to think that size 14 is NOT that bad?

[Coldhands]

I have always been naturally thin, to the point where I wanted to put on weight. At school I actually used to get asked if I was anorexic (I was not). Sometimes commenting on being 'skinny' (hate that word) is just as bad as commenting on 'fat' people.

Anyway, I put on loads of weight after having DS and it has taken me a very long time to shift it as I can't exercise. I was wearing size 14 clothes for quite a while after, which I didn't think was that bad. Now I am back to a 12, I have had loads of comments about the weight I have lost (which does make me feel good). When I look back at the photos, yes I looked bigger than I thought I was at the time, and for me it was unnatural after always having been thin.

I bumped into a distant reletive the other day who said "oh you've lost weight" Great I thought, then she started going on and on and on about how big I was, and she lost her baby weight straight away when she had her DD (this woman is not particularly slim herself btw), and how I took soooo long to lose weight as I got so big. I told her I was only a size 14 (she thought I said 14 stone and went on about that for a bit). In the end I just "hmmmed" along until she shut up.

AIBU to think that a 14 is NOT big? Obviously I am much happier being a 12, I would say I am now slim but I have curves (and a few more wobbly bits than I would like, but we can't have everything ), and what is this bloody obsession that everyone has about weight? I recently read that a size 12 was a plus model size! WTF is that about!!

I'm 5 foot 9 and a size 12/14 (12 at skinniest, 14 when I'm not exercising) and no-one ever believes me. It is all to do with height and proportion, as others have said.

As others have said, the size label of your lothing is not a good indicator of how you look. I am a size 10-12 and 5ft 7, i was a size 12-14 but have lost weight because i have been so busy. I do think that i looked better at size 12-14 because i am big boned and look underweight at the moment. I am actively trying to GAIN weight.
To answer the OP's question, it depends on height, body shape etc. My sister has broad shoulders, so she has to buy size 14 or 16 tops, but if you saw her, you would say that she was very slim.

ditto what others have said.

I'm usually a size 8. I'm 5'4'' but of a slim frame. I was bedbound during pregnancy and went up to a size 12, I looked like a whale. I look normal at a size 8, no too thin or anything, just healthy. And I feel it.

I was a size 12-14 pre-DS (am 37). Now a 16 and actively trying to get to.......

........a size 14.

A 14 is not huge IMO. I look good as a 14 - or so I thought.

Gobsmacked, I meant I was skinny at school. I was a 8-10 and 5"7. There was just no 'meat' on me as many people put it. When I got to early 20's I went to a 12 and stayed there until I got pregnant. Thats what I meant by going back to a 12. Sorry, wasn't explained very well.

Interesting to read all the replies. I agree with many. A size 14 isn't ideal (for me anyway), and shops are such a nightmare with their varying sizes. My favourite shop, Jane Norman is a bloody nightmare with their ridiculously small sizes. And having been left with big boobs doesn't help trying to find clothes either. Maybe MN should start a fashion line of our own with REAL sizes. Although from what I've read, the current size 12 would be a 14 again, so I would be back where I started, lol.

I looked at this when it was 6 pages, in a few hrs it's 14 .

I was going to add that I hope a size 14 isn't big (and I'm only 5'5) since my last trousers were a 16, not been that since immediately post pregnancy.

When I was depressed and lost loads of weight I still couldn't get into a size 10 though, and if you add my massive boobs into the equation.

OP what I think is most annoying is the way a woman is seen as clever when she's managed to loose the baby weight. After DS1 I lost weight due to anxiety (pre work rather than PND) and found it hard when people complimented me and I felt like shit inside.

Just caught a bit of Gok on E4, he's got the right idea. It's how you feel that makes you look good.

I just think shops take account of their market - their sizing isn't a 'lie'.

So teenagers head for Topshop and their sizing allows for the fact that the average women weighs less as a teen and the 13 yrolds shopping in there have not even finished growing.
I'm 35 and take that into account when I shop there- feel no shame about a Topshop 16- some of you talk like the shops with the smallest sizes have to be right- why not Dorothy Perkins or M&S who have to accommodate the over 60s bosoms and the the people in their 30s who's hips have widened with babies?

Yes as a nation we are getting fatter and that is a serious health concern. However, that does not mean that just because a size 14 today may be larger than a 14 30 years ago, that a 14 today is unhealthy. It depends on myriad other factors. If it's aesthetically pleasing is in the eye of the beholder and entirely subjective.

I am with you, BUT size 14 is a bit big for most women. I used to be 12/14 and fit and got compliments, one DC later I am a firm 14 and get NO compliments, in fact a few friends have asked me 'if I plan to excercise' which means they think i have let myself go!!!! for some reason most of my friends are in the 10 to 12 range unfortunately.

However I understand whjere you are coming from, as I am sure you were nowehere near obsese B4 you lost the weight! so a compliment is actually an insult, as its like they are saying you looked shit before!!!

I will prob get flamed but I think UK culture is a bit too accepting of extra chunkage. Alot of people eat shit and are a bit overweight here.

But my plans for 2010 weightloss are scuppered as am PG, so roll on size 16, weep....

Jane Norman size 12 hangs off me, it is the only place Igo down to a size 10 - even when I was 8 stone I was never ever a size 10 due to my hip bones sticking out.

What I don't get is this big bone thing - if you are 5f3 you will have the smae size ones as someone else 5f3. If you are 5f7 then of course you will have bigger bones than someone who is 5f3 but the smae size bones as someone who is 5f7. Ok one of you may have a longer body and shorter legs and visa versa.

But Bones has nothing to do with weight - really.

the only difference will be the density and this canges with the menopause and you can lose bone density.

Basicly a skeleton is a skeleton and we have varying amounts of fat and muscels.

If you have over 30% fat on your body regardless of your overall size - you are putting your health in danger.

You cannot tell from BMI whether your body has to much fat %. Your BMI could be fine and your fat % dangerous.
this will give a rough guide more so than a dress size that could be variable on how much money there is for cloth

Before I had ds I was always a size 6-8 (am 5.2 so slim not skinny). When I got pregnant I put on lots of weight, I honestly didn't eat like a pig but it went on everywhere. After having ds there was no way I could fit into my old clothes and I was wearing size 14 clothes for the first 2 months. It took me a year to lose all of the weight but even when I had lost the weight I found that I was a size 10 which for me was still quite big. At ds's first birthday party a few people congratulated me on losing weight but my mum kept going on about how massive I had been and she had never seen me so big before and was shocked when she visited 5 days after ds's birth because I still looked pregnant.

I'm now pregnant again and true to form the weight is piling on again and my mum keeps saying she doesn't understand why I have put weight on in my face and my arms. My mum is not a bitchy person by any means but she fails to understand how insensitive her comments are, I had an eating disorder when I was a teenager so you would think she would know better.

Mil isn't much better she bought me enough chocolates at Christmas to sink a ship. Normally she knows that I prefer people not to buy me chocolates but in her words she wants to see me fat. Also couldn't understand why I didn't want to stand in the front when we had the dreaded family photo, and kept insisting on taking random photos of me when I was eating christmas pudding. Because photos of people eating with pregnant bloated faces are so flattering aren't they?

I despair, I really do.

You can't judge by the dress size. My bra size is a 36F. You try fitting them into a size 14 dress!

Ivykaty, that's simply not true about bone structure. Skeletons are not all the same for people of the same height. If I were a size 12 (I mean a proper one, say 10 stone - dream on me) I would look very very slender indeed because of my body structure. I have a wide pelvis - my hips simply couldn't get much smaller than about 37 inches without me looking dreadful. Some people have much narrower pelvises than me and all the extra inches would be fat.

Your mother and MIL sound completely bonkers, dollshouse.

I am size 14-16 and widely considered to be bloody gorgeous!

I am fairly tall and very well-proportioned (well, not at the moment: am 38 wks pg and resemble Mr Greedy, he he he). I have never been skinny, and wouldn't want to be - it just would suit me. It's more important to be healthy and feel good about yourself.

OP: YANBU. Size 14 is NOT big, it's lovely!

Georgimamma - I think the issue is their own weight. My mum has always been slightly overweight and MIL used to be very obese but is now at the opposite end of the spectrum, although to maintain her weight she literally doesn't eat. I sometimes find that people who have issues with their own weight have an unhealthy obsession with other peoples weight.

Very true, thedollshouse. I have NEVER spent longer than 5 minutes with my mum without her commenting negatively on my weight or appearance in some way. I know this stems from her own negative body image, so find it quite easy to ignore.

I dream of being a 14. I dream of being any 'normal' size. If you are happy with your weight and feel you look ok, then that's fine. It doesn't matter what other people think (although I'd prefer not to have complete strangers shouting insults at me as I walk down the road), as what is right for one person may not be right for another.

At work, one of my colleagues was poking at her practically non-existent belly and complaining that she was getting fat. I'd LOVE to have so little belly... But for her, it's too much, whereas for me it's an unattainable dream.

Oh my mum is similarly obsessed, or at least she was when I was young but in the last few years she has maintained a healthy weight with which she is happy and is much less hung up on food and weight. I'm sure part of the reason I have struggled with weight and food is very early memories of my mother on the F plan, the Cambridge plan, the Hay (sp) diet, WW, SW etc etc. Basically I grew up believing that it was normal for an adult woman to loathe her size and constantly be dieting. Not good.

I'm just surprised in view of you actually having had an eating disorder that they are so insensitive.

Your structur will be of a varable sixe within such a small amount that it really isn't going to make a hugh difference.

Your pelvis will change after you have given birth and an examination of your skelaton you would be able to tell whether you had given birth or not.

But i am sure you can look at someone walking down the street and be able to tell with your eyes alone.

Sorry, just don't agree. There are many women of my height with much narrower pelvis than me(pre-childbirth I found the same thing); my hip bones are simply very far apart. Never heard of "child bearing hips"? That's what I've got. Lard on top I admit but the bones themselves are pretty widely spaced.

I am a 12-14 at the moment and feel distinctly porky as am only 5ft2ins. Look better at size 10 - still have a stone or more of baby weight to lose.

Have friends who are taller with big hips who look fabulous at a size 14 and who would look terrible if a size 10.

The French are OBSESSED with size and weight. Was furious with my French cousin who, having been told by paediatrician to top his tiny 5-month old with formula, said he and his wife were concerned the baby will get fat!

No
issues in that family then....

I asked this very same question in a thread about a month ago

Similar to OP, was a size 10 from the age of 16-36, had a baby a year ago and am now a 14 which I am trying to reduce (I have already lost over a stone so was even bigger - a 16) - and I am finding it v difficult and slow as well, partly because I am insulin resistant and your body fights against weight loss.

At my (above average) height, and it really does depend as others have said, on height and how the weight is proportioned, I am not aesthetically pleasing to myself, rather than being actually unhealthy (as people have tiresomely suggested).

The body fascism in Britain is starting to become quite relentless. I want to lose the weight because I prefer how I look at a smaller size. But I wouldn't go around preaching the size that others ought to be. It seems to come from such an insecure, hectoring place. And when you are trying hard to lose weight it is slightly demoralising when people are bellowing that you are a fat, outta control, unhealthy lump.

If you like the way you look and how you feel, then a size 14 is absolutely fine.

If you dont like how you look and how you feel as a size 14, then it isnt fine (unless you have a warped perception of your body and want to be a size zero or something ridiculous).

I am 5 foot 9, illness made my weight drop to 7 1/2 stone, was a US size zero (UK size 4), looked horrendous. Have also been a size 10-12. Pre/ post first pregnancy, was back to to 8-10 and that is where I think I look the best!

Whatever works for you!