To DEMAND the birth I want not what I have been told I can have??

[BigMomma3]

No am not selfish or reckless or irresponsible btw, but as this WILL be my last baby (4th) I want a good experience without the intervention of harrassed midwives and arrogant doctors that I have had before. I hate the feeling of losing control over what to do with my own body and my experience of staying in hospital after birth has been terrible . I have been told I am high risk so will have to give birth in hospital, cannot use birthing pool etc la la la. The reasons I am high risk are:

1. Previous pre-eclampsia at 39+5 weeks (1st baby 13 years ago) so was induced with no pain relief (too terrified to have an epidural), very painful, midwife telling me to quieten down and trying to get me to lay on my back with legs in stirrups (most indignified way to give birth ever). Pre-eclampsia may or may not happen again, even 'low' risk women can get this.
2. DD2 had serious problems which we found out about at 30 weeks so was stillborn after doctor did a sweep in induce labour(again doctor grabbed my legs to get me in stirrups, telling me that I should be looking forward to having this baby (did not bother reading notes before she came in) . Now they have put down that I have a history of premature birth due to this when it was initiated on purpose . Obviously any problems with this baby would be picked up before the birth so it's really irrelevant.
3. History of twins (DSs1&2) - why does that make me high risk? Obviously I would not go into labour not knowing whether I am having 1 or 2 babies so that should not really affect the birth either.
4. Previous c section - that was elective due to twins being in wrong places - nobody will know if I will need one again until the last few weeks or so of the pregnancy.

Obviously if I have any issues with blood pressure, heart rates etc I will do as I'm told but I object to being told by my midwife 'oooh I doubt they'll let you do that' when I said I wanted as 'back to basic's' a birth as possible with an ideally, HOME VBAC water birth. So AIBU to march into my consultant's office next week and tell him how I want it to be and stick to my guns unless problems arise that need intervention??

I think they do have to send a midwife, if you ring and say, I'm in labour and the baby is coming NOW, but they don't have to plan a homebirth for you. Or at least they make you think they don't.

I'm very sceptical about the whole "you have the legal right to give birth wherever you want thing" after DS2 - I was excluded from the midwife led unit by reason of a previous c-section - I pushed hard for it, saw three consultants, a consultant midwife and head of department, number of meetings and discussions, but they absolutely woul not budge. I do wish I had saved my energy, as it was a frustrating experience, and I felt like I had "failed" - especially as everyone (non medical) I spoke to about it had encouraged me to challenge the hospital policy, push for what I want - they just would not do it, even though I was much more assertive and confident dealing with them this time round.

In the end, I had another section, so it was a waste of time anyway!

I feel a little sick reading this thread
IMO the only good outcome is a live mother and baby, but it seems that some would disagree with me!

I'm not going to even get dragged in as I suspect I will get lynched!

Would however like to point out, that independant midwives are not indemnified like all the doctors and nurses in the NHS, so if god forbid anything goes wrong with a HB with an independant MW, then you have no recourse whatsoever for financial help caring for a possibly disabled child.

Professional Indemnity Insurance
Independent midwives do not have professional indemnity insurance available to them. All midwives were covered by the Royal College of Midwives (RCM) indemnity scheme, regardless of their area of work up until 1994. However, in 1994 the RCM withdrew insurance cover from independent midwives amidst much controversy. Although there were one or two insurers willing to offer cover at first, the premiums rose to £15,000 per midwife per year and the number of providers fell over the next few years until 5 years ago, the last provider withdrew from this market and since then there has been no insurance available to independent midwives in the UK. Four years ago, the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) proposed to make insurance a ?requirement? for registration; a campaign then resulted in it becoming a ?recommendation? and every midwife practising without insurance therefore has an obligation to make the implications of the situation clear to every client she or he books.

The implications of Independent Midwives not having indemnity insurance is that in cases where a baby may be born damaged there would be no financial recompense via an insurance company.

macdoodle I agree now. Since DS2, I see labour and birth - whether natural or surgical - as just something you have to go through to get the baby out safely.

"IMO the only good outcome is a live mother and baby, but it seems that some would disagree with me!"

