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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to allow my 4-year-old to open her presents at her birthday party?

109 replies

parakeet · 12/01/2010 21:29

I'm discovering that at other childrens' parties, their parents seem to make their children wait until after the party. When I allowed my daughter to open her presents from the party guests as she received them, one mum even commented: "Oh, she's opening her presents!" as if it was something really odd. I don't understand. Isn't it rather sadistic to make them wait?

I always opened mine at the party when I was growing up. Is this something to do with the fact that I grew up Oop North, and since then have moved down South?

Or is it maybe because so far I have only had little parties for my daughter (four or five children, max), and the others seem to have larger affairs, so I suppose it would have taken them ages to open all their presents?

Please enlighten me.

OP posts:
inchhighprivateeye · 12/01/2010 21:40

I think there are practical reasons for this. At a big party, opening the pressies might take too long, and what are the other guests supposed to do? Five year olds tend not to have the social skills to enjoy somebody else opening pressies, you might end up with a mass tantrum. Also what if your child doesn't like the gift, or gets duplicates. And it could be embarrassing if some gifts are more generous than others, which they often are.

pranma · 12/01/2010 21:41

I think it is so people who have only been able to give a small gift are not embarrassed and there is no comparing of who gave what.

HumphreyCobbler · 12/01/2010 21:42

Well I think it is fine to open presents, especially if it a small party. It is nice for those giving to see the present being opened.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 12/01/2010 21:42

Its a great thing to do at an 'at home' party cos it uses up time!

ruddynorah · 12/01/2010 21:43

i'm oop north and we don't open at the party. saves embarrassment. kids want to get on and play anyway not watch a kid open stuff.

Heqet · 12/01/2010 21:45

agree with ruddy. It's pretty dull to watch! Esp if there's lots of presents. takes about half the party!

CremeDeMenthe · 12/01/2010 21:48

Agree with what everyone else has said. If it's a party at home the DC tend to get stuck in once the majority of guests have left. Then I have to do generic 'thank you for the lovely gift' notes becuase i haven't a clue who gave what.

TheFallenMadonna · 12/01/2010 21:48

My DD tends to have a small at home party, and she opens her presents as her friends arrive and give them to her. At her age (5) they have no idea which gifts are more expensive generous, and are always madly excited at whatever appears under the wrapping. And I don't invite parents, so they don;t get to cast their beady eyes over things either

Smithagain · 12/01/2010 21:49

Fine at a small party, as long as you are there to keep an eye that (a) you get a chance to find out who gave what, so as to avoid giving the same present back next week say thank you and (b) your darling birthday child doesn't say "oh yuck, I've already got one of those" ( my daughter was that child)

At a big party, it's just better to wait till later - it takes too long and the others get bored.

We've done it both ways. No-one seemed bothered either way.

Spaceman · 12/01/2010 21:49

I was always brought up to think that it was polite to open the present you were given in front of the giver and thank them personally. I still think it's rude when all the presents are hoarded in a big pile for when everyone is gone - especially if I've put a lot of thought into a gift and I want to see what reaction it gets. We always sit around and open gifts ceremoniously, although i am really really tempted to jump on the bandwagon as it's usually quite chaotic to make the time to do this.

2rebecca · 12/01/2010 21:51

If small party then my kids open them, not if big party as gets too confusing re who bought what and mess and means you aren't paying attention to your guests etc.
Have never invited parents, I think that's a southern thing.

RTKangaMummy · 12/01/2010 21:52

DS is 14 now but when he was younger he never opened pressies at the party

Also none of his friends did at theirs

Yes, I am from down south ~ Sussex Coast ~ so really down South

For all the reasons stated by others

Also, what happens if someone else wants to play with her new pressies while she is busy opening the next one?

give her something to look forward to after the party

pigletmania · 12/01/2010 21:53

YANBU at all, a party is about the birthday boy/girl, if they want to open their presents they should be allowed to do so. I had a small at home party for dd when she was 2 and presents were opened then and it was nice for the giver to see her enjoying them and for me to thanks them personally for their gift. It like waiting until after the Christmas meal to open Christmas presents

domesticextremist · 12/01/2010 21:57

I have never seen presents opened at the party for reasons of offence etc - and also if someone in the class has regifted then one of the other parents might see - its a minefield of social embarrassment.

Plus theres just too many - if you have got 15-20 kids running around a soft play the last thing you want is loads of wrapping and the like - you just stuff them all in to the bin bag provided and open them later...

I can see if you just had 5 kids at home though it would be different.

TheFallenMadonna · 12/01/2010 21:58

Ha! We do open our christmas presents after lunch, but presents at the start of the party. It's about opening the presents in front of the giver rather than anything to do with delayed gratification, for us anyway.

TheFallenMadonna · 12/01/2010 21:59

Clearly the answer is to get rid of the parents...

MNingatmidnight · 12/01/2010 22:21

Oh dear - fallenmadonna, you make the kids get up and dressed and have dinner before they attack the presents?

2snowshoes · 12/01/2010 22:23

i stopped ds doing this after one party was ruined as he wouldn't stop playing with a topy.
imo better to wait till later.

Hulababy · 12/01/2010 22:27

I personally prefer to wait til later. To start with, IMO, it is boring for guests to have to wait around for the birthday child to sit and opemn xx presents. This depends on howmany guests though.

I like DD to do thank you letters. In the midst of a party I can't note who gave what, so prefer to do this later.

DD can appreciate her gifts when opened laater as not just ripping them open to get to the party.

Saves the "can I open it? play with it" issue - and then risk it getting opened/broken/lost.

Saves face if child gets duplicates and comments.

However if only a small party at home I can see why you would open presents at the party.. Sp very much depends on circumstances.

boardgames · 12/01/2010 22:27

I think if you are hosting the party its absolutely your choice.

Making the child wait can cause problems as can opening presents at the time. All part of the stress...er I mean fun.

KiwiKat · 12/01/2010 22:28

Here's a tip that I've found useful - when you're giving a gift, write what it is on the back of the card (or something like 'Hope you enjoy playing with X or reading Y' inside the card) so that the parent knows what you've given. I like to say thanks for the individual thing when I send a note or email afterwards, rather than just 'the present'. I love getting thank yous when I've made the effort to buy someone something I think they'll really like.

piscesmoon · 12/01/2010 22:28

Ignore them all! A DC gives a present and they want to see the DC open it-it also has the advantage that they can thank them at the time.
The reason they don't is because they have ridiculously large parties and it is an impersonal production line! DC hands present over-parent of birthday DC puts it in a bag. Birthday DC opens it when they have gone and parent keeps a list. Parent writes a letter that is supposed to be from DC who signs it, (if lucky) The actual DC has no idea who gave what, and the DC who gave it has no idea if they liked it.

RTKangaMummy · 12/01/2010 22:29

MNingatmidnight

we have always opened main Christmas pressies after lunch and the washing up is done ~ stockings 1st thing in morning still in PJs in our bed

cat64 · 12/01/2010 22:39

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zapostrophe · 12/01/2010 22:44

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