Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to allow my 4-year-old to open her presents at her birthday party?

109 replies

parakeet · 12/01/2010 21:29

I'm discovering that at other childrens' parties, their parents seem to make their children wait until after the party. When I allowed my daughter to open her presents from the party guests as she received them, one mum even commented: "Oh, she's opening her presents!" as if it was something really odd. I don't understand. Isn't it rather sadistic to make them wait?

I always opened mine at the party when I was growing up. Is this something to do with the fact that I grew up Oop North, and since then have moved down South?

Or is it maybe because so far I have only had little parties for my daughter (four or five children, max), and the others seem to have larger affairs, so I suppose it would have taken them ages to open all their presents?

Please enlighten me.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 12/01/2010 22:57

DC not at school yet but

Round here it's always presents opened on giving, in my social group and with our kids anyway.

YANBU

(we are in south east, in case anyone keeping geographical present opening spreadsheet)

SE13Mummy · 12/01/2010 23:01

We do a mixture. DD has had about 8 friends to her most recent parties (aged 4 and 5), opened the pressies given by those children who wanted her to open them and saved those given by the ones who weren't that bothered. All children were able to sit down and make badges/decorate gingerbread men when they arrived if they wanted so no-one had to watch presents being opened if they didn't want to.

Oh, and she wrote all her own thank you letters albeit with phonetic spelling so some rather dodgy gifts e.g. strip tits (stripey tights) have been acquired!

secretgardin · 12/01/2010 23:03

my ds has always waited until after the party. that way we can keep track of whom the presents have come from when he writes the thank you cards. ds has never noticed or commented on it, especially as he is hyped up on sugar and more interested in playing with his friends saying that a family member let her ds open his presents at his last party as he was really excited and didn't want to wait. depends on the child

KiwiKat · 12/01/2010 23:04

My tip of writing what your present is on the back of the card makes it sound like I don't want to see the present opened - I DO. I think it's important to say thanks then and there, and so nice to see people's faces when they open the presents.

AlpenCrazy · 12/01/2010 23:21

i think u should do whatever the hell u like sod everyone else. most kids round here open after but i went to a smallish house one last yr where the very polite little girl opened them and it was enchanting watching her excited face and lovely to hear the thanks rather than get some card she's been forced to write. this is all of course nice for adults but the other kids are prob not interested.

she opened and thanked as people gave ie as they arrived, it was all done quite quickly whilst others were dancing etc waiting for party to start so no great shakes

friendlyedjit · 12/01/2010 23:31

depends on party and child and how everyone feels on the day... and don't worry about anyone else. I suspect there is no right answer-the old days are just not long enough to accomodate everyone!

SpeedyGonzalez · 12/01/2010 23:35

YANBU. I've always found it odd that some people react that way when I let DS open his pressies. I do demand a fair amount of good behaviour from my DS (age 3) but frankly I think making a young child wait until they get home is control freaky and just a weeny bit unkind. It's like making kids wait hours to open their Xmas presents - why??? Let them enjoy their excitement, FGS.

As far as 'what doe the guests do while DC opens pressies', surely everyone else at the party should be capable of entertaining themselves? Should all one's guests be hand-held into having fun?

SpeedyGonzalez · 12/01/2010 23:36

Oh, parakeet - I'm a southerner, born and bred. Def not a North/ South thing, just a common sense thing .

piscesmoon · 13/01/2010 07:25

I don't think that it is a north/south thing. I just hate the production line part and it is so souless. If I give a present I want to see the person open it. A DC gets all excited about buying a present and they never get to see it opened and they never see the reaction of the other DC. And then the parent writes some impersonal letter for the DC and then they recycle it to the charity shop! If you have a party too big to open presents I think it would be better to request no presents!

domesticextremist · 13/01/2010 07:41

Interesting that people think that it somwhow deprives the child if they open later - at the parties I go to the dcs arent that interested in the presents - they are more interested in racing about/causing havoc etc with their mates.