Nowhere on this thread has anybody said that. Utterly silly thing to say.

It's incredibly patronising to say a woman who has "read a few books" is unable to judge where she would want to have her baby.

"Hormonal women can be downright thick?" OMG.

BigMomma3,

I know exactly how you feel. I am 12+3 with little button and had EMCS with DS1 20 months ago. I have read up a huge amount on the risk of uterine rupture and even my own hospital says it is only a 0.3% risk. That is not to negate the possibility of it happening, but it needs to be put in perspective. My first midwife appt was awful. I was told I 'would be' continuously monitored and have to have a drip in "just in case". I then said I wanted a home birth and was then miraculously offered birthing pool, low risk unit - basically anything at all to get me into hospital... I am now speaking to a different hospital with a specialist VBAC team and they seem much more supportive of me having a 'normal' intervention free birth, and are supportive of me having a home birth.

I think it is worth trying a different hospital if you can and ask if they have a specialist VBAC midwife you can speak to. IME they are MUCH more supportive.

Hope this helps and the very best of luck.

x

Dandelion - this thread is over 15 months old, so I suspect that BigMomma3 has had the baby by now.

I have to say that I hadn't realised either that it was an old thread, and was going to come on and suggest that asking for a home birth might lead to the outcome you describe - being able to use the home from home unit - as you said - anything to getg you into hospital.

I hope that you get the birth that you want - I had homebirths with both ds2 and ds3 (though not after caesarians), and they were both such good experiences, even though I had very long labours both times (my 'best' labour was 20 hours long, and ds1 took 37.75 hours to make his entrance). Someone on the thread mentioned homebirth.org - I haven't looked, but maybe they have a VBAC homebirth section. Anyway - the best of luck for your birth and the arrival of dc2.

OP, you are entitled to give birth at home is you wish. YOu should write to the supervisor of midwives at your local hospital, TELL them this and require that they provide a midwife to attend you. If you want to use a pool you can use one. I had DS2 at home, to begin with I tried to find a GP who would attend, but my own said as I was a solicitor he would not come because if anything went wrong I would sue him. I got some advice from an organsation called AIMS (not sure if they still exist) they gave me the template letter to write to the hospital. Hospital provided two lovely midwives, no problems with birth.

The danger of bumping old threads.

I'd be interested in hearing how it went op if you're still here?

Dear OP

I do hope you've had the baby by now, otherwise you will be in the Guinness Book of Records

FP x

[cwink]

Or she will have exploded?

no update since 18/03/10. (yes, i am that bored, and nosey)

hope it all went well op if you're there?

I cant believe i read through that whole thread without realising it was over a year old!

I wonder how it worked out in the end?

Don't worry, darlene - I read almost all the thread before realising how old it was too - and was meditating my reply to the OP until I realised the advice was probably unneccessary by now! [cblush]

We should blame it on the fact that we have so much else on our minds! [cgrin]

Yes, YABU and selfish, sorry. It's not about you, it's about your baby's safe entry into the world. Your post is all about YOU. Your baby and his or her safety is not mentioned.

Please be assured that though you might like to think you know better than the medical staff, you don't, and neither do most of the other mums on here who will encourage you to ignore medical advice and go with what you want. Shockingly irresponsible.

Such a sense of entitlement, please stop obsessing about your rights and focus on your responsibilities. I too am pg with no.4 and had an awful hospital birth experience for no.3. Not for a minute would I consider ignoring medical advice to get the birth I wanted rather than the one I need to have.

Ok just realised this thread is very old. I hope you did the right thing. Please remember that we are incredibly fortunate to have the care we do in this country. Those of you who go on about the medicalization of childbirth might like to take a look at this film

www.whiteribbonalliance.org/resources.cfm?a0=video&play=BirthandDeath

and feel ashamed at your spoilt, western attitudes. People forget that the primary outcome of birth is a healthy baby. You can manipulate the home birth stats all you like (which by the way do not compare like for like) and choose to believe that hospitals are awful places full of evil doctors and midwives determined to slice and dice you; or you can act like a responsible mature adult and act on the advice you are given.

