Are we losing the art of thank you cards / letters

[sheeplikessleep]

I know I'm being pedantic, but am I the only one who thinks a printed, generic 'thank you for our presents' card isn't as personal as a little handwritten card or letter with reference to what the present was!

AIBU to think more effort should be put in?

and mine are handwritten, but only becuase we don't have a printer at the moment!

we do thank you's, haven't yet as we wait till after dd's birthday (early jan) and do christmas/birthday at the same time. have never had a thank you card from other kids in the family, nieces and nephews though.

I think it is lovely to receive a handwritten thank-you note, whether for gifts or entertaining, and know they are appreciated, particularly by older generations. In a few years time, I will be encouraging our little one (who arrives in May) to write thank-you notes.

But I think the important thing is not necessarily that a note has to be handwritten, but that you say 'thank you' in a way that is personal, and shows that you appreciate the time and thought that has gone into choosing a gift. So these days, an e-mail or typed letter would do the job.

If kids are really reluctant to sit down and write something, or are too young, why not try getting them to record a short video-message or voice-memo on your phone or computer, and add it as a file attachment to an e-mail. As long as the thanks is genuine, and the message is personal rather than generic, I'm sure that would be just as well-received by most people.

inkyfingers - DD sends thank you cards to all who have sent her a gift, event hose we have seen and thanks in person It is easier that way, to avoid missing anyone out. Besides, it is mostly family and our thank you card involves a reent nice photo, which family always like regardless.

I agree if face to face no need otherwise good idea to esp for olds.

I personally have a stationery fetish so adore an excuse to send a thank you card. Getting the kids to do scores after birthdays/Xmas is a drag but so is teaching them manners in general.

As a parent I seize the opportunity to get ds to practise handwriting by making thank you letters a necessity, although the production line "chez nous" is fairly slow and our final Christmas thankyou letters were posted last week. If a child can write their own letter to Father Christmas then they should be able to manage (with assistance) to write thankyou letters where appropriate.

I do however think that a 'phone call or even an e-mail is suffient to say thankyou between adults. It's the fact that you clearly took the time to say thank-you by whatever means were the most appropriate (let's face it Great Aunt Joan is probably really going to appreciate a handwritten letter whereas Aunty Sue will be happy with an electronic thank-you).

I think the social skill element in in knowing what is the most apporpriate form of thank you for any particular individual who has given you something, be it a gift or perhaps help when you needed it and ensuring that you do convey your thanks after the event if you werwe unable to do so at the time.

Sometimes though it isn't about the thanks, but knowing your present actually got there.

For example, I emailed a voucher for one godchild to her mother, have since spoken to the mother on the phone and been told that said child had great fun picking out a present and wears it all the time. I don't care if I don't get a thank you from the child, I know they got the present and like it.

For another godchild, I have for years carefully chosen presents and traipsed to the post office to send them, and the last couple of years I've had no acknowledgement back. This year, no presents were sent. It wasn't about the thanks frankly, a text from the parents saying thanks for the parcel for X it arrived today, would have been absolutlely fine, but as it was I really don't know if the presents were making it there or not and can't phone to check as it looks like I am accusing them of bad manners (which they have).

YANBU except for new baby presents.

I hand wrote my wedding ones. took me aaaaaaaaaages.

After an unplanned CS and generally feeling like crap with new baby, I didn't feel too bad not doing it, I was when BIL and SIL sent hand written one with baby less than 3 weeks old!.

We did make quite a nice one with pics of new S, took a bit of effort. So it was hand made, technically

I used to always write thank you letters for every gift when I was young, I'm probably worse now.

I live in Sussex

Not far away then. It is odd isn't it how social conventions are so different. I wonder why.

Not been sitting her waiting for your reply BTW, just got back from nursery and catching up with thread!

YANBU - DD1 enjoys "writing" (she's only two so simply addes her own scrawl) thank you cards. I don't expect to receive them though.

my 3 yo dd ( first two letters of her name H and O ) signed her Xmas thank you cards Ho Ho Ho

Onlyaphase I know what you mean about acknowledging that your gift actually arrived. We went to a wedding in the summer (July) and left our gift (vouchers in an envelope) on a table provided for the purpose. We eventually got a thank you note from the couple - on 23rd December! Until then I'd been really worried that maybe our present had somehow gone astray. It was quite a lot of money and I just wanted to know it was safely with them. But I couldn't bring myself to ask - they're extended family who I just don't see much and wouldn't ring up out of the blue - as I didn't want to look like I was demanding my thank you card.

In general, I DO write thank you cards for gifts but probably more for the older generation (presents from aunties, godmother etc who appreciate/expect it more than, say, my own friends). I wouldn't send one if I'd opened a gift in front of someone though. And with close family (my sisters) or friends, I would usually just text or call to say thanks. I would never ever let a gift go unacknowledged - and I'm afraid I really do notice when others do.

Spent hours writing my own wedding thank yous, trying to make each one different and personal - the effort (and expense) people go to to share your wedding with you deserves a little attention in return and I absolutely hate getting a two sentence generic scrawled thank you that you just know is sitting on every other bugger's mantelpiece too. Yes, it takes time, but so what?

When my baby arrives, I expect I will do it all again.

BTW, putting all your effort into making up fancy cards with photos on and then just signing a brief greeting on the back is worse than not bothering at all. Just looks like you took the opportunity to show off your baby/wedding dress again. Like the card was more for your benefit than theirs... IYSWIM.

