to be angry at the rejction letter my friend got?

[KayloHalo]

My gay friend, a male, recently enquired about becoming a midwife.

He received a letter back saying (i don't it know word for word) unfortunately we would be unable to accept you onto the midwifery course as we currently only accept ladies.

I'm sure there was more to the letter than that but that was the bit that upset him.

I'm probably biased but I think he would be a great midwife - midhusband? - because he has a great bedisde manner - he's hillarious when you need a boost/cheering up but he's sooo serious about his career.

I just find it so unfair that he's been rejected because of his gender. He almost more female than I am ffs!!

I know there are male midwives out there - where does he go from here?

Do the people who cares preferences go out the window in the event of an emergency?

I don't know why people are being so aggressive about people who prefer female practitioners for intimate examinations.

Obviously I would rather have a male practitioner than die (!) but in a non emergancy situation, if there is a choice, I prefer a woman.

I find it hard to understand why people find that hard to understand TBH.

Lots of services understand this which is why for smears at our practice they tell you if it is a man working that appointment and ask you if you would prefer a woman.

It is hardly unusual.

Triggles - if there is a man on the roster, it is unlikely in the extreme, that you will be able to request a woman.
So there is no choice, and that simply isn't right.
Anyone can be unprofessional, but the way I described is something that will only affect me if it's a man. And what if I had not had the choice to go to another hospital to avoid this particular man? I simply do not need these kind of male ego issues if I am in the middle of giving birth!

I don't see why there is so much aggression directed at the people who have expressed a preference for a female midwife. Who are you to judge if a labouring woman prefers a woman with her at this time? Just because you're ok with a male midwife (good for you) others aren't (for completely understandable reasons) and should be offered a choice.

Am slightly amazed this thread has roused so much argument. Are all 92 UK male midwives logged onto MN at the moment?!

Scottishmummy you were a bit OTT late last night I couldn't really fathom what the posters had done to annoy you sooooooo very much. Can see why you were a bit cross but, be fair, surely women in labour have the right to their personal prejudices just for one day?

There is nothing wrong with wanting a female for personal examinations if they are just routine and non emergency, the woman might have her reasons such as religion, rape, uncomfortable etc which should of course be respected, however if there was an emergency that is a differnt thing altogehter, the professional would have other people there too not on their own.

And another thing... bit daft to say "is it also selfish of women to want to be doctors in case they encounter male patients"! Midwives deal exclusively with women. Female doctors do not deal exclusively with men and their willies, do they?

And, I think most of those who said they didn't fancy having a male midwife, accepted that they wouldn't mind the gender in an emergency - kind of goes without saying unless you're soft in the head, no?

Just as if a man needed a personal exam, he might prefer a male practitioner.

I personally would not mind, but some do and need to be respected is it quite embarassing for some people to have their fanjos probed and looked at anyway but even more if the professional was male. Emergencies not included though, you get what you are given and fair enough.

How would those who don't w\ant to be examined by a male midwife feel about a female homosexual midwife, I wonder...

I had a male MW while being induced with DC1. He was very kind and lovely, I tried so hard to override my emotional response, but when he was about to do another gel, I completely broke down. He was understanding and found a female MW to do it.

The following day, a male SHO was about to apply another gel, I was exhausted, sobbing, terrified, all the hall marks of a badly managed hospital birth. He laughed at me. He refused to let the female MW apply the gel. He did the procedure with me crying my eyes out, panicking and terrified. I felt absolutely violated, it was horrible. I am sure it contributed to the birth trauma.

There was zero communication in that unit. I did not want to explain to every person I met that actually I am very uncomfortable with male practitioners and why. I had already explained it to the MW I had booking into the labour unit, and it was in my notes.

I believe that male MW - fine. Mine was lovely. But I could not cope with him touching me or doing intimate examinations.
Women should not have to explain themselves if they prefer a female. After all, you don't have to give a reason if you want to change your female MW to another.

Well said NaccetyMac women should not feel they have to tought out a situatiojn that makes them feel uncomfortable just to humour the PC brigade.

I am absolutely certain that all the male midwives working in the UK are fantastic, sympathetic, professional men doing a job they love - and they probably trying even harder than most to be those things because of the resistance they face.

However, the best of them will also understand that despite this, some women will just have an intrinsic horror of the idea of being touched in their private parts by a man. It's just the way it is. So terribly unfair to judge or criticise those women for feeling that way or make fun of them.

I'm not saying that people can't have preferences. I'd like to think that in an emergency situation, people are mature enough, of course, to realise that they may have to just deal with a male midwife if need be.

I AM saying that it is wrong to say that men that want to be midwives are selfish. That's rubbish.

And using an example of a crap male midwife doesn't really sway me. There are plenty of crap female midwives. (Just as there are plenty of great ones, both male and female, I'm sure)

There are many midwives who are male (and quite a few gay midwives too). In fact, about 20 years ago the lobbyist/parliamentary advisor for the RCM was male - ex-midwife - and very good he was too.

Have you actually seen the letter? Are you sure it's not an excuse because your friend has changed his mind, or didn't make the grade for some other reason?

Would it bother you to have a lesbian female midwife? Why not a male one then? As they both prefer women?

It's not to do with thinking the person wants to have sex with you starberries

I don't think the people on this thread who prefer female practioners for intimate examinations think that every person they meet whose sexual orientation includes women wants to have sex with them.

It's nothing to do with thinking that practitioners of either gender have any interest other than professional in their job.

It is to do with the fact that, rational or not, when I've got to take my knickers off, lie down and spread my legs, and have people stick things up my vagina, if I have the choice, I prefer a woman to do it.

But why?

Well that's the thing, it's not a rational thing, it's an emotional thing. To do with not wanting men sticking foreign objects inside me I suppose.

I expect there are as many reasons as there are women, each woman has her own background, upbringing and life experience.

I don't think there is anything wrong with preferring to have a female midwife.

However, it is totally wrong to suggest male midwives are selfish or go into it because they want to look at vaginas. What pathetic and childish arguments.

Look there is nothing wrong with requesting a female MW at all, its nothing to do with whether they are gay/straight etc, of whether females are better at it than men no way, front what i have read on here the male MW sound fantastic and i would love to have one if i have another dc, its to do with familiarity with haviing a fellow woman to do the job. what do you say to women who have been raped then! or who for cultural reasons have to have a female, or someone who simply is uncomfortable with men in general, could have past experiences for this (abuse,assault, psychological reasons)

I had a big male doctor who did my cervical sweep, i honsestly did not give a jot all that i cared about is that it bloody hurt, but for some it is uncomfortable having a male so they should have their wishes requested if there are the staff to do so.

But the reality of the situation is that once the men are there, there is no choice.

Except a man, who wants to prove that he is as good as the woman that I, the patient, would prefer to have.

Sorry, I stick by the selfish comment.
In an ideal world, everyone would be able to choose, and it wouldnt apply. But we live with reality.

ImSoNotTelling said it perfectly, why the gay issue is a red herring. Its not about sex.

Erm I had a midhusband - I was initially worried - but he was THE greatest - complete laugh and put us all at ease.

I'm sure they cannot reject on the grounds of sex?

it is illegal to discriminate on grounds of gender
quotas are illegal