When I hear about women like you DEMANDING the 'birth they want' and challenging the doctors who have degrees and years of experience I just feel sickened.

With regards to them being legally obliged to send a midwife out if you insist - do they keep spare ones in a cupboard or where do they come from?

Firstly let me say how sorry about your DD, and YANBU to refuse stirrups its not 1811, and no one should tell you what position you should be in when you give birth, but and there is always a but

you won't get a home birth, (well i doubt any midwife would take responsibility for you both) with your obstetric history, lets be honest ypu have had a hell of a time, and i do sympathise, but, you would be taking a huge risk, with both you and your babay.

What if something went hugely wrong? You could be signing your own death warrent, and I know I will get flamed for this but in the worst case it could happen.

However, check out all your local maternity hospitals, you may be suprised, not all the rooms are clincal now, ask to visit have a look around speak to the staff.

I gave birth to my dc on all fours and the last one on the antenatal ward, the staff were fantasic, they do exist honestly.

I posted not previewed duh!! I hope all goes well for you xxx

i had 2 homebirths and both times the community mw delivered my babies

Have your thought about requesting a meeting with a consultant mw at the hospital.

I was in a similar situation to you and did this. We met for about 1 hour and talked things through. It was a positive meeting and we reached a compromise with give and take from both of us but it was still an agreement that I was happy with. The consultant mw needed to be sure that I understood the implications of declining some interventions which is understandable she didn't press her views rather, she made sure that I understood why they might want to do somethings and what might happen if they didn't.

In the event I had to have an emergency cs for a completely unexpected reason but that was just one of those things. I would still recommend that you explore it all and you've got a lot of time to do it.

heather 1980, i doubt you had a similar history to OP, cmw are willing to deliever at home if all is going well and the pregnency is low risk, you can have pain relief at home, but if medical intervention is needed in an emergency situation even a few miles can seem like a very long way away

Threads like me very worried.A group of mums , mostly without any medical training, armed with a few anecdotes and a bit of internet research telling you to go against medical guidance.

"Threads like me very worried.A group of mums , mostly without any medical training, armed with a few anecdotes and a bit of internet research telling you to go against medical guidance."

I agree wotnochocs but I guess we'll get flamed for saying it. Mum's know best regardless of medical training is the spiel these days and it's almost anathema to say otherwise.

As a clinical negligence lawyer myself the medical profession would not advise a VBAC at home i water given that medical hisotry.

One of the first cases I worked on years ago where the mother had history of complicated pregnancies and the hospital was sued for not monitoring her closely enough. Her baby died.

But low and behold there will always be someone who is furious for being monitored too closely with every precaution taken for her and her baby's wellbeing.

Just saw my old thread resurrected! My chubby 9 mo old DS3 is currently looking at me with his massive brown eyes!

In the end I had a hospital VBAC and it was the best birth experience I have had. I was induced with a one prostin and was in labour within 2 hours with DS born 2 hours and 11 minutes later. Monitoring was not constant so I could walk about intermittently, also able to walk around the bed when monitor was on as they had long leads. I did not have a cannula nor did I have any vaginal examinations. I managed with gas & air only and the midwives were fantastic. DH even missed the birth as it was so quick. He'd nipped home to check on the older DCs. I must say that I made it clear that I did not want any unnecessary interference at my consultant appointments and luckily my hospital obliged. All in all an amazing experience and I am still riding high on it!

sparkly pregnant woman or whatever your name is, so I had a sense of entitlement because I did not want to give birth feeling like a machine. What a ridiculous thing to say. It is my body and I have a say over it, childbirth or not. Of course I would never put my baby at risk but some doctors do go over the top about the risks just to cover their own arses in these days of scurrilous litigation over everything (which should be stopped) and they do not always know best. What a ridiculous post. Why don't we all knock our homes down and build shacks instead so we can live like people in other countries and stop our gas and electricity supplies as well. You go first as you seem to think we should be ashamed of what we have in this country and just blindly do as we are told.

gkys my answer was in reply to WidowWadman question as to who delivered babies in home births. i wasn't commenting on the ops original question