to allow my 4-year-old to open her presents at her birthday party?

[parakeet]

I'm discovering that at other childrens' parties, their parents seem to make their children wait until after the party. When I allowed my daughter to open her presents from the party guests as she received them, one mum even commented: "Oh, she's opening her presents!" as if it was something really odd. I don't understand. Isn't it rather sadistic to make them wait?

I always opened mine at the party when I was growing up. Is this something to do with the fact that I grew up Oop North, and since then have moved down South?

Or is it maybe because so far I have only had little parties for my daughter (four or five children, max), and the others seem to have larger affairs, so I suppose it would have taken them ages to open all their presents?

Please enlighten me.

Piscesmoon I do agree with you on one level (wanting to see ang gauge reaction), but disagree entirely about the DC not knowing who gave them what. My DD (3) was colouring in a book yesterday which she was given for her birthday in October. She asked me who gave it to her - I had no idea, but it turned out to be a rhetorical question - she told me 'it was X' - I later stumbled across the list and she was right. Similarly, DS (7) will refer to toys as "the lego set which Y gave me" - all said presents were opened post-party.

I have done exactly that Pisces. When my children had a big party at a sports centre for all the class I said no presents.

I think fine to open if small and in your house. More practical to save til after if there are lots of kids.

But for goodness sake, at least have the social grace to say thank you afterwards, even if it is a simple letter saying thank you for my birthday present (i.e. no specific details). It's just so rude to take presents and never say thanks....

Actually pisces I often agree with you and I am with you on hatred of the production line - I always at least used to make sure gift was given to the child rather than just a waiting parent.

But I agree with stealth as well - my DC always know who gave them what (and often how long ago, whether b/day or Christmas etc) - when I have no idea!

This is why I have never invited the other parents to any parties at my home. My DCs have always opened their gifts at their parties if they were held at home, and have said thank you to everyone who brought the gifts immediately they were opened, whether they liked the gift, or already had one, or whatever. I have always kept a quick list during the opening and made them write a note afterwards too. The gift-opening was always a really exciting time for the kids, lots of enthusiasm, lots of proud "I gave him/her XYZ" and beaming smiles. Definitely no cold production line, as far as I recall -- lots of ripping wrapping paper, and oohs and aaahs. And they're capable of remembering even now what so and so gave them when they were 7...

We have parties at home and we either save the presents for after or open them at the end as a nice sitting-down calming-down opportunity.
A couple of years ago DD1 opened her presents willy-nilly and I had no idea who'd given her what- she couldn't remember either, and they got left all over the house too.
She came downstairs in a new t shirt literally three weeks later and I'd never seen it! Finally worked out who it was from.

'The gift-opening was always a really exciting time for the kids, lots of enthusiasm, lots of proud "I gave him/her XYZ" and beaming smiles.'

That is what I mean-it should be joyous and the DCs love seeing their present opened! The production line is when this does't happen and they get a computerised letter-untouched by the DC-in many cases.

I agree with the general consensus that it depends on the size of the party and where it is.

If you have 20 excited children in a soft play area or about to be entertained in the church hall then it is impractical to try to unwrap and keep track of pressies and who sent what.

Small one at home fair enough.

Having said that we once went to a small party for a 3 year old in his own home. At some point in the party the Dad said "Right present opening!" He then let the little boy rip in to the presents willy nilly without even reading the tags to see who sent what. His wife (who was out of the room getting some food) came back in and was clearly furious wth him. Not only did she not know who had sent what for Thank You letters (and she was the type of person who would think that very important) but she had also missed seeing her DS open things.

5Foot5, I would have been furious too. I have the DCs write the thank you's for the benefit of the parents (whom I never invite to the parties). I usually feel a bit miffed if I don't see one after a party, I must admit.

You can keep track of who gave what if you write really fast, no matter how many kids are there, and just one word plus one corresponding name usually suffices. The ripping usually goes at a furious pace though . You have to keep your wits about you and slow them down if things are getting out of hand, remind them they must pause and say thank you very much ABC, after a gift has been opened. It's worth checking the pile of wrapping paper afterwards; some people include a receipt, especially if the gift was clothing, and some really thoughtful people send batteries along with gifts.