For starting altercation in cafe?

[AlwaysUltraFlexiWings]

Last week, my SIL phoned to ask me, if I would like to meet her for a coffee in the town. Lovely said I.

We were sitting in the cafe for approximately 20 minutes when this woman and her husband started feverishly discussing me. I was breastfeeding my four week old baby. The woman kept looking at me whilst muttering away at the husband.

I'm new to this whole breastfeeding malarky and tbh I'm still a little self conscious about doing this publicly. Its silly, irrational I know. Anyway, after 35 minutes of this intense scrutiny, I blew a fuse and asked her what her "bloody problem" was. She sat there mouth agape and momentarily flummoxed. After this brief silence, she squared up to me, commenting that there was a "time and place for that sort of thing" (breastfeeding). I said "theres nothing unnatural about what I'm doing", to which she responded that "urinating" is also natural but "this doesnt entitle" me to make an "exhibition" of myself in public. She mentioned that she used to go into the public conveniences when feeding her brood, so she failed to see why I couldn't make that compromise too. I truly lost it at this point and told her to go and drink her fucking tea in the lavatory.

At this point, the manager (an old friend of mine) intercepted and asked the "woman" if she and her husband would like a table elsewhere. This didn't go down too well, and seething with rage she asked for her bill and left.

I was being as discreet as possible. Little more than the upper part of my breast was visible. What would she have preferred? A crying baby? I can't believe such cosseted, narrow minded people still exist in this day and age. Im still shaken up by it. I had really hoped to continue breastfeeding for as long as possible but am now questioning the reality of this.

Well done on the quick thinking about suggesting she drink her tea in the toilet - I can never think of the right thing to say at the time.

Please don't let it put you off doing what you and your little one are able to do.

I think your experience explains why the change to the law is needed to make it illegal for anybody to ask a BFing woman to stop.

YANBU well done. And don't let her put you off. You were so, so unlucky. I've bf three babies all over the place and barely had a disapproving look. Well done for confronting her. Hopefully she won't upset any other new mums!

arf

[laugh] @ Glee

you should have squirted her with your boobies, that would have shut her up!!

Well done xxx

Good for you for standing up to her. This should be an isolated incident. Most people are nice about it in my experience, so please don't let it put you off.

Just wanted to add, if you master the 'up and under' technique, not even the top of your breast will be exposed.

Not that exposed flesh excuses this appalling behaviour, but I'm sure the knowledge that not even an inch of boob was on show helped extend the length of time I bf.

Think nowadays you can get bf vests with detatchable straps to wear under your top.

< hopes not to be seen to be buying in to the 'breastfeeding is disgusting' brigade - just offering practical advice >

Good for you - I was prepared for crap like this but didn't get it, the only people who commented did so positively. Don't give up, she will probably be the only one and if she isn't you know what to do your comment was spot on. You get more confident as time goes on, towards the end of me doing it I was postively willing people to say something so I could tell them how narrow minded they were!!

Good for the cafe too for asking her if she wanted to move and leaving you alone

Just ask anyone that comments negativley on breast feeding that as they are sexist you would like there name and address so you can take things through the proper channels - if they say no then say - say you are big enough to make sexist comments now be big enough to let me have your name and address to take the matter through the proper channel for sexist remarks, fairs fair

rofla t proper channels

what DO you mean?!

no idea - but sounds good

I like ivykaty's approach I have to say

Icklejess, fortunately the cafe was quiet with few customers. The 4 or so people that were present seemed a bit nonplussed by it. After the "woman" left the cafe, a lady approached me to tell me, not to let "narrow-minded fools" like that discourage me from BF. It was nice to have that reinforced.

Lucy ellen . Or in her cup of tea!

I will add - I speak very softly - but this would be said firmly with not an ounce of aggression.

usually the type that will make remarks will back down very quickly when challenged in a way they can't fight back to.

I will also admitt that my dd1 feels really uncomfortable with breast feeding and I have had to explain to her that it is her problem and the most natural thing in the world. I was shocked when I found out and had just asumed that she wouldn't be bothered so do check your teens so they dont grow up to object!!

dd2 thinks her big sister is silly

e4 isn't a proper channel
ROFL

I think you were right to confront her, but ideally should have done so in a less aggressive manner -- e.g. smiling brightly and saying "is there a problem?" rather than asking "what's your bloody problem?"

FWIW I have bf two children all over the place and never had a comment or (that I've noticed) a funny look, so I think you've been unlucky and should try not to worry about continuing bf.

There's no such thing as "proper channels" for reporting sexist remarks, as it's perfectly legal to make sexist remarks if you want (hence the staff of the Daily Mail still being at large rather than banged up in Strangeways).

rofla t eyeshadow

I love it ivy.

I am not very good at confrontation (ie i just don't do it) - in this situaiton I would probably have stopped feeding the baby, left and burst into tears.

I couldn't have argued with her.

However I could calmly draw their attention to imaginary authorities, which would almost certainly have the desired effect, with no shouting and no tears. Brilliant!

Not sure why people are deliberately misunderstanding this approach and telling you something you already know though. Most odd.

I'm mad for you. No business of hers how you feed your baby. I suspect her nipples drag on the floor and she didn't like her husband looking your way.

There's no way she breastfed her kids with that attitude anyway.

I am currently one of those pregnant women who some people deliberately make life difficult for.

Just wanted to add my support as well, you were definitely NBU. I have been feeding DD for 15 months now, I still feed her in public and the only comments I've had from strangers have been positive ones. You were just really unlucky and I doubt this will happen to you again. Well done for standing up for yourself, the other woman was entirely in the wrong. Please don't give up feeding your DC because of her.

good on you, and don't let this harridan put you off. i was super self concious when first feeding my ds out and about. 6 months on i feed him anywhere and everywhere and i've never had anything but positive reactions (if any at all) so keep doing what you're doing and feed away, i trust this woman with her bizarre attitude is very much in the minority.

I'm guessing if you can do it with old cows making comments you are now a fully fledged bfer and can do it wherever you like, with ease.

Well done!

For some people the breast has lost all but its adult sexual function. They are obnoxious but you also have to pity people who are so ignorant, it's just sad.

Just read OP - silly old moo - good on you for confronting her and carry on bfing your little one. You're doing a great job.