To feel depressed that exW took DSSs to Miami

[Bonsoir]

for a fortnight at Christmas and for them to have come back having gained a huge new Abercrombie & Fitch wardrobe and 4kgs apiece?

And seriously - why are you waiting for the sales to buy the boys some pants that fit?

YABU

and bonkers

you sound utterly poisonous imo if you're party to convincing a teenager they have an eating disorder just because they've put on a bit of weight. Given your DP's and your obsession with weight gain, I'd be seeking counselling on eating disorders yourselves...

are you going for the award for wicked stepmother of the year or something??

"Actually, I think the DP is as much to blame. He clearly also has some food issues."

tbf I think the DP is ENTIRELY to blame, Anna seems to take her cues from him and they are his children.

Oh bloody hell, you did march him to the scales when he got home, didn't you?

The poor child. Bulimia beckons, I fear...

We all think that children need both their parents - hence shared residency. The children want this too - there isn't much aggro about the time the children spend at each house at all these days (though a lot of negotiation goes on). However, shared residency does not imply shared parenting, apparently

Stop your wild inventions, LongTallJosie. I have never been near the scales with the DSSs or asked them to get on them - they do anyway, of their own volition, or if DP asks them to.

"We all think that children need both their parents" No, clearly you don't or you wouldn't be behaving like a playground bully and making threats.

this isnt about food,this is a poisonous toxic battle enacted out between you anna,your dp, and the ex wife.you and dp demonise her and use their children as weapons in some unresolved battle

scary thing is,using children as emotional cannon fodder.rationalising it by health is a smokescreen

hasn't crossed your mind to get to the root cause of the over eating then?
no investigations into depression or how the divorce has affected him?
How living part time with a SM and a half sister might effect him?
just castigate him for over eating?

How can they need both their parents if one of them neglects them?

Do children need neglect?

I'm interested in the philosophical basis of this.

I bought them pants in the summer ie six months ago - in the summer sales. I always buy underwear in the sales! My own included.

Your DSS2 is 12. How can he never put on weight at your house? You've been with his father, what, five years (your daughter is four I believe?)? Are you seriously suggesting that he hasn't increased in weight since he was 7?

Even in France I refuse to believe a paediatrician would consider him overweight - either of them. Why not seek a referral if you are concerned, rather than allowing your DP to inflict arbitary deadlines by which a young child must have lost nearly 10% of his bodyweight?

Christ it's not often I agree with Scottishmummy but that post is absolutely spot on.

Inglès2 - it predates his parents' separation by a very long way. He was one of those babies who glugged his bottle down in a couple of minutes.

Bonsoir, your tongue is wedged so far into your cheek I'm surprised you are able to swallow your leafy green veg.

This is le wind-up. It has to be.

"Do children need neglect?

I'm interested in the philosophical basis of this"

As long as it's benign and a rambling victorian house is involved apparently it's an approved parenting method...HTH

I'm suddenly remembering the Atonement thread you started yonks back.

You little agent provocateur, you.

But Anna clearly implies that this particular form of neglect isn't the benign sort

tbh,i think anna is prone to grandiosity and embellished tales.it all has cartoon character quality

What on earth is poisonous about wanting to bring children up to be healthy and well-educated and to be frustrated by the fact that the other half of their life doesn't bother with health or education and leaves it up to the other family? Not a poisonous battle (and the children are doing very well on all accounts apart from right now, when they are sad at the effects of their overeating - of course they love their useless beach clothes, but that won't last long), just a huge amounts of frustration at trying to keep it all together with little time to do so.

I don't believe a word of this.

I'm with you bobbie, I feckin hope it's a windup anyway, else this is going to be going round and round my agitated brain at about 4.30 tomorrow morning

there are two explanations to this thread

1. bonsoir is having a lot of fun provoking outrage (notice the drip feeding of more mad behaviour every time the thread slows a bit)

2. she is in a nasty relationship with a nasty man and is in complete denial (notice the going along with emotional abuse of her stepsons and, from other threads, her willingness to overlook infidelity and repeated advice to those with relationship difficulties that they should grit their teeth and shag their man to keep him)

both scenarios are deeply unpleasant