And one of the reasons for doing it after is so that you can write down who brought what and the dc can do a personalized card.

piscesmoon · 13/01/2010 07:47

The personalised card is a laugh-the parent does it on the computer! A 6yr old DC can't be expected to write 29 letters by hand.
The parent writes 'thank you for the lego, I like playing with it. I hope you enjoyed my party. love xxx' It would be so much better to open it-see the reaction and give a thank you verbally and cut out the parental letter. It is all so cold and impersonal IMO.

domesticextremist · 13/01/2010 07:48

No - my year 1 ds writes 15 by hand...it doesnt take very long at all...

bubblagirl · 13/01/2010 07:50

its fine if thats what you want to do myself and other parents let our children open them once others have gone its more so the others don't take over the toys and break them, parents don't feel embarrassed if not got much in the opinion

and also if ds doesn't like a present as children have no way of smiling and saying thats lovely they are normally more than honest if not liking it saves parent who got it feeling upset

my ds will be 5 and having party in funhouse this yr with 15 children no way would i let him undo all presents there we would wait until he came home

cory · 13/01/2010 07:50

Round here they open after if it's one of those invite-the-whole-class-to-softplay affairs, but if it's a select party at home they open then and there. Doesn't have to be boring to the other kids; some quite like to see their present opened.

bubblagirl · 13/01/2010 07:52

also my son has never been bothered when to open presents his normally more happy dancing and playing with friends and when winding down when they have gone have the extra joys of opening there presents rather than feeling sad that its all over now

lilacclaire · 13/01/2010 07:53

Well my DS put a new turn on present opening the last party he was invited to.

He ran towards party girl with carefully wrapped present, unwrapping it as he ran and loudly shouting what it was, he was only 4 mind you.

That would solve the dilemma, no?

bubblagirl · 13/01/2010 07:54

most mums i know never feel sure about the present they have chose and would rather child opens present after they have gone i think each to there own my son would rather wait as he'd rather play with his friends he would unwrap move to one side open as quick as he can so he can get back to plying again i would rather he had time to sit and really enjoy the present

piscesmoon · 13/01/2010 07:55

It has been blood, sweat and tears (on my part) to get my DSs to do handwritten letters to grandparents and other family members-perhaps you could pass on your secret to get them to write an additional 15?

domesticextremist · 13/01/2010 08:01

I dunno - we only do about 5 in one sitting and then come back to it later. Ds genuinely likes doing them for his classmates - family is another matter - think he likes to show off his handwriting iyswim (not that its any great shakes).

He sort of likes being reminded who got him what as well. He looks after The List in his room to make sure it doesnt get lost.

Hulababy · 13/01/2010 08:07

My 7y DOES write her thank you cards herself. We cheat a little in that we might produce a template card r notelet ont he computer or via Snapfish. But she does then add details such as her name and their name, plus one sentence on each saying why she liked the item she got. She has done this since starting school, and before that always added her name herself (she could do this from just before she was 3y)

posieparker · 13/01/2010 08:13

I had parties at home and opened them straight away, my dss have had big parties and we've not opened them because there's such a fuss about getting the right thank you for the right present and I'd never remember!

whoopstheregoesmymerkin · 13/01/2010 08:32

If it's just a couple of mates for tea then yes, if it's a party party then noooooooo.

I went to a one year old's party once where the parents made us all sit down (they were all adult guests) while they opened each gift in turn and the father paraded it round the circle like a game show host.
It was excruciatingly awful.

piscesmoon · 13/01/2010 08:44

I think that goes to the other extreme, and is evern worse, whoops!
I think it perfectly OK if you have a DC who is willing to write personal letters-my pet hate is the parental computerised ones that aren't worth the waste of paper. I just hate huge parties-so ignore me! I prefer real friends, small in number on a personal scale with verbal thanks and no letters. Each to their own.

domesticextremist · 13/01/2010 09:06

Yes pisces - when my ds gets older smaller will be the way to go I think - atm he doesnt have proper friends though so any choosing 5 or so would be a bit arbitrary and if I had 7 then the rest of the class would be a bit mortified I think.

diddl · 13/01/2010 09:12

I think it depends on age & size of party.

Mine have small parties & even if going somewhere, it seems to be "the thing" to meet at birthday childs house before or after to open presents.