to dislike the appellation "Mrs {DH's initial} {my surname}"?

[Clary]

It was my birthday and a couple of my cards seemed to be addressed to DH

If I am Clare Jones and my husband is Philip, I am OK (just about) with Christmas cards to "Mr and Mrs P Jones" tho frankly I would prefer Mr and Mrs Phil and Clare Jones - or one or the other name (which is what I do).

But I cannot be doing with cards for me addressed Mrs P Jones. My name isn't Philip! (It isn't Clare either but that't not the point ).

Does this bug anyone else or am I being silly?

That would annoy me a lot too. It drives my mum mad and that was half the reason she advised me and my sister not to change our names. It seems too formal for something like a card too.

yanbu. I've never been married but that is one of the things that would drive me up the wall.

Oh this absolutely infuriates me. I refuse to respond to anyone who calls me Mrs my husbands name. It makes me sound like some kind of extension to him or his property.

I took his surname because we planned to have a family and I wanted a family name. I quite liked his surname (more than mine) so no fuss but equally I would have argued the other way.

My father insists I am mrs husbands name and insists all married women are. However my father is also the type to believe men are 'heads of family' etc.

You are so not alone.

Actually I cant wait until (fingers crossed) I have my PhD soon. I will be insisting that everyone writes to Dr and Mr

I thought you mean that your name was Clare Jones and his name was Phil Smith and you were being addressed as Mrs. P Jones.

Now that would be weird.

I went way old school when I married. I kept my old name, but will allow people to address me as Mrs. Dear Husband.

Either I have my whole original identity, or none of it.

It seems you want to always use the mixture. I can see why, I suppose.

I hate it too and I also hate Mr and Mrs P Jones to use your example. Getting married does not mean losing your own identity and it reeks of a time when women were considered property. So YANBU at all!

Dh says I am too fussy. Of course this is only on cards from aged relatives - worst bit is they are my aged relatives! (not sure why that makes it worse but it does somehow).

I absolutely HATE this!!! I find it is the older generation who do this in the main - i get cards to what seem like my husband. I AM NOT AN APPENDAGE OF HIM!!! I did change my name to have his surname - which i swore i would never do (but wanted all children we had to have the same family name etc) but i find being called Mrs M Surname immensely disrespectful.

Im glad im not the only one. Its like 'princess Michael of Kent'. ERm no - her name is not Michael!! Grrrr.

no yanbu - i hate it too, it's very jane austin and totally out of date i think.

i am getting married this autumn and if anybody calls me Mrs (male name) (new surname) then i'll scream!!!

i've always addressed stuff to my mum and dad to mr and mrs surname without any first names or initials... there's only one married couple living at that address anyway!

I kept my name yet some of my relatives refuse to call me by my name and insist on calling me by my husbands name as apparently it is just wrong to keep your name. You can imagine how I respond to this.

As soon as my colleague got married her mum started sending her letters addressed to "Mrs. "! Talk about being obliterated. I think this habit is really grim.

But then, I think anyone who changes their surname to their husband's when they marry is kind of going part of the way down this route to start with - after all that's equally nonsensical really - if you change your surname, why not your other one, if you think about it?

Keep your own full name in the first place (or get it back pronto!)

Peppa, your father is correct.

It is correct form that a woman who is still married to her husband is Mrs {husbands name}{surname}

Mrs {her given first name}{husbands surname} is correct if she has separated from her husband or divorced and has not returned to her maiden surname.

peppa it is actually one of the few reasons i would want to do a Phd - (apart from finding my subject incredibly fascinating of course ) and i will be totally envious of you when you can insist everyone calls you Dr Peppa (sounds refreshing)

I always address letters like this .

I thought it was the 'correct' way of doing it.

No skidoodle I don't think I want to use a mixture.

My name is Clare Jones. He is Phil Jones. (resists temptation to write actual name )

I had no problemo with taking his surname when we got married - for all sorts of reasons, not least my old surname was just my dad's name after all!

But I am Clare Jones. Not Phil Jones. I just think it's really odd to call me that. Just call me by my name fgs!

YANBU it's generally old fogies that do it though. When I was little I was very confused by Princess Michael of Kent.

I loathe this. It's like I've lost my own identity. Things like this make me wish I'd kept my own surname... mutters darkly

I just put Mr and Mrs Jones if I am writing to a couple.

I love being called Mrs M. Rigby.

I was delighted when we both got our PhDs because e.g. 'Dr P Jones' and 'Dr C Jones' necessitates the correct initial. This is technically a moot point because I kept my own surname but, like you EmilyStrange, people refuse to accept that I did!

I think it is the formal correct way of doing things, but it's out dated and offensive and if people don't change their own way of doing things then things will never change.

My parents (70s) do this too. Drives me mad. We had a bit of a punch-up over it with regard to the place names and invitations for our wedding. Don't care if it once was considered correct form in the 1950s. We've moved on a bit now.

"Correct", says who, differentID?

I'm not married but if I was, I would still be because that's my decision... I would take a dim view of anyone telling me it wasn't "correct"!

we have the same initial so never really though of it that way
sometimes I even misread the mr for mrs and open a letter and vice versa
not actually what you are asking

Mrs Matthew Rigby

I hate this as well. Annoyingly it is my family that tend to do it - I have a perfectly good initial of my own, thank you. My parents have the same initial so perhaps it never occurred to my mother that it would annoy me BUT IT DOES!

(And yes, it's Dr Queen to you)

differentID I know that about "Mrs Clare Jones" being a divorced woman.

But how about just writing "Clare Jones" on the envelope? I don't need a title and I reckon that's my name.

Luvvin Dr Peppa!