For me and my dd's a Thank you in any shape or form is basic manners. Whether it is a phone call or a note ( with her picture / scribble or her initials ( she is 3)it is essential.
My neices have never bothered to ring to thank me - I ring them on their birthdays and they ususally say thank you .
I help them for now and will continue to ensure that a thank you in some shape or form will be done .

YANBU.

I really don't think it takes that much effort to write a little note and put it in the post, it doesn't have to be an essay or anything.

If it really isn't possible to send a handwritten note I do think you should ring to let the person know you received whatever gift it was.

It's just plain good manners to say 'thank you'.

I am another one who will be insisting DS does his as soon as (or before) he can write. I don't know how many he will need to do though - I am with the 'if they saw you open it and you said thank you then no need for a letter' brigade - and he does see most people who give him presents. This year we had 8 to do - godparents, great uncles, cousins once removed, friends and nursery who gave him presents before Christmas. DH and I did roughly half each, and I got cross because he missed out the 'sentence specific to the present' section. It isn't difficult - I get photo cards printed which are wonderful, so you don't need to write more than a side of notepaper, really, something along the lines of 'Dear X, Thank you for much love xxx

My family write thank you letters/cards to those people who give us gifts but whom don?t get to see us open them. If gifts are opened in front of the giver then they are thanked immediately but I wouldn?t expect my 5-year-old to follow this up with a letter unless she particularly wanted to (she does sometimes, especially if the pressie was something related to writing/drawing). Her thank you letters are very simple and sometimes require translation (I?ve written before about her writing to her uncle to thank him for her ?strip tits? which were actually a pair of striped tights!) but I think it?s important that she takes a few minutes to thank each person who?s been kind enough to spend their time and money on a gift for her. I enjoy receiving thank you letters too but not all my sisters-in-law feel the same so these days we send birthday cards but give gifts in person, often months after a birthday, so that our DD witnesses a verbal thank you and is less likely to come out with, ?you are rude because you never write and say thank you for presents... Mummy says if I can?t be bothered to write then I have to give the present back so you should give back the X that we gave you last year? at an unfortunate moment. DD has an incredibly good memory so would know exactly what the gift had been.

I enjoy writing Thank You letters (does this make me a nutter?!)

Often Christmas/Birthdays/Weddings are so hectic you don't have time to really enjoy each present. So when I write the Thank You, I usually have the thing in front of me, and really think about it and the person who gave it. (We were given a bread knife by an Aunt for our wedding, and I am still grateful when we use it now, 7 years on.)

That said, with a toddler and another on the way, the letters get written late at night with quite a lot of crossings out, and scribbly bits!!!

agree totally with OP - it's something I get on my high horse about - it wouldn't occur to me not to write.

This is a timely thread for me. I haven't had a thank you letter from my god-daughter for any birthday or Christmas presents for about three years and I am getting sick of it.

This year I bought her a freshwater pearl necklace and bracelet and sent them recorded delivery, so I know they arrived.

Not a sausage from her, so that's it. No more presents. Thing is, do I explain (don't know how exactly) why she's not getting anything in future, or just send a card from now on? I don't see her very often as she lives in Wales and I'm in Surrey.

seabright - I would give her a set of thank you cards for her next birthday

Have just done about 20 for dd's Christmas and birthday presents.

In our family, if someone gives you a present and you unwrap it and thank them nicely when you're there, you don't need to do a thank you letter. I kept all dd's Christmas drawings (there were dozens from school) and then wrote a short note on the back, and she added "thank you", and signs her name (she's just 5). For her birthday ones, I made cards and she added stickers to the front, then she wrote "thank you" on the front.

I think it's really important. I explained to dd that people go to a lot of trouble to choose something she'll like and then wrap it and post it, and that it's therefore kind to recognise that by sending a thank you letter.

I confess that we don't send cards to everyone - friends of mine I tend to call, and ask her to say a quick thank you. I think elderly relatives are particularly important, as are people we don't know very well. I think it's as much to teach dd about the importance of being grateful for gifts as it is about the recipient receiving a letter.

Seabright, do you speak with her parents? If so, I would drop something in like 'hope she received the present, I wasn't sure she had?'

I agree it's incredibly rude, but I have a friend who fell out very badly with her sister over the not sending of thank you cards, and I'm just not sure it's worth ruining relationships over!

I am a stickler for writing thank you's (wedding, baby presents, birthdays etc)

This year to my shame, I did type most of the thank you's (adding specific reference to gifts, therefore trying to make them individual) I also included a photo of dc, where possible with the present the giver had sent.

I felt rather sad that I had not done the same as previous years but I just wanted to get them done, also I wanted the giver to be able to read them!!

Sometimes, dd will sign her name (she is 4)

I always receive a hand written thank you from my aunt no later than 28th December. I feel the pressure although, she is retired and has lots of time on her hands.

I have received one other written thank you for a friends ds present.
In fact, I am not sure I received many verbal thank you's

I keep a stack of nice postcards in a box with a couple of books of stamps in there too. It's not that hard to pull one out and scribble a few sentences of thanks for a present/dinner at someone's house/favour, then stick it in the post.

I don't really expect them from other people, but I'm always touched when someone's gone to the (admittedly not that epic) bother of putting pen to paper. Makes me 100% more inclined to repeat whatever it was that precipitated the note.