For starting altercation in cafe?

[AlwaysUltraFlexiWings]

Last week, my SIL phoned to ask me, if I would like to meet her for a coffee in the town. Lovely said I.

We were sitting in the cafe for approximately 20 minutes when this woman and her husband started feverishly discussing me. I was breastfeeding my four week old baby. The woman kept looking at me whilst muttering away at the husband.

I'm new to this whole breastfeeding malarky and tbh I'm still a little self conscious about doing this publicly. Its silly, irrational I know. Anyway, after 35 minutes of this intense scrutiny, I blew a fuse and asked her what her "bloody problem" was. She sat there mouth agape and momentarily flummoxed. After this brief silence, she squared up to me, commenting that there was a "time and place for that sort of thing" (breastfeeding). I said "theres nothing unnatural about what I'm doing", to which she responded that "urinating" is also natural but "this doesnt entitle" me to make an "exhibition" of myself in public. She mentioned that she used to go into the public conveniences when feeding her brood, so she failed to see why I couldn't make that compromise too. I truly lost it at this point and told her to go and drink her fucking tea in the lavatory.

At this point, the manager (an old friend of mine) intercepted and asked the "woman" if she and her husband would like a table elsewhere. This didn't go down too well, and seething with rage she asked for her bill and left.

I was being as discreet as possible. Little more than the upper part of my breast was visible. What would she have preferred? A crying baby? I can't believe such cosseted, narrow minded people still exist in this day and age. Im still shaken up by it. I had really hoped to continue breastfeeding for as long as possible but am now questioning the reality of this.

OP, I completely agree with your position, but if you actually said to her "bloody problem" and "fucking tea", then if I were the manager I would be throwing you out!

yanbu! and good on you for confronting her. ime, it always other women who have felt the need to stare and comment, not men. and we are always led to believe that it is the men that it would upset more. some people really just need to get a grip!

My goodness, what a bitch!

Good for you telling her to go and drink her team in the toilet. She deserved everything she got imo.

Do not let this put you off bf. You are doing brilliantly well being out and about so quickly, so keep going and try to forget about this miserable cow.

Good for you - I would have probably burst into tears. I bf both mine in public for a year each and was only once aware of negative comments and looks. But that's probably because I was so unaware of people around me and took a 'I don't give a shit what you think' approach. It works a treat - people could have been slagging me off loudly for all I know, I was just completely oblivious!

The only place I wouldn't bf was the tube - there's public and there's public (but that wasn't for the publics' sensitivities, it was for mine!)

yanbu.

And I love the word altercation..

Good for you.

Just another thought, maybe you could ask your friend the cafe manager to show a sign saying the cafe is breast-feeding friendly? After all bet you are going to spend lots of time there in the coming months!

YAdefinitelyNBU. Good for you. Luckily people like that silly witch are few and far between, don't be put off, you're doing a great job.

I'm so glad that in Scotland we have laws to protect breastfeeding mothers.

I'm so that this has not yet happened in England

Good thinking by Workingitout. There were a few cafes where I lived where mums would meet up cos they were relaxed about babies and bf - great business for them!

If that happens again you could try saying very loudly "Oi, you in the red coat, can you stop staring at my boobs, please?"

YANBU!!!

well done for being brave enough to stand up for yourself!

i cant believe parents can feel this way and be so public about it??? people who actually breastfed being that rude [hmmm] weirdo!

No, obviously YANBU. Even if you hadn't been discreet, people don't have to look.

I would have most certainy reacted similarly, not least as it is enough to brea feed n publicanyway, so I expect you were aready feeling a bit nervous/awkward.

I have had an altercation in a starbucks with an American who toldme it was "disgusting" that I would event think to feed my child and "inflict myself on others". Luckily, I had the line to hand that if she was prepared to have her coffee and cake in the toilets I'd go and sit there with her. She said of course not.

