to allow my 4-year-old to open her presents at her birthday party?

[parakeet]

I'm discovering that at other childrens' parties, their parents seem to make their children wait until after the party. When I allowed my daughter to open her presents from the party guests as she received them, one mum even commented: "Oh, she's opening her presents!" as if it was something really odd. I don't understand. Isn't it rather sadistic to make them wait?

I always opened mine at the party when I was growing up. Is this something to do with the fact that I grew up Oop North, and since then have moved down South?

Or is it maybe because so far I have only had little parties for my daughter (four or five children, max), and the others seem to have larger affairs, so I suppose it would have taken them ages to open all their presents?

Please enlighten me.

I just think people do it the wrong way. They have huge parties when they are little, and would be happy with a couple of friends, and then by the time they get to 9 or 10 yrs where they really care if they get invited or not then people have scaled back! I found that 11yrs was a wonderful time to have a whole class party as they were about to change schools and go their different ways-not that I ever did the whole class one at any age!

Maybe pisces but I know my ds would be gutted now if he didnt get invited to someones party in his class.

I think as they go up the school then they get more friends in different classes anyway as the activities are much more mixed and they have tutor groups and all sorts.

i had a partyfor both DC's and i found it rather strange that i fell into the trap of putting them in bin bags on their arrival. It was a party for about 25 at a local place. I personally found it really impersonal, just putting them in a bag (practical maybe...but it felt wrong)I wouldnt do it again as it just didnt feel right for us. Half the pleasure is opening the presents and the procedure seemed to depersonalise the whole party. I think if they are opened as each child arrives,a genuine thankyou to their faces is nice(maybe im old fashioned)I know a thankyou letter can be written afterwards but sometimes cards get detached from presents in the melee.

Thank you to everyone who replied, I really did find that useful. It seems there is a genuine mix of opinion, so I shall continue to do it my way without fearing it will make me a social outcast.

I think the key thing is size of party, as many have pointed out (and I initially suspected). At our two parties so far, we only had about four or five presents to open, and it took no time at all. It was nice for the parents/children to see my daughter's pleasure and we could get our "thank you"s out of the way nicely.

As far as price comparisons go, I don't think children are that astute, at least not for some years yet, and as a parent, I wouldn't dream of making any such judgements. As for trying to avoid "regifting" embarrassments - well really, the regifters would have brought it on themselves...

Anyway, thanks again.

We do phonecalls to family for presents. As kids we had the option of phoning or writing and usually opted for phoning.
I don't see why some people think a written thankyou is worth more than a spoken thank you.
If kids bring a present to a party then I think a thank you from the recipient when you hand it over whether they open present then or not is enough. You've acknowledged the gift and thanked them for it.

2rebecca - I know what you mean but i find that it really helps for ds to think about who bought him what and then he's really thankful rather than taking it for granted iyswim.

I think its important that he takes time to write just as people have taken the time to get him presents. The time it takes him at this stage has more impact than him shouting thank you over his shoulder as he runs back to his party (as that is what invariably happens as he isnt very verbal).

I suppose I don't do that with adult friends. If I give an adult friend a present and they thank me for it then I consider myself thanked. Different if you post a present to someone, then I think the recipient should phone or right to acknowledge the present.
Making kids write thankyou letters is turture though, and 1 of mine is dyslexic.
As long as I've been thanked in some form for a present I'm happy.
I'd rather parents didn't torture their children by making them spend hours writing near identically worded letters but let them just play with my present.
Phone calls to relatives are nice for the kids as our relatives are distant and it's nice for them to hear the kids voices and ask them questions about their birthday/ Christmas, although sometimes you end up with several near identical phonecalls so I tend to space them out a bit.

Yes but you are able to say thank you like you mean it and explain why you like it - my ds cant really do any of that but he can write it down.

It isnt really torture for him to write it down anyway - its mildly inconvenient at worst - as are lots of things.

I dont write thank you cards but I do send a note if I have been over to someones for dinner or they have gone the extra mile to do something for me - its just courtesy isnt it...

'As far as price comparisons go, I don't think children are that astute, at least not for some years yet, and as a parent, I wouldn't dream of making any such judgements. As for trying to avoid "regifting" embarrassments - well really, the regifters would have brought it on themselves...'

My feelings exactly! Glad you feel free to do it your own way. No one should feel emotionally backmailed into having a large party or having to follow the norm-if they don't like it.

Easy dont have partyies

My DS1 did come hoem from a party last years saying Jimbob didnt open his present do you think he didnt like it? SO that has decided it for me

Does no one else do what we did when the children were younger?

Certain shops let you have a "birthday basket".

Child chooses things they would like & puts them in a basket-guests buy something from it.

No. Don't like that idea at all.

When I was a child presents were always opened at the party with everyone sitting round. It would have been thought odd to have hoarded them for later. I'm in the South and everyone I knew did it this way.

Are the parents of guests such sensitive souls that they need to be shielded from any potential embarrassment? And surely even quite a young child can be taught to accept a present graciously, whatever it might be?

I've noticed this too - the presents get slung in a pile and ignored, and presumably opened later. At first I thought it was odd - DS has only ever had small parties and opens the presents as they are given.

But at a big party, it makes sense as it would take ages, and everyone's excited and running around. Plus I'm actually glad not to have the present we've given opened in front of us, in case it's not liked or they already have it etc. and it's embarrassing. It must be nice to open the pressies calmly later.

I like it opened in front of me and then I can tell if it is successful or not. If they obviously don't like it I would avoid it another time. It is also good for teaching DCs to receive graciously.

I remember as a child only really enjoying 3 aspects of birthday partis - the cake, the present opening and the party bags! I could take or leave the games or entertainment or expensive novelty venue. I loved seeing what presents they got. I don't see why it would be a problem either way, logistically it's sometimes just easier to open them afterwards, especially if the party is not at home.

Parties, even. Though 'partis' pretty much sums up what I wanted to do at parties.

noone else just does cash in a card then? am so relieved i don't have to buy a bit of old tat any more and just stick a fiver in the birthday card . that seems to be the rule rather than the exception at my ds' class parties - they're 5 and 7

We usually do parties at the soft play. They put them all in a bin liner for you to take home.

This year we did ds1's party at home for 9 school friends. He opened the presents as they were given to him, which was nice... but one boy kept wanting to play with all the presents... following me round wanting me to open boxes of stuff and get it out of all those awkward little bits of twisted wire.

So next time I think I'll stil let him open the pressies, cos it was really easy to thank the parents when they came to pick up their child. I just won't invite that particular child

cash? now I know you're joking - the cards get such short shrift all the money would be lost round our way...

£5 in a card quite common up here. The kids seem to like it.

Wow that would be fantastic and so easy! Never happens in my circles.

diddl, is that an American tradition? I've never heard of it here

sanfairyann - yes it's great, isn't it. No buying plastic tat and the children get the excitement of spending the money on something they want, or putting it in their bank account!