For starting altercation in cafe?

[AlwaysUltraFlexiWings]

Last week, my SIL phoned to ask me, if I would like to meet her for a coffee in the town. Lovely said I.

We were sitting in the cafe for approximately 20 minutes when this woman and her husband started feverishly discussing me. I was breastfeeding my four week old baby. The woman kept looking at me whilst muttering away at the husband.

I'm new to this whole breastfeeding malarky and tbh I'm still a little self conscious about doing this publicly. Its silly, irrational I know. Anyway, after 35 minutes of this intense scrutiny, I blew a fuse and asked her what her "bloody problem" was. She sat there mouth agape and momentarily flummoxed. After this brief silence, she squared up to me, commenting that there was a "time and place for that sort of thing" (breastfeeding). I said "theres nothing unnatural about what I'm doing", to which she responded that "urinating" is also natural but "this doesnt entitle" me to make an "exhibition" of myself in public. She mentioned that she used to go into the public conveniences when feeding her brood, so she failed to see why I couldn't make that compromise too. I truly lost it at this point and told her to go and drink her fucking tea in the lavatory.

At this point, the manager (an old friend of mine) intercepted and asked the "woman" if she and her husband would like a table elsewhere. This didn't go down too well, and seething with rage she asked for her bill and left.

I was being as discreet as possible. Little more than the upper part of my breast was visible. What would she have preferred? A crying baby? I can't believe such cosseted, narrow minded people still exist in this day and age. Im still shaken up by it. I had really hoped to continue breastfeeding for as long as possible but am now questioning the reality of this.

Good for you, what a horrible old witch.

what a pathetic, old fashioned, narrow minded, uptight, oppressed, frustrated old bag she is!

YwereDefNBU.

And I love the "go and drink your tea in the loo"

I am so sorry that this happened. You were right to confront her imo, such attitudes need challenging.

You've just been unlucky. A bit like when you're pregnant, some people have the bad luck to have people refuse to give priority seats up for them. There are bigoted and narrow-minded people out there. They are not your problem.

You are doing brilliantly.

Silly old cow. Please don't this stop you. I had a few looks but never any comments like this. In fact in the cafe after swimming, my frend and I were both bf and two old ladies that were looking over. I was getting ready for comments like you and in fact they said very positive things and commented that you don't see it often.

I tried to feed in M&S cafe once but people were looking, so I was getting tense and red faced which made DS worse who was screaming, so more people were looking.

Never again after that.

I think you handled it well-keep doing it and don't get put off.

AlwaysUltraFlexiWings (interesting name by the way)... of course you were being reasonable starting an altercation in the cafe... with the stupid old bat.

DO NOT LET THIS STUPID COW PUT YOU OFF BF

Honest to god, if you'd been bottle feeding she'd have probably commented on how bad it is for babies not to be breastfed yadda yadda yadda...

I LOVE to see babies being bf (I have to remember not to seem to be taking too much of an interest , I just love their contented little faces - sigh...).

Get out, feed her when she needs it and anyone that doesn't like it - "go & drink your tea in the loo" Job done!!

yes, please don't let it put you off, i've only ever had positive comments and "aaah a baby" type looks. well done for challenging her, although i think your friend the manager could have made the point a bit more forcefully

YANBU at all, good for you for challenging her.

Agree with longtalljosie, you were probably just unlucky, please don't let it stop you bf in public in the future.

well done, if more of us breastfed in public perhaps more new mums would stick with it... Unfortunately so many use bottles when out that that is seen as the norm!

yanbu in the slightest!

I think you were unlucky - I've bf three and never once had anything but the occasional positive comments

Stupid woman!

Like zookeeper I fed 3 (for years!) and never encountered any negativity.

I wish more mums would confront the whisperers and the starers, would make them less likely to do it again. They know they are being bloody stupid which is why the stutter and hedge when confronted.

I fed quite happily in public (15 years ago - christ!) and never had a cross word or look from anyone. And I expectedt to as well - I used to get looks from old dears, and I would brace myself for a ear bashing when they would invariably comment what a nice sight it was.

OP - think you were unlucky. Hopefully you will not experience it again.

Well done on bfing, and good for you for having the confidence to do it in public.

However i dont think it is a goood idea to start a confrontation, if she had said something to you is a different matter. If she is gioving you evil looks just stare straight back at her as if you couldnt possible imagine why she is looking at you as if you had two heads.

Unfortunately from now on you will be judged and get some looks and whispers, it seems to go hand in hand with being a mum. Whether you bf/ff there will always be someone tutting somewhere, when you baby is older and has a tantrum you will get dirty looks, if you feed them food going round the supermarket it may raise eyebrows althoiugh equally if you child cries desperate for some sweets placed by the till and you say no they will be eye rolling too.

yanbu...at all! What an ignorant woman.

I've been lucky and never had any negative comments - apart from 2 old local women who did a double take when they say me feeding dd in a cafe in Spain and actually reversed to have another look !! - please don't let it stop you feeding your baby. You are doing brilliantly

Well done for standing up to this idiotic woman. You said exactly the right things to this narrown minded twat. My friend said a similar thing to someone about eating their lunch in the toilet. Luckily it didn't put her off and she has breastfed for years. Don't let it put you off.

Thank you for all your kind replies.

When I started BF, I was prepared for staring. Just didn't expect this avalanche of bile too. Hopefully there won't be any more episodes. I've resolved to stop looking at people and subconsciously trying to gauge reactions while BF. Head held high and all that

Morloth funny you say that. I got the distinct impression she has subjected lots of BF women to the cold stare. Wonder how she reacts to the lads mags in newagents? Probably doesn't bother her hypocritical little head whatsoever.

Good on you! I would have done the exact same thing, I honestly cannot believe that a woman in this day and age could have such a problem with the sight of a bf'ing mother in public - especially when that woman bf her own children!

Please, please do not let her attitude put you off feeding your baby in public - you sound as though you were being extremely discreet and I doubt anyone else even noticed.

What was the reaction of other people in the cafe when this all kicked off?

god i so want to post " put em away fgs you perv"

i think you just have

YANBU, but it's a generational thing. My gran went out for walks whilst heavily pregnant at night as it was considered bad form to be seen flaunting your bump , so I guess that the idea of getting your boobs out even in the most discreeet way is still pretty shocking to SOME older people.

Don't met this put you off. I BFd both of mine and didn't have a single negative comment. In fact, I was told off by my Dutch relatives for even attempting to feed discreetly as it is seen as something to be very proud of in the Netherlands.