She also swore a fair bit at me and about us. We had our cake and coffee opposite her and didn't move. I didn't swear in front of husband as he doesn't like to get into an argument about anything. But when he took our 8 month old out in the buggy ahead of me, I leaned over her and quietly and sweetly told her exactly what I would do to her if I saw her on the street that afternoon... I can look after myself quite nicely and spent my 20 minute coffee stop rehearsing my line for that moment. I should be more ashamed of myself, but I'm not. It felt so good to do that. She dropped her cup of coffee. Literally. Fabulous.

I'm mentionning this because if someone is offensive to you, sure it doesn't make it right to swear back, but I have been there and done it myself and I def think you are NOT B U !!!!

I am for you and hope that you continue to do such a great job of feeding your little person who in the future will be pleased to have opportunity to repeat this story to others of how mummy is well hard and always stood up for herself and her kids.

I'll get off my soap box now...
and I don't think I'm supposed to, but here's a kiss for you !! x

what a rude woman.dont let that put you off

YANBU- stupid woman that she was.
I had an encounter like this when my dd was 10days old, another customer(a man!) in the cafe actually stood up and tore the offendingold woman off a very large strip. I didn't know whether to be embarassed or laugh out loud.

Good for you "go and drink your tea in the lav"
Of course she wouldn't, so why should a 4 week old have their lunch there? It's disgusting, I really hope no-one is reduced to doing that because of some small minded old witch.
I can't believe she compared bf to urinating! YANBU, your baby needs feeding, you've chosen to bf, that doesn't mean you have to be housebound for the duration of bf.
Don't let it put you off bf or going out, I hope you never come across someone that small minded again!

Women are entitled to breastfeed in Scotland in any public place that an adult has a right to be.. so cafe, park, shop, etc. Where were you? I think the law is different in England. I think that they can ask you to leave, but you can refuse to? Anyway, I agree with people who say you were just unlucky to come across one angry/bitter/twisted woman so early on in your breastfeeding career. And why is it always women who "do down" other women? I've not had a nasty word from a man whilst being pregnant and huge, but other woman have pushed me around in shops, etc. Very odd. So much for the "sisterhood".

I honestly think the government should do some kind of public information campaign about bf. Not as in 'you should do it' (which they do anyway) but in a 'people do it, sometimes it's in public, get over it' way. Why don't some people get that feeding a baby isn't the same as walking around with your tits hanging out just for fun?!

Rofl @ 'drink your tea in the lav'...but mainly I'm just as I wouldn't have had the guts to respond in the same way, even though I would want to. Which is why with #3 on the way, and 2 dcs bf previously, I've still never managed it out and about anywhere other than the (seriously grim) feeding rooms in John Lewis and Mothercare.

Sigh.

Maybe this time...you're an inspiration

Women are allowed to BF in England, employees of cafes etc can't ask you to leave.

This was a random member of the public not an employee of the cafe though, and members of the public are often nasty, irrespective of the law and what is right etc.

law here for anyone interested

Ooh Bird i want to know what you said to the coffee- dropping woman!
Good on you OP for standing up to the old boot. I had an old woman glowering at me in a cafe when I was bfing DD1 (8yrs ago!) she had a big set hairdo like Thatcher, a mouth like a cats arse and was smoking. She eventually put out her cigarette in disgust and moved to sit outside I couldn't give a shite what she thought. Definitely a generational thing.

Move to Scotland - that sort of behaviour towards a breastfeeding mother is a criminal offence! That would have served the old bag right.

law in scotland it says it applies to providers of goods and services etc and there is a fine if people do not adhere to law. It doesn't say anything about miserable members of the public being arseholes.

I don't think the law is practically speaking any different in scotland and england from what I have read.

Good for you! I am hoping to bf my 2nd and am slightly terrified of doing it in public?mainly because I am worrying in advance about the same thing happening to me, so thank you! the more people who square up to people like that and tell them that breast feeding in a public café is perfectly acceptable the better and easier it will get as time goes on!