to dislike the appellation "Mrs {DH's initial} {my surname}"?

[Clary]

It was my birthday and a couple of my cards seemed to be addressed to DH

If I am Clare Jones and my husband is Philip, I am OK (just about) with Christmas cards to "Mr and Mrs P Jones" tho frankly I would prefer Mr and Mrs Phil and Clare Jones - or one or the other name (which is what I do).

But I cannot be doing with cards for me addressed Mrs P Jones. My name isn't Philip! (It isn't Clare either but that't not the point ).

Does this bug anyone else or am I being silly?

Katisha the solution is to double-barrel or change name completely for everyone or just to buck the trend. Change has to start somewhere.

My gran does this makes my blood boil - why should he get to use his initial and surname and both of mine vanish. I only gave up my surname reluctantly, still not convinced I made the right decision, but I have followed family tradition and given dd my maiden name as a middle name.

Could we not just get rid of surnames, cause so much stress they do

I'm fairly laid back about it to be honest. Though I kept my name for work when I got married so am Dr Sarah Maiden. And use my married name for family life. Mrs Sarah Married. Though I also use Dr Sarah Married sometimes, but it seems odd to me as hubby is Dr Married to me (he also has PhD) Mostly it just leads to a huge variation of different combinations on envelopes. When writing to other people I normally put something like Mr J & Mrs S Jones.

I will be the odd one out, (except for Heget then! On invitations etc addressed to us I expect to be Mrs DH (first name in full- Surname) on envelope if written by a friend. Most of my personal post from friends (and I'm NOT old ) will be like that. Joint business letters or those nor from close friends are Mr & Mrs DH(initial-surname). Correspondence to me about my work is Mrs [my first name-Surname]. Don't have any issues about losing my own identity either.

YANBU. I know that "Mrs George Clooney" is correct form, but it seems so antiquated. As has been said, etiquette can or should evolve as language does.

I did tack dh's name onto the end of my own, and am very irritated when his family write to me as Mrs Hisname. I can cope with Mr and Mrs Hisname as a joint appellation, but if it's just me, I am Mrs Myname Hisname.

When writing to people, I usually put Sid and Doris Bonkers, in an attempt to avoid the minefield.

I dislike this. Talk about subsuming the female identity in marriage. You completely disappear. And are defined only by your marriage to a man.

Yes, that's right: when you're widowed you become (in traditional circles) Mrs Yourownname Deceasedhusband'ssurname.

I don't mind cards addressed to Mr and Mrs J. Smith. I do hate birthday cards addressed to Mrs John Smith, though I get a lot of them from DH's family. I know it's 'correct' but it makes me feel odd.

ah, so it's a no lose situation then - push DH under a bus, and not only do I get the life insurance, but also my own name back!

Clary - my mum's great aunt would always have addressed letter/card to me as Mrs (dh's initial) (our surname) and there's nothing on god's earth or fullers that would have made her change her ways.

Don't know anyone under about 70 who would do that now.

hey, it's the differences between us that make the world so interesting!

Am sad that none of my children have my surname, but old fashioned enough myself to think that taking my dh's surname was 'the right thing to do'.

Katisha my bank let me do this. Well my statements come to Mrs Mac, but my card for my own account says Miss X.

It is very handy for me since the accounts have identical debit cards.

That's interesting about widows.

Actually it doesn't make sense really - I thought the disgrace of Mrs your name surname was reserved only for the shameful divorcee

madbad if it was Mrs George Clooney I might not mind so much

YANBU
I can't bear that. Mrs of P jones...nonono! I have a name of my own!!!

This infuriates me, particularly as I didn't change my name when we got married and I still get Mrs Hisname-HisSurname on letters, cards etc.
After trying to get them to change (mostly relatives on my side again - bit of a trend there) after the last batch of them at Christmas it made me so cross the cards went straight in the recycling and none of them were sent a card.
YANBU (but I may be for binning the cards in petulent rage)

Teddybare - the people who do this are too old to change, I think, and they would just be puzzled, embarrassed and hurt by being corrected. Long ago, I just decided to let it go, though it does still rankle every December ...

Also thick is when you keep your original name but people stick a Mrs in fromt of it (I hate Mrs anyway, but that's another story)

I get that - Mrs Myname from the dentist, doctor and anywhere else that they know I'm married. I always correct them.

MarineIguana- you would be completely correct to keep both your original names.

The point is that many in our parent's generation feel it is not correct to write

"Mrs [Woman's first name] [Husband's surname]"

for the reasons already pointed out in this thread- i.e. because that would be how to address a separated or divorced woman.

Anyway, given that a) this practice is dying out and b)this can hardly top the list of annoying things people aged 60 and above do, it's probably not worth getting that irate about.

Mrs myname....see another reason to do a random phd

tis the "correct" form of doing it, I am afraid.

As other posters have had.

Am I in the majority then of actually quite liking it?

yanbu
I hate it too and always get addressed like this from dh's family. It makes me want to scream 'I have my own name' - it also makes me wish I'd kept my maiden name although I expect they would ignore it and still address me as Mrs DH.

One of my dh's brothers double-barrelled their family name but inlaws refuse to address them as this. In fact mil asked me what I address them as and I told her that I use the double-barrel, as that is the correct name and she said that she doesn't use it because she doesn't like it There are lots of names I don't like but it doesn't mean that I refuse to use them - grrrr.

YANBU, it is annoying, but I also find silly taking one's husband's surname.

I was always adamand that I'd take my husband's surname once married, because my initials are CJD! Then I went and married someone whose surname starts with a D, so there was no point anymore :-(

zachsmama, so if your mil knows a little girl called mary but she doesn't like the name, does she call her chloe instead?

YANBU. This really pisses me off too.