Another wedding/bridesmaid one!

[weddingdilemma]

Have namechanged for this. I am getting married in the summer and am having several grown up bridesmaids. They are all good friends of mine. Since asking them one has fallen pregnant with her first baby, I am absolutely thrilled for her but am a bit concerned about the wedding. She is due 3 weeks before the wedding and IMO will not really be available for bridesmaids duties (i.e helping organise people, getting ready with me for a few hours etc) as her priority will be quite rightly her new baby. She however doesn't see this and thinks there won't be a problem. I still want her to be involved but perhaps as a more honorary bridesmaid therefore leaving her free to come and go with the baby etc. I just think she is not being very realistic about how much attention a newborn will need over the course of the day, she is planning on breastfeeding.

There is no way you are going to be able to make her understand how much of a challenge the wedding day is likely to be for her this side of her having the baby.

Just carry on with the plans, knowing all along that it's likely she'll have to scale back on her involvement on the day, and when she (almost certainly) does, it will all be fine.

And let her be as involved as she feels like on the day.

I can't really see the issue here, particularly as you have three adult women all helping. There's not really that much to do.

Presumably you are thinking of replacing her then? With someone who will be free to do all the 'duties'?

Agree with skidoodle, I can't see the problem either. She does what she can on the day, no prob.

Guys really why can't you see the problem????

1. The op will have to buy a bridesmaid dress that might not be used/ probably won't fit

1. Who will look after the baby when bridesmaid walks down the aisle and it's father is best man

THAT IS THE PROBLEM

jeez

We had dresses like this
Mine was bought two sizes above my usual (my choice, I knew i was getting v fat) and I had it taken in the week before so it fit over the bust. I wore control underwear and felt fine.

They are planning on leaving the baby in the maxicosi thing in the vestry!

I think worrying about those two things is incredibly patronising. Presumably this woman is aged over 12 and will be able to think of this stuff herself when the time comes.

And perhaps, i don't know, the incredibly important bridey weddingy things that are followed utterly slavishly might actually have to be re-jigged a little on the day

This is all a complete non problem

I am due to be a bridesmaid for DP's sister in August this year along with 2 other adults and my two DDs. One of the other adult bridesmaids is due with twins around three weeks before the wedding!

When we found out she was expecting we all decided that the other adult bridesmaid and I would do all the bridesmaid-y stuff (helping organise wedding stuff as the groom is a bit of a nightmare in that department, sorting dresses, hen do etc)and that the expectant mum can do whatever she feels comfortable doing, both before and during the wedding. She is more than happy with this, and is still thrilled to be part of the bride's big day (however limited that part may be).

As for the dress, we are all in empire-line floaty dresses anyway and they are being made by a local seamstress, so if we need the dresses adjusting it shouldn't be an issue.

I don't think you sound like a bridezilla, just let your friend decide how much she wants to do. I went to a wedding (albeit not as bridesmaid) when DD2 was 10 days old, and I felt perfectly fine. I just took myself of to feed her whenever she needed it, and she happily slept in her carseat throughout the reception!!

kat - was that Ok then as I had ruled out strapless due to maternity/feeding bra issues! Maybe I am overthinking things!

1. Who cares?

1. Some options

a) maybe she doesn't walk down the aisle

b) maybe she carries the baby with her

c) maybe it's the sort of baby that a friend could hold in the front row until the mother arrives

If I were the friend, I think I would be grateful for the OP giving me options. Being guilt-tripped into being a BM (as so many people are,) is no fun [face of bitter experience emoticon]

Oh well I guess if the baby isn't sleeping in the vestry but instead screaming the church down she can walk her lo round the graveyard while you get married

I don't think money for a bridesmaid dress that might never get used is a non issue but that's probably cos I'm not rolling in it

well yes cirrhosis perhaps she will but at the moment she hasn't thought about those things and it is making me a little concerned. I would rather not suddenly have to change plans a week before the wedding.

I'm not rolling in it either, so I didn't have a big wedding with numerous adult bridesmaids, a best man, and a reception.

change plans??????????

how would they have to change, in any way that mattered? I am really trying to see this, but just can't.

skidoodle - sorry but i don't want a BM carrying a baby down the aisle and I don't think that makes me a bridezilla!

cirrhosis - well that's probably because you didn't have the same sort of wedding that I'm having.

in that case you need to be perfectly frank with her abotu your expectations, because she may not know that you don't want her carrying the baby down the aisle / in photos etc

Well, I have to say the very fact that you have named yourself "wedding dilemma" about this (non) issue, and your wish not to have a baby carried down the aisle..............how much more bridezilla-ish could you be?!

What sort are you having, dahlink?

"sorry but i don't want a BM carrying a baby down the aisle and I don't think that makes me a bridezilla!"

this really is a classic and still making me smile

However I do realise that we are not ever going to be singing from the same hymn sheet and I will leave you to it

If you feel it is a non-issue cirrhosis then please don't feel compelled to comment.

My dd suggests you have elaborate headdresses and she can conceal the baby thus.

[peers into crystal ball]

formal matching bridesmaids' dresses, ushers in suits
family / friends expected to do chores
worried re overspending

perhaps ambitious is the word?