well though.

I thought I was doing rather well frankly until I came upon this thread

I do appreciate it very much when people write and say thank you, but I don't really care what form it comes in, whether an e-mail or a letter. It's the intention behind it that counts!

Also, I do send out lots of presents to extended family that are never acknowledged but I wouldn't stop sending them for that reason. It's slightly galling but I think it is equally bad manners if giving is contingent on receiving thanks.

'We?re another family for who the writing of thank-yous is absolutely non-negotiable, and if I didn?t get thank-yous from nieces/nephews/godchildren for 2 years running, the presents would stop, I?m afraid. It?s just basic good manners.'

Absolutely-I agree it is non negotiable. It has caused blood sweat and tears over the years (mainly mine!)but it has to be done. My DCs are often a bit late, but they get there in the end.If they get the present the least they can do is put pen to paper!

stillcounting you need to do whatever is the norm in your family and social circle, not what a load of people on the internet say

I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't understand why some people can't spend 5 mins writing a quick note to acknowledge a present or something that you've done for them. The DP of a friend of mine is unemployed at the moment so I went out of my way to spoil her around her birthday by getting her a very nice present, inviting other joint friends over when she visited and making a cake and opening some champagne and I haven't heard a thing. At the time she said "oh, you're too kind" and thanked me but I'm still somewhat that there hasn't been a follow up note (or call or email) given the time, effort (and money!) I put in. Oh, and as she's recently found out she's pregnant, I sent her home with all of my maternity clothes and new born baby clothes!

I feel better having got that off my chest!

I always write thank you's for gifts received and I've not seen the giver. ie at Christmas, I didn't see my sister and her family but received presents so wrote and thanked, but did see sil and didn't write.

I get the children to write all of theirs - someone said to me "it's not your present, until you've written your thankyou". Obviously I cheat a little, but that's a grown up's perk, but dc's do write them fairly quickly and it's never as bad as they like to think!

It's always nice to receive one too, which is what I try and remember when I'm writing mine.

My DS is 5 and he wrote 10 himself, i wrote the text and he copied it, nothing too onerous but thanking for the specific gift.

Just seen that this thread has made it on 'discussions of the day' - that has made my day

I get DS to write his out (he's 7 but has been doing it for a while now) and he is very good about it. I know people appreciate him doing it and it's good for him to learn.

I think thank you letters should be specific if possible, or failing that agree with blueshoes' and Hulababy's ideas (verbal/generic format with space for specific message).

One thing I do hate though, is getting any thank you letter written by the parents as if they were the child. If you have to write, tell me how they liked it adult to adult and sod the charade!

I write thank you cards. I love writing them and I love receiving them, though this is rare. I'm not put out that I'm the only person I know who does it. If the thank you is in person, via email or text or a letter, the sentiment is the same.

Haven't read all the posts but...YANBU. DD (aged 4) and I handwrite thank you cards for her and her brother's xmas and birthday presents, no matter how many there are. I think it's rude not to and people really like receiving them.
Yes, it takes us ages and it's one of the things that makes me glad I don't have to work F/T. Personally, I like having time for all the little family things which I regard as important.

I don't send thank yous for my own gifts as I usually get gifts just from OH and close family who I know don't expect a written thank you!

I'msonotelling

Thank you!!

In the light of this thread, couldn't not say that, could I?

I love that someone on here sits their DH down and makes him do them.

YANBU. We were taught to write thank you letters from a young age. It wasn't unusual to have all notes written by 11am on Christmas morning.

The night before birthdays & Christmas I write a list that has the name of everyone who has sent a gift and then have columns for the recipients so I can write in each box exactly what was received.

Manners don't cost anything..

When my DS was born I had written all my thank you notes before being discharged from hospital!! (I was determined that I didn't want them hanging over my head once I was home). I had bought lovely notepaper and loads of stamps weeks in advance.

So after my visitors left the hospital in the afternoon I would write the letters, address and stamp the envelopes ready for my H to collect in the evening. He posted them on his way home from the hospital that night. Repeated the process with gifts from evening visitors and had the envelopes ready to be handed to H when he came the next day.

One of the midwives laughed at me! Another seemed to think I was mad! One did point out that I should be sleeping when the baby sleeps!!

However DS was born on Monday and I was in hospital until the Friday. There was a lot of hanging around and time to read etc. So finishing the thankyou notes bought me some time once home.

I think it is all a pile of nonsense quite frankly. My familly have no expectations re: such cards. My Mum was horrifed at the thought DH had made our 3 sit down and write cards. I had a frank conversation with my SiL a number of years ago when she was unable to answer why it was so important. I and the children say Thank You not necessary go follow that up with anything else to my mind.

I also cringe when I get cards saying little Jocasta had such fun, not as much as mummy of course playing with my lovely, worthy fair-trade, hand crafted abacus. With cheesy photo on the front. Get a life. Not required. Besides which I am sure the maiden Aunt would much rather have a converation.

I wasn't brought up to write thank you cards, just to thank the present giver in person. I therefore think thank you cards are completely unnecessary and really can't understand why some people get so hyped up about it.

Just because people don't send a card doesn't mean that they aren't grateful. Why waste the trees when words will do just as well?

Apart from weddings I only ever receive thank you cards from one friend who was obviously brought up to do that. I'm never quite sure if I should thank her for her thank you card. Perhaps there should be cards for that too

I spent hours and hours writing personalised cards for all our wedding presents in the summer - over 80 cards in total! I made sure people knew what we planned to spend cash/vouchers on and mentioned the gift we were given in the card if we had a wrapped present! I think they were appreciated by everyone!

I will do the same for baby presents we get this summer too - although I do wonder where I will find as much time! Haha! It will just have to take me longer!

I'm not bothered if I don't recieve thank-you cards off other people though. It's just something I like to do!

We always write thank you cards from the kids - otherwise I think they'll just come to expect pressies and never say thanks.

I've noticed at parties, piles of pressies stacked up for little 'Lucy' and 'Harry' to open at their leisure. The mum doesn't say thanks - the kids don't even hand the pressies over- just leave them with the stash. Mmmmm, and then you hear folk moaning about how ungrateful their DC have become I'm sick of handing over pressies only to hear from the mother a week later saying in passing "Oh, she didn't have many presents that she liked, I'm going to get her to write a list next year and we'll email a gift list'

DS has sent thank you cards to all relatives for christmas, we've not received any from nieces/nephews. He's 3.8 so i obviously wrote the cards for him but he wrote his name on everyone.

I think it's nice to acknowledge that someone has gone to effort to get you a present. Although a simple thank you would be nice from DH's niece as she never bothers to even say it.

Well I think it is common courtesy and good manners to write them.

Of course you say 'Thank you' when you are given a present by a person. But in the hustle and bustle of things I bet you sometimes forget who has given what.

For birthday and Christmas presents we usually phone to say thank you and have a chat. When we married, we sent cards that were handwritten with a reference to the particular gift or kindness.
We used to send gifts by post every year to a family of 3 children for birthdays and Christmas. The parcels were never ever acknowledged so after about 5 years, we stopped sending them.
Our vicar's son managed to send out a wedding list but no acknowledgement of receipt of gift.
I think they're rude.

I spent what felt like half my honeymoon writing 40+ thank you letters for wedding presents - I made DH do his family ones (about 5) but I ended up doing the rest. But I was glad to get them done and I would never have considered not writing to everyone individually.

Since then I have been to four or five weddings and only received one thank you letter - from the Indian wedding with 300+ guests, and it was handwritten, which impressed me!

stillcounting the only people who clicked on this thread are the people who are obsessed with thank you letters. It's not a representative sample of society.

I just want to say that you should not expect anything of new mothers. I was so miserable after ds3 arrived that I hated the gifts I got and desperately wished I hadn't received them. It was a long time before I wanted the baby, let alone the congratulations or packaged 'joy'. I certainly didn't thank anyone (or talk to anyone or get out from under the duvet for ages really). Some people were cross about that, but I do think they should have realised that you don't always know what's going on with people.
That's different from teenagers who never acknowledge a gift.

On the other hand, I'd never ever go to a dinner party and not send a thank you card (or make a phone call if it was a very good friend, so a bit weird to send a card).

Gomez and MamaVoo, we'd previously said that if you've / your child has thanked in person, there is no need to follow up with a letter. my OP was more about instances where you send a pressie to someone you don't see that often, who replies with a 'thank you for your presents' generic printed card and there isn't any actual conversation. to reiterate, i would much rather have had a personal phone call or something personal in the letter, however it's communicated, its about the thought really.

i agree that thanking in person and then a card is a little ott and unecessary. but it was more about when the only thanks is that card and in some instances, when people don't get thanked at all, that i originally asked about.