to dislike the appellation "Mrs {DH's initial} {my surname}"?

[Clary]

It was my birthday and a couple of my cards seemed to be addressed to DH

If I am Clare Jones and my husband is Philip, I am OK (just about) with Christmas cards to "Mr and Mrs P Jones" tho frankly I would prefer Mr and Mrs Phil and Clare Jones - or one or the other name (which is what I do).

But I cannot be doing with cards for me addressed Mrs P Jones. My name isn't Philip! (It isn't Clare either but that't not the point ).

Does this bug anyone else or am I being silly?

(However even though I'm not married and have my own name anyway... people STILL call me "Mrs

Um I don't believe it is correct to address someone by the wrong name.

Well quite topically due to the peppa pig obsession and my surname my friends already think its hilarious to call me Dr Brown Bear. Oh the hilarity

Technically (and I shall argue outdatedly if thats a word) he might be right but why he insists when he knows it infuriates me I dont know.

Anyway absolute best and only reason to do a phd is to be able to do this. I certainly then wont be Dr husbands name as he isnt a doctor. Although saying that he's not a mrs. God knows

To the argument why dont we take the whole name - well firstly their name is a mans name and I am not a man? If we were not having children then I wouldnt bother taking his surname anyway.

I highly recommend everyone on this thread do this a phd just to wind the letter writing people up. Bit long winded but worth it in the end. Perhaps we could do a joint one on the stupidity of name writing

differntID, correctness is surely just adhering to the convention of the time - it's not a universal law. It's a convention that doesn't sit well with modern times, and so is surely no longer necessary to be considered "correct" - I mean, who decides these "rules", ultimately? Language changes, so can this.

I did change to DH's surname, simply because I liked it more than mine - if I hadn't, I wouldn't have, but i do see that it does to an extent perpetuate the convention.

Peppa, hate to tell you this, but I got my PhD just before DH did, and a couple of years before we got married. People who used to write to us as Dr and Dr suddenly, upon marriage, started using Mr and Mrs, or worse, Dr and Mrs... What I don't get is why friends our own age feel it necessary to write our titles when addressing things like Christmas cards anyway - we just use first names.

I always thought the 'proper' name for a married woman was either mrs his first name his surname, or your first name your maiden name. Because you were the wife of... (mrs his name) and you (your birth name)

See both Mother and MiL are widows - so are they still Mrs (dead husband's intial) (surname)?

Because that's properly weird, isn't it? My dad has been dead for more than 20 years yet (I suppose) still lives on in my mother's correspondance (not from me needless to say).

I hate it too. It is proper etiquette. But I find it very old fashioned and outdated. Only MIL does it to me.

Proper etiquette blah! Once upon a time it was proper etiquette to curtsey and make table legs wear trousers (or something) But anyway, etiquette moves on. I would imagine this would piss most modern women off and rightly so.

Habbibu - oh they will feel my wrath if they do that! Dh is threatening to buy himself a title anyway

This practice of Mrs {husband's initial} Jones is beyond pedantic. It might have been the practice in the past, but there are very, very few occasions when it would be appropriate these days. (Offhand, the only example I can think of is if you and Mr Jones get invited to a Buckingham Palace shindig).

Informal correspondence (i.e. Christmas cards) should be addressed to Mr & Mrs Jones - there's no need to use {husband's initial}.

More formal correspondence should be addressed to Mrs C & Mr P Jones. When we married, some 30+ years ago, that's exactly how we set up our joint bank accounts. It identifies that we are individuals who are also together.

Having a PhD is not necessarily going to fix this one, I'm afraid. DH and I both have PhDs. My (admittedly now rather elderly) relatives mostly send Xmas cards to Dr and Mrs Bloggs, despite the fact that we are Dr and Dr AND that I have kept my own name. How about that, eh?

I may just have to get divorced then...

I address letters as Mrs and Mr, (well if I am feeling bolshy and remember). I asked my dh to change his name to mine but like me he wanted to retain his identity which I respect.

Then I suggested we change our name completely and his family went beserk. Honestly I think they were on the brink of disowning us and to have a quiet life I gave up the idea. Then there was the issue of the children as I didn't see why they had to have the man's surname and again major conniptions and explosions. You would think I had suggested maiming the kids. So I gave in again. Clearly the suffragette blood does not run in my veins. I really should handcuff myself to the deed poll offices. I still want us all to change our name completely... The desire to continue the male line runs strong my friends.

Oldie mum, I think that would annoy me enough to ask people to change the way they addressed things or if they couldn't do that then stop sending me a christmas card.

The solution is to do what I did - Marry someone with the same initials

So we are both D J Hxxxxxxxxx
well actually DP is D J F E Hxxxxxx

I really like being Mrs

Oh dear, I am about to be kicked all round mumsnet.

Actually it became a bit of a trend - there was M & M, then J & J, then S & S followed by us D & D. Thankfully the next family wedding was L & W!

emilystrange - oooh out of interest what would you have called yourselves?

This occasionally happens to me. I don't like it.

DD had the best response to it a couple of years back: [picks up newly arrived mail and wrinkles nose in puzzlement]...the person that sent this thinks that Dad is a WOMAN!

sorry, didn't get right back.

all i said was it was "correct" form, not necessarily form I agree with fwiw.

I dont see how you get round it really. As has been pointed out, a woman's surname is her father's anyway.

However I am still v v v annoyed that the bank refuses to let me operate under maiden name for my own account and married name for joint one.

To answer question from further down thread, I believe etiquette says that widows revert to their own initial.

Oh peppa I had the perfect choice but I can't tell you or will blow my secret identity on mumsnet. Everyone seemed to think it hilarious but to this day I don't get what is funny about this name, it is lovely and I still want to call my family this.

I hate it too, but fortunately DH and I both have the same initials!

I can cope with Mr & Mrs XY Surname or Mrs XY Surname, as we are both XY IYSWIM.

But I did PhD and prefer Dr XY Maiden name, as appropriate, usually at work.

I am fine with getting letters to Mr and Mrs DH Our surname.

Don't like Mrs DH Our surname on its own though. Have managed to get my mum round to my way of thinking, after DH opened more than one thing intended for me, due to an inability to see the difference between Mr and Mrs.

DH's granny is Mrs [her DH's initial] surname, although he has been dead for nearly 20 years. I think she would feel unhappy to not be.