to dislike the appellation "Mrs {DH's initial} {my surname}"?

[Clary]

It was my birthday and a couple of my cards seemed to be addressed to DH

If I am Clare Jones and my husband is Philip, I am OK (just about) with Christmas cards to "Mr and Mrs P Jones" tho frankly I would prefer Mr and Mrs Phil and Clare Jones - or one or the other name (which is what I do).

But I cannot be doing with cards for me addressed Mrs P Jones. My name isn't Philip! (It isn't Clare either but that't not the point ).

Does this bug anyone else or am I being silly?

mummygirl - exactly my point!
I think it only applies to d-in-laws who refuse to take the sacred family name

While I dislike it, it's only much older people who do it, and so I don't get too worked up. I think it is a practice that will die out in daily life in the not too distant future, and the reason for that is a bit sad really.

On the otehr side, the people who do this (mentioning no names MIL) get really angry when people (banks telesales etc etc) refer to them by their first name.

So I guess it's just a generational thing and when we are older there will be a trend to call everyone by something that we find really offensive and we will get all worked up.

YANBU

I still go by my maiden name and people seem to be offended that I have not changed my name, esp. DH's family. I have never received any correspondence from them in 10 years which uses my correct name on !

And I would love to say it is just older people, but I have stepford wife friends who also insist on not using my name (because I am being petulant to my husband). What the fuck it has to do with them, I will never know. My DH couldn't give 2 hoots.

Actually, I'm the other way round. I took DH's surname on marriage and I just hate it if people address mail to Mrs MyChristianName OurSurname. I am NOT a divorcee! My MIL does this - I think she thinks it's more "feminist" to use the woman's first name. I don't see anything remotely feminist about using the mode of address that would be correct for someone whose marriage has ended when in fact that marriage is alive and well. However, I tend to follow other people's preferences in this area - if I know they prefer to be addressed a certain way then that's what I do, even if it isn't the Debretts way.

All this talk of correctness is just odd - it's not set in ;law, etiquette changes, so why all the "it's correct, so that's that"?

Yanbu.

My Aunt does this.

I hate it too, but it's mainly my DBro who does it (coz he knows it pisses me off ). I have a PhD and am Dr Maiden for work, and Mrs (or occasionally Dr) Married at home.

DH and I both have PhDs, so lots of our post comes to Dr and Dr. It's also massively entertaining when you answer for a phone call for Dr Married, and they expect it to be the man who is the doctor.

DH cried laughing at one of our Christmas cards this year. It was addressed to Dr and Mrs Married. Of all people, it was from my PhD supervisor, FFS

"even if it isn't the Debretts way"

Fair enough, but this did make me laugh -- can't imagine more than 2% of the population know or care what the Debretts way is!

I'm also in a Dr and Mr relationship but no-one uses my Dr because, according to my mum, people are worried it may offend my DH. What rubbish- he is just as proud of my PhD as I am! So I'm stuck with Mrs A. Robin when I am Dr C. Robin. It grates but I have now accepted that I can't change their daft thinking

Another PhD here - recently had an oven delivered. Guy said, oh is Dr LEM there? Me: Yes. Guy: Well it says Dr on here so he needs to sign for it

We are not married though, so it isn't an issue.

I have giving up using Dr other than professionally, even though im extremely proud of my PhD. It just really annoys me that whenever i am asked "is that Miss or Mrs" and i say "Dr" the tone shifts to "oooh, get you!!". [yawn] I know it sounds daft but it really annoys me - because i don't like using Miss, i'm 39 years old, with a family - and a stubborn DP who doesn't want to get married!

LEM

you could always use Ms! (although why should you have to when Dr is even better )

kat2907 - i would, but i have difficulty pronouncing it

I am a Ms. Can't stand Miss or Mrs - my marital status is relevant to very few people and I don't feel the need to advertise it. I'd call myself Dr but that would be a big fat lie

When sending social mail, cards etc I generally use first name and surname. Or just first names sometimes.

Sort of miz or muhz.

yes, exactly kat - and i end up buzzing like a fecking bee muzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

differentID is right-technically that is how you do it, because Mrs. is a contraction of 'mistress of' (I think). But it's just too old-fashioned. I don't do it any more.

I have a different problem. I kept my own name when I married, so I am still Miss [my maiden name]. I work in a profession where many wonmen do this, so being 'Miss' is become like 'Ms': it doesn't necessarily identify you as married or unmarried, which I like. I don't use 'Ms' because I find it such an ugly word.

But people who know I am married immediately change that to Mrs. [my maiden name]. Then argue with me that I can't be Miss because I'm married. I can be whatever I like, actually. The chattel of your husband thingy did end quite a while ago. Annoying.

As an aside, I always thought that it was rather cruel to change the way that you address a married woman when she is widowed. It's as though it's saying "and it doesn't count any more, becuase he died". I just don't see the purpose of it. Except, I suppose, that it indicated that a woman was back on the market.

Back on topic though, and it irritates me greatly that the titles given to women are supposed to signify "status". Why should some random stranger need to know that I'm married, or single, or divorced? Which is why I tend to use Ms, to try to get it accepted as a normal title, even though I can use Dr. Bless him, DH always uses Dr when he is referring to me, as it usually comes right before having to classify me as a "housewife" to some company or other, and he feels that it cancels out the "little woman" status somehow.

Im starting to think that everyone on mumsnet has a phd

Maybe whoever sent you the card thinks that you are actually called Plare?

YANBU I am happy to wear my DH surname but AFAIK, my first name did not change for his so if I got cards adressed to MRS S Exwhyzed instead of MRS M(y initial) Exwhyzed I would be ennoyed!

I was Ms until i got married (and being Mrs (husband's surname) still doesn't sit well with me after 3 yrs. When i was applying for my first teaching job after doing a PGCE as a slightly mature student (!) my 'professional tutor' said i shouldn't use Ms as i would never get an interview - and he certainly wouldnt have offered an interview to a Ms.

I was so shocked and launched into a tirade about how my identity as a person and teacher had nothing to do with my relationship with a man. I also said that i would consider it a lucky escape not to work for someone with such a bizarre attitude.

I was not his fave student and managed to get a job no problem!!

As an aside - we have just started to research our family trees, and it is incredible how records didnt even bother to give the woman's maiden name on wedding records until the 1900's!! We are just so unimportant .

I'm getting married later in the year. If the Bestman announces us as "Mr & Mrs Phil Jones" I'll murder someone! "Mr & Mrs Jones" is okay though. (Even though for day to day purposes I'm not changing my name)

It's easy for men to say that you are making a fuss because having to change their name is never going to happen!

I thought it was the correct form of address

but it does sound barking

See what happens if he is a doctor or reverend and you aren't, and vice versa

Dr and Mrs P Jones

Mr and Dr P Jones

Demented

YANBU, I hate this, I find it intensely rude that people think I don't get my own initial. I realise that traditionally this was the polite method of address but it is something I hoped had been swept away by feminism.

It's a generational thing, I think. I've had conversations with grandparents on both sides of my family who were worried about addressing our Christmas cards wrongly (we aren't married - yeat)

Them: "Is it ok to write Miss [myname] & Mr [hisname]?"
Me: "Er, yes?"

I'll be keeping my name when we do get married. My mum is horrified, and no doubt so will everyone else when I tell them. Call me naive, but I had no idea this was such a controversial thing in the 21st century...

Am considering not telling them.

yanbu, i hate it too. but then i hate being called 'mrs' as well.