to be angry at the rejction letter my friend got?

[KayloHalo]

My gay friend, a male, recently enquired about becoming a midwife.

He received a letter back saying (i don't it know word for word) unfortunately we would be unable to accept you onto the midwifery course as we currently only accept ladies.

I'm sure there was more to the letter than that but that was the bit that upset him.

I'm probably biased but I think he would be a great midwife - midhusband? - because he has a great bedisde manner - he's hillarious when you need a boost/cheering up but he's sooo serious about his career.

I just find it so unfair that he's been rejected because of his gender. He almost more female than I am ffs!!

I know there are male midwives out there - where does he go from here?

Treedelivery - at the risk of getting virtually bashed over the head again - there is a male midwife working at a birthing centre near us. A girl I work with wants to have her baby there but is really anxious and uncomfortable about it. She doesn't think he'll be getting off on the sight of her crowning fanjo, I'm quite sure of that. She just feels funny about it - by the way, the other girls who were around at the time she told us about this all had similar reactions so it can't be that unusual.

Anyway, she called the place to check that she could ask for a female midwife on the day and they said that was absolutely not possible. As a result, she has decided to ditch the birth centre idea and is now going for the local hospital instead. Which she is gutted about.

I just think that's a shame. She also said that the place, though lovely, is massively underused - maybe this is a reason why.

Scottishmummy go to hell. You don't know the first thing about me yet you are very quick to insult me and jump down my throat for simply expressing a view that differs from yours.

FFS, go away if you can't be polite.

amazing you have all these anecdotal quips all about male midwives oh and someone you know too.handy that.to support your points.

are you losing it because pants on fire.did a male midwife with a lighter torch em

Avoiding direct questioning? You asked me one ridiculous question - something about did I presume bullying or aggression or sinister motices and I answered it. And I answered it. Said no. What more do you want?

what do i want?less high octane anecdotal chuff might help

you get het up mighty easily. .so far you have lost it,told me to go to hell.i have not retaliated at all,nor shall i

however,suggest you think about your projections of frustration and aggression.you seem easily aroused in mood.which you externally attribute to me.curiously not yourself.funny that

why are you so het up

because you telling me to go to hell make you look volatile - not me

Instyle. I think its very unfair of you to post such specific information and quite possibly identify someone on the basis of your own speculations and prejudice.

I don't think you've even gone into any coherent reasons why you feel so strongly and I agree with scottishmummy, its all a bit high octane.

I agree with you InStyle, I would not want a male midwife myself. Of course I don't think that men shouldn't be let on the course but I reckon lots of women wouldn't want a male midwife - maybe they don't want to say it on this thread when someone might then have a go at them!

would a male gynaecologist also be declined?

The letter sounds a load of cock to me.

"but I would have wondered what was in it for him"

Probably a pay cheque & the satisfaction of knowing he helped a baby come into the world! Much like a female midwife, I would imagine!

Any man wanting to stare at vaginas could just rent a DVD/buy a magazine. I doubt VERY much that they would do a midwifery course (which is no walk in the park - friend has just finished hers) just to look at some vaginas pushing a baby out.

There is SO much more to childbirth than a vagina! And really, they ain't that special!

yep the account of the letter is fanciful.as i said not hoe it works.midife is through ucas.not a cosy wee letter in post "ach no laddies letter" will suffice.put a pair o drawers on grow yer hair...and mebbe son

maintain op is a bit fishy

Or the fella has told the OP a story because he didn't get in for some other reason

When I had dd1, I was induced due to PE. All was going OK until dd became distressed.

The midwife called the consultant who was looking after me suggesting surgical intervention (no progress, contractions too far apart, etc) and he did an internal & agreed.

He was talking to me about the risks of a section, and he was just at the side of my feet - while a nurse shaved me, places a catheter etc.

He wasn't staring in between my legs, he was looking at me. It IS possible for a man to work in childbirth & not want to get a quick squit of your fanny! FFS!

I really don't understand why having a male midwife is an issue. As others have said, most obstetricians and gynaecologists are male. You can ask for a woman if you really want. I would just want someone clever and kind, don't give a toss whether male or female.

The problem is, that those of us who do understand why it is an issue, dont get to choose. Once there's a man on duty, there's no substitute.

All this "he's just a professional doctor/midwife" is not always as true as you think either. I once refused an internal examination by a male doctor, and he reacted, not like a professional, but like a man who's been turned down by a woman.
Came up to me, did exaggerated "but I am a doctor" stuff, while touching me. Yuk. I dont want you touching me, Ive already made that clear.

And given that the choice is now being removed from women, I dont think it is an exaggeration to say that its selfish of men to become midwives.

nighbynight - that just means he was unprofessional. there are unprofessional midwives as well. You can't judge the whole profession based on one person.

I don't have a problem with someone requesting a female midwife/consultant if one is available or on duty. But if they are not on duty or available, a patient needs to be mature enough to realise this and deal with it. I get so tired of hearing people whinge about people not getting what they want out of the birth experience (in general), and honestly, if it means I and my baby will come out of it healthy then I don't care whether the midwife or consultant is male or female - as long as they are competent.

Selfish of men to become midwives?? What a load of nonsense. If a female doctor makes men uncomfortable, does that mean it's selfish of women to become doctors??

I had 2 male midwives including the Spanish guy mentioned by Instyle who used to work at the royal London and is now at the barkantine. He was great, sympathetic, caring and considerably nicer than the majority of female midwives. It is about the person, not their gender.

Feel I have to add that I would also prefer a female midwife, for a little more weight on that side of teh argument!

When I go for a smear i always request a female nurse or doctor, anything to do with taking my knickers off I infinitely prefer a female practitioner.

I know that to the male practitioners it's just a job, they do it all day every day and it's nothing to them. That's true and fair enough. But I don't go around taking my knickers off in front of strange men all the time so it's not nothing to me.

I have had men perform smears and do a colp and of course they were very good, gentle, professional etc.

But personally, for me, I would rather have a woman do it. It's an emotional thing, not a logical one. I do feel more tense when a man does it as well which is not very helpful, as tensing up can make things more uncomfortable.

Hullygully - there's plenty of male gynaecologists and obstetricians. I don't understand your objection. Certainly working with 'our privares' is no odder than working with any other part of the body?

The registrar who gave me a sweep was male, it never crossed my mind that anyone could perceive this to be odd.

ScottishMummy I have previously advised that I have not seen the letter, this is not a wind up either.
I posted because I was frustrated at the letter my friend got because it sounded wrong. And discriminatory.
I don't know exactly where he enquired but it wasn't a hospital - he was talking about uni courses.

I don't claim to be an expert on midwifery courses and their acceptance preferences - frankly if he wasn't my friend I wouldn't be interested.

I will be seeing him on Monday so I'll ask him more about the letter then - he only told me about it by phone.

I didn't mean to cause any arguments - just wanted some advice so I could possibly advise him on what to do next.

I'm sorry you think I'm messing with you all.

WOuld the people who say they would prefer / request a female midwife also request a female surgeon in the event of a c-section?