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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be angry at the rejction letter my friend got?

150 replies

KayloHalo · 15/01/2010 10:29

My gay friend, a male, recently enquired about becoming a midwife.

He received a letter back saying (i don't it know word for word) unfortunately we would be unable to accept you onto the midwifery course as we currently only accept ladies.

I'm sure there was more to the letter than that but that was the bit that upset him.

I'm probably biased but I think he would be a great midwife - midhusband? - because he has a great bedisde manner - he's hillarious when you need a boost/cheering up but he's sooo serious about his career.

I just find it so unfair that he's been rejected because of his gender. He almost more female than I am ffs!!

I know there are male midwives out there - where does he go from here?

OP posts:
pooexplosions · 15/01/2010 11:22

there are male midwives, but what has him being gay got to do with it?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 15/01/2010 11:23

As if straight male midwives might get turned on by looking at a labouring woman's fanny...lol

I'd prefer a woman, gay or straight, to a man, gay or straight. Their sexual preference is irrelevant.

LittleMrsHappy · 15/01/2010 11:24

Its illegal, and no quotas or any other excuse, disqualifying him form this job due to gender etc... under the sex discrimination act of 1975.

SolidGoldBrass · 15/01/2010 11:26

My DS was delivered by a very camp and very wonderful male midwife. I also think this sounds illegal and am sorry for your friend.

LittleMrsHappy · 15/01/2010 11:28

Why does the need to nit pick the OP.

Yes its irrelevant hes gay, but hes gay and she said hes gay, what the point in the nit picking

pooexplosions · 15/01/2010 11:39

Because shes not the only one who mentioned a gay male midwife. Its not nitpicking, its a genuine question, why mention his sexuality? Why is it relevant? You wouldn't say, my friend the lesbian wants to be a doctor, or my straight cousin wants to be a teacher, would you?

I had a male midwife once, he was lovely. And gorgeous, it was quite distracting!

Peachy · 15/01/2010 11:39

I'venever heard a bad story about a male MW and would happily have had one.

Hope your friend gets some training sorted, i've had 4 babies and not yet even spotted a male MW- shame really.

pigletmania · 15/01/2010 11:40

It does sound illegal, there are male midwifes that i have heard of so men can become a midwife. He should not accept that reply, he should contact them and challenge them

etchasketch · 15/01/2010 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
KayloHalo · 15/01/2010 11:53

pooexpolsions I really only mentioned it so you all the info, discrimination runs deeper than gender. I thought it was relvant at the time.
Didn't mean to cause controversy over it, I apologise.

If I'm totally honest - and think I've said this on other threads - If I was a labouring woman I wouldn't care if the midwife was male, female, green face, blue face, 4 arms. As long as they got my babies out safely.

I'm currently pregnant with my 3rd baby - and my opinion still stands. As long as my baby is healthy and safe, then it doesn't matter to me who delivers.

I do appreciate however that everybody has their own preferences.

OP posts:
duchesse · 15/01/2010 11:54

Huh? My first baby was caught rather comically as it turned out by a fantastic male midwife. He was the best midwife in the hospital- the others were all rather institutionalised. I think that make miwives have to be better than most of the women to make it n midwifery. Incidentally "midwife" means "with the woman" so men midwives are midwives too. Frankly sounds illegal to turn him down on grounds of gender. He should appeal that sensitively if he's really keen and not let that letter put him off.

Original poster
KayloHalo · 15/01/2010 11:54

so you have all the info - I clearly can't type

OP posts:
pigletmania · 15/01/2010 12:00

I know that in some cultures women prefer a lady midwife, me personally i would not care but other women might have personal issues (rape,psychological and might prefer a woman.

notcitrus · 15/01/2010 12:01

There's a male midwife called Vic based at Guys who's not only a community midwife but recently won an award for Community Midwife of the Year - I noticed the photo and article in the local paper because he was the one who visited after ds and I escaped hospital.

He was lovely. No idea about his sexuality and care less.

I would expect that the college is acting illegally unless they are some sort of all-women's unit with no men's toilets or something which even then sounds dodgy...

pigletmania · 15/01/2010 12:04

Even though, there is always lady midwifes there is a lady requests it

qwertpoiuy · 15/01/2010 12:13

From what you say, OP, your friend sounds like he is perfect for the job personalitywise - I hate to think a woman would be chosen over him for a post just because she is a woman. That can't be legal. I would want somebody who would be calm, reassuring, friendly and know their job - I wouldn't give a toss whether they were male or female!

Triggles · 15/01/2010 13:13

He was lovely. No idea about his sexuality and care less.

And really no reason why you would know about his sexuality. LOL I can't imagine that would even enter into the equation. It's not like anyone ever questions the sexuality of a female midwife..why would they with a male midwife? or nurse, for that matter? It's a nonissue, IMO.

motherbeyond · 15/01/2010 13:18

i am in lancashire and had a male midwife..he was great!had i known before hand i would get one i think i would have been a bit but let's face it,when it feels like your trying to push a couch through your fanny..do you really care?!!

Hullygully · 15/01/2010 13:19

Male midwives are a bit odd thought, aren't they? What man would want to do that? (Shudder)

Irons · 15/01/2010 13:22

That is out-right sex discrimination and definately illegal! Perhaps he should make a stand on this.

Triggles · 15/01/2010 13:23

I would imagine it's not much different (in a general sense, not a training sense, obviously) than a man wanting to be an obstetric or gynecological consultant.

I often wonder what would possess someone to be a proctologist, but hey, someone's got to do it.

Casserole · 15/01/2010 13:24

Not as weird as male gynaecologists!! Now that IS odd.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 15/01/2010 13:32

Hullygully, why is it odd and why would it make a man shudder any more than a woman?

People in the medical and health professions see these things differently, I think -- they don't choose a specialism based on really enjoying that particular body part or something

It's about all kinds of things, the challenges and rewards of the work involved. Midwifery is undoubtedly a highly rewarding and satisfying and challenging job for lots of women, why not for a man?

Hullygully · 15/01/2010 13:34

Dorothea - because it's about ladies' bits. I am very suspicious of any man that wants to be paid for working with our privates.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 15/01/2010 13:36

HullyGully are you trying to get namechecked on telly again, you meeeja whore....