To feel depressed that exW took DSSs to Miami

[Bonsoir]

for a fortnight at Christmas and for them to have come back having gained a huge new Abercrombie & Fitch wardrobe and 4kgs apiece?

I could eat two croissants no problemo (and am not actually overweight). Surely this croissant argument is a matter of personal taste and preference - eating two croissants won't make you fat, if they're a treat and you generally eat a wide range of mainly healthy food - it's your general habits that count.

Midori I am not at all with Bonsoir on this thread but you shouldn't descend to personal attacks.

I love croissants! But only one at a time!

And I love fresh baguette and jam too! About a quarter of a baguette is perfect for breakfast.

Odd that people don't think weighing a child is classed as abuse. My own DSD was weighed by her birth mother an dhad her eating controlled, as mentioned earlier in the thread and is now bulimic with serious body issues and self harms.

It is clear by the linked thread (obviously not fabirctaed) where Bonsoir is calling a perfectly normal looking woman with a healthy BMI fat that her views on the subject are more than somewhat skewed.

Bonsoir - for someone who always talks about how busy they are parenting and step-parenting, you seem to find a huge amount of time to spend on Mumsnet posting about all manner of lunacy. Methinks you have more time than you suggest, and are bored to the point of madness.

FWIW, I think the weight gain is pretty awful, but the attitude you and your DP are displaying to it is even worse. You are not teaching them healthy eating at all - to lose all the weight in that short a period is classified by most doctors (including every doctor I ever went to in France) as unhealthy.

Golly talk about a massive over reaction by posters - its like chinese whispers gone mad.

As someone posted earlier - its pretty understandable to be upset if one parent lets the dc's eat rubbish all the time etc to be fed up when you have to then be the 'sensible' parent.

And I thought mn etiquette was not to drag stuff over from other threads or am I wrong.

"Midori I am not at all with Bonsoir on this thread but you shouldn't descend to personal attacks"

Yes, that is fair enough, and I agree and apologise.

Midori - a parent weighing his or her own child would not be classed as abuse in any country I have ever visited or lived in.

You would get soundly told off by a HCP here if you didn't have basic facts about your own child (weight, height, shoe size) at your fingertips. That might be quietly flagged up as somewhat laissez-faire parenting...

Well fwiw I also thought that model had big thighs and a very unsightly tummy

I am sure that you are very happy with your lot and you are certainly very confident. But reading your posts you do come across as being joyless.

The boys went on holiday at christmas. They ate shite, probably stayed up too late and got non-chic attire. This is what normal families do.

Could you not have just welcomed them back with open arms and tell them how much you missed them instaed of subjecting them to the third degree weight wise? You could have silently noted the extra pounds - instead you now have a paranoid 12 year old who thinks he is fat.

lambanana - of course we welcomed them back with open arms and lots of celebration - we had a big family reunion on their first night back, with birthday celebrations and Christmas celebrations and lots of exchange. Ca va de soi.

But you know, the DSSs are not stupid - no-one needed to point out to them what had happened to them - they were more than aware. What they do need is some support and encouragement to remedy it.

I think that weighing and adjusting your diet to stay at the exact same weight and thinking about weight/food all the time is unhealthy.

The obsession with food/weight whether over or under weight suggests disordered eating and a tendency to over control.

I just think it's much more profitable and enjoyable to have a fully rounded life where you have lots of interesting hobbies and work.

If people genuinely say that they weigh themselves, make minor adjustments and don't fret or obsess unhealthily about weight then fine - but that's not whats coming across on this thread.

Also I think generally that noticing they have come back overweight is just for you to notice without saying or doing anything about it to them - you can adjust their food intake a little without making it a big deal for them. I generally don't think focussing on food with teenagers is a good thing as it can lead much more quickly to an eating disorder as they already feel life is out of control for them.

Seriously? Your HCP has asked your child's shoe size? In France?

I am definately seeing the wrong HCP's in Paris!

I need to go out into the real world now - but must say I've enjoyed this thread immensely!

I agree 4kg is a lot of weight to gain in 2 weeks. I do not dispute your view that the boys might need to lose it. I just differ from you in your opinion (or your DP's) opinion of how to go about doing this.

PS: I also agree on the one croissant rule - it is true noone would ever take more than one at breakfast.

I don't think you can say just the act of weighing is abusive - after all the HV does it to small children. It's the pressure to be the "approved" weight that is dangerous and that can happen even without weighing.

Hands up everyone, we have to admit anna is such a good sport!
Anna, you have handled the attacks admirably, maybe you should call for this thread to end....or are you having too much fun?

Seriously, on a more caring note, there are some underlying issues you do not seem to want to address here and understandably so as we have not been kind.
whenever you are ready.

x

They measure everything here! Like the dentist - she measures the children's jaw. And all those analyses measuring God knows what in your blood and urine!

But doesnt everyone (not you I hasten to add!) overindulge at christmas? A good few weeks of healthy eating will sort them out especially if they are with you and you are in charge of meals. They surely dont need support and encouragement to go on a "crash" diet.

Bonsoir, it is not just about weighing them for information purposes though, is it?! It is about weighing them and putting them ona 'regime' to lose weight, despite the fact they apparently can fit no more exercise in as they already do so much, and apprently usually eat healthily at least 50% of the time.

My eldest son is 13. I have no idea what he weighs. He is on the alim side, (that runs in our family) despite eating plenty of very healthy food and yes, some junk food ocassionally. He is in rude health and has only ever had to visit the GP once in his whole life, he never gets ill. Why would I need to weigh him? I also know from experience that he can go on holiday for two weeks, eat as much and whatever he likes (which is a lot, he has a huge appetite and eats more than most adults I know) and not visably gain any weight, so I find it hard to imagine two teen boys of a healthy weight gaining so much in two weeks away.

Someone has already mentioend that 9st for a 15 year old boy is between the 50th and 75th centile, which would be classed as healthy. Not entirely sure why you're prepared to give his weight but not his height?

No there aren't any "underlying issues" that I am not ready to address. I genuinely believe that the British have as big a taboo about weight and education surrounding weight as the French have a taboo about selective education! Of course, I can have the shocking debates with French people about education in RL .

SofaQueen - I live in North London and can assure you I do not know a single child (or indeed a parent) who is overweight - we are quite capable parents.

Oh dear, LadyBiscuit - nowhere did I say that English parents were not good parents (wow, you take comments based on fact very personally!), and it is a bit disingenuous to think that although you might not know any overweight people in North London, that there aren't any overweight people there and that there is not a growing problem with obesity because you don't know any overweight people.

FWIW, I was referring to the glowing media praise of Segolene surrounding pictures of her on the beach in her bikini, not if she was a wonderful political candidate. She is an embarassment, very true.

lambanana - of course nearly everyone eats richer/different food at Christmas, though whether you eat more overall is pretty much personal preference - I ate a few meals of vegetable soup and/or fresh fruit to recover from my Christmas dinner because I hate feeling indigested and overfed.

If the boys always put on weight at Christmas time (and then lost it easily), I suppose we wouldn't be as worried, but firstly I have never seen this happen to them before at Christmas, and secondly DSS2 does not lose weight easily at all.

If I may add to the freakish weight obsession:

Was in the south of france last summer. DD (15mths) had a fever and took her to the Dr.
The first thing she said was:

• Oh odes she eat a lot?

-I say :well she's enthousiastic as I just stopped breastfeeding... -Jaw drops at plump breastfed baby and then: she's a bit plump, you should cut out the milk and switch to non fat dairy altogether!

Needless to say the fever was merely acknowledged in the midst of the lecture.

Anna - as I said earlier in the thread, I do believe you are for real. We have almost nothing in common and I disagree wholeheartedly with much of what you post and we have had a little spat on a number of threads in the past. (I would suggest, from the way you come across, that you are more unhealthily obsessed with weight than you care to admit and you use the fact of living in smart Parisian society to justify your thinking).

But just wanted to say that I am ashamed to be a Mumsnetter today having seen some of the disgusting personal comments made towards you on this thread. You would be quite justified in reporting a number of these posters, although if you do not their crude bullying will remain online for all to see at any time ...

Perhaps, as someone else suggested, you should stop posting now and let this thread die. It is not a pretty sight.

No why doesn't the posters who have the size of a brain like a walnut stop posting, and realise that its her opinion, and although they dont agree with it, stop making it into a personal attack.

Ive been on here 3 days and some of you claim to be adults and yet behave like a unruly 3 year old, who has a bigger brain to know that what they are doing is wrong!

God this site is incredibly absurd at times!

Grow up and think and realise that people have different opinions to yourself (even if out their) and act and behave like a adult!

Gawd I sometimes feel as if I am in the school playground!

bibbitybobbitysantahat - I agree, I think everything has been said too many times over!

I rarely have problems with personal attacks, though they are not enjoyable - the attacker reveals a lot about herself and her own values, which is always interesting! But thanks for the moral support.

I can't possibly read all the thread madness, but I do think people genuinely don't realise how differently they do things in France re health, weight, education. You can't hurl abuse and British attitudes at Anna anymore than you could at someone from any different country.

Well you can, but it's a bit silly